Hu Tao Is Monetizing My Existence. [91]

The Adventurers’ Guild was located at Chihu Rock, an area bustling with merchants and lively activity.

The Guild itself was a three-story building—quite spacious—with long banners hanging on its exterior, bearing the words Adventurers’ Guild in bold.

Inside, the hall for adventurers to rest, submit commissions, and accept tasks was bright and expansive.

At the moment, small groups of adventurers were scattered throughout the hall, chatting idly and sipping drinks.

Some were poring over commissions, figuring out how to complete them. Others were organizing teams to take down monsters listed in their assignments. Some were discussing where to venture next, while others were simply there to pass the time.

Most wore the signature green uniform unique to adventurers, clearly standard-issue from the Guild. Of course, not everyone wore it—there was no strict dress code.

At the far end of the hall stood a reception desk.

It was semi-circular and quite wide, with a pretty receptionist behind it, also dressed in the green adventurer’s uniform.

Noticing the two people approaching, the receptionist smiled and greeted them, “To the stars and the abyss—welcome to the Adventurers’ Guild.”

“Long time no see, Katheryne!” Hu Tao grinned and waved a flyer as she trotted up. “Take a look at this.”

Katheryne accepted it curiously. After reading through its contents, her expression didn’t change in the slightest. She calmly set the flyer down on the desk.

“Apologies. I only handle reception work here at the Guild and don’t go out on adventures, so I won’t be needing this.”

“Fair enough!” Hu Tao hadn’t expected her to use it anyway—just figured it was worth a shot.

Maybe Katheryne would think the service was super useful for adventurers and pass the info along to everyone in the Guild?

A little far-fetched, sure—but hey, dreaming big didn’t cost anything.

“Time to hand out flyers! Let’s see what you’ve got!” Hu Tao rose on her toes to give Jiang Bai a few encouraging pats on the shoulder, wearing an expression that said I believe in you!

Clearly, Hu Tao had been to the Adventurers’ Guild a few times before. Most adventurers either pretended not to see her or made themselves scarce the moment she appeared. Only a rare few acted like she didn’t exist and just carried on with whatever they were doing.

But if they were going to promote the service, they couldn’t let a single potential client slip away. Jiang Bai clutched a stack of flyers and chased after those about to leave.

He positioned himself in front of the main entrance and handed them out one by one, not caring whether people accepted them—just stuffed them straight into their hands if he had to.

“Check out the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor’s new service—no matter where you are, we’ll get you home!”

That was the slogan Jiang Bai came up with: short, clear, and pretty catchy.

As long as someone heard it and got curious enough to glance at the flyer, their job promoting the service would be done, right?

Sure enough, a few adventurers perked up at his words.

“Get me home? What do you mean, get me home?”

“You’ll understand once you read the flyer.” Jiang Bai gave a picture-perfect smile—showing eight neat teeth—and stood firmly in the way of anyone trying to leave.

Though the flyers were being foisted upon them, it had to be said: Jiang Bai’s approach was far more tactful than Hu Tao’s usual method of walking up and bluntly asking if someone needed a funeral package.

After all, that kind of thing isn’t exactly something you bring up directly—it’d be like cursing someone to die.

The adventurers glanced at the flyer. What the heck is this?

Then looked again. Hmm… interesting.

And after reading the whole thing: This… might actually be useful.

What adventurer didn’t worry about dying unexpectedly out in the wild?

Who wouldn’t want their remains returned home for a proper burial if the worst came to pass?

Who wouldn’t want their final words and keepsakes passed on to their loved ones?

Of course, fear alone wouldn’t stop an adventurer from adventuring—if it did, they wouldn’t be adventurers to begin with.

Still, this service did offer solutions to some very real concerns.

Meanwhile, Hu Tao was also handing out flyers, trying to explain the service as she went. Unfortunately, most people had already been shaped by their impressions of her.

“Alright, alright, I’ll look at it. I’ll think about it.”

The classic trio of fake acceptance—just a polite way to shut her down. None of them actually wanted to hear about the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor’s offerings.

Frustrated, Hu Tao gave up on being polite. She started shoving a flyer into everyone’s hands whether they wanted it or not. Read it or don’t—doesn’t matter! You’re getting one either way!

At the now-crowded entrance, an older-looking adventurer finished reading the flyer and asked a question.

“I have a concern.”

He had a thick beard and a scar running jaggedly down his left cheek. Judging by his hair color, he likely wasn’t from Liyue.

“If I purchase this service, how will your people know I’ve died?”

If it relied on his companions to pass the word along, then what was the point of the service? After all, if his friends survived the expedition, wouldn’t they be the ones retrieving his body anyway?

The service seemed promising, but clearly more suited to lone wolves than organized adventuring parties.

Besides, many adventurers didn’t actually delve into dangerous places. Most just hunted for treasure or handled basic commissions.

True, risk-taking explorers were few and far between.

As everyone turned to listen to the man’s question, Jiang Bai raised his voice deliberately so the entire hall could hear his response.

“No worries there—we’ve got a specially crafted magical artifact. Once you’ve signed up, we can monitor your life status through the artifact. If it registers your death, we’ll set out immediately, using its guidance to recover your remains.”

His explanation was thorough. The middle-aged man gave a thoughtful nod.

“Got it.”

“And since the service is brand new, we’re offering a special promotion—only 888,888 Mora! That includes the funeral, an urn, spiritual rites, and delivery of final messages and belongings!”

“No matter where I die? No matter how dangerous the location?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

Now, 888,888 Mora—expensive or not, it depended on perspective.

If you were just buying some ordinary product, that price was absurd. But for peace of mind regarding your final arrangements? That wasn’t expensive at all.

After all, any place that could claim the life of an adventurer was guaranteed to be perilous.

Which meant whoever went to retrieve the body would be risking their life too—overcoming all kinds of dangers to bring the remains home.

So honestly, the price was more than fair.

Even Jiang Bai himself felt they were undercharging. But what could he do? The service was new, barely known. They had to build a reputation first—raise the price later.

“And how can I be sure you’ll actually bring my body back?” the adventurer asked again.

It was clear—he was seriously considering it. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be asking so many questions.

“To tell you the truth,” Jiang Bai said, “I’m Jiang Bai, a Soul Ferryman. Rigorously trained, familiar with every path across the continent of Teyvat. I regularly brave deadly domains and once took out dozens of Abyss creatures in one go.”

He lied with zero hesitation.

He could barely navigate Liyue, let alone all of Teyvat.

As for domains? He’d never set foot in one—wouldn’t even recognize one if he saw it.

Abyss creatures? He’d never fought any. Closest he’d come was taking out a couple dozen hilichurls in one go.

—

This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!