Hu Tao Is Monetizing My Existence. [184]

After more than two hours of slow, steady roasting, the fragrant, crackling roast boar was finally served just past 1 p.m.

Xiangling hauled the now shrunken boar—half its original size—onto the table. Its golden, glistening skin sizzled with residual oil in the spots where the fat was thickest, still crackling from the heat.

She sprinkled a final handful of chopped scallions on top. Good grief, the smell was strong enough to summon the adepti.

Even Shenhe, who’d maintained perfect composure all day, couldn’t help swallowing slightly as the scent drifted to her nose.

She’d eaten only qingxin herbs for years—flavorful food like this was almost foreign to her.

But the others? They showed no restraint at all. Sleeves were rolled up in unison as everyone got ready to dig in.

Except for Chongyun.

He wanted to eat it—he really did—but hesitation clouded his face.

As someone with a pure yang constitution, he couldn’t eat hot and spicy food. Or, rather, he could, but doing so would cause the intense yang energy in his body to surge uncontrollably, making his personality change drastically. And when it passed, he’d have no memory of what he’d done.

So he avoided anything spicy. Not even hot water crossed his lips. His daily diet consisted of cold dishes and icy treats to suppress his inner heat.

But Xiangling had roasted this boar for hours. Not eating would be rude. Yet even if he cooled it with Cryo energy, it wouldn’t matter—Xiangling had dusted the whole thing with a generous layer of bright red Jueyun Chilies.

His dilemma showed clearly on his face.

No one understood him better than Xingqiu.

One hand holding a sizzling pork rib, the other landing oh-so-casually on Chongyun’s shoulder, Xingqiu leaned in—not to help, but to stir trouble.

He waved the rib under Chongyun’s nose like a devil whispering in his ear.

“Today’s Director Hu’s birthday, you know. If you don’t take a bite, that’s seriously bad form.”

Chongyun swallowed hard. He glanced around.

Sure enough, everyone was watching—even Shenhe.

Hu Tao chimed in from the side, grinning mischievously. “Exactly~ Not eating would be a huge slap in the face to your dear Director~”

“Don’t worry, even if you go totally nuts afterward, none of us will tell anyone~”

Xingqiu and Xiangling each added a little nudge, acting like they wouldn’t let it go until he gave in.

Meanwhile, Jiang Bai was gnawing on a pig trotter. He elbowed Xiangling and whispered, “Uh… what’s going on?”

Even Shenhe—chewing her food daintily—was listening in now.

“Chongyun has a pure yang body. He can’t handle spicy food—especially not Jueyun Chilies. Eating it messes with his personality.”

Xiangling explained this with surprising ease. After all, Chongyun accidentally eating chilies at Wanmin Restaurant had become… a recurring event.

The first time was an accident. Every time after that? Xingqiu’s doing.

“Personality change? What kind?”

“You see him now—all calm and serious, barely any expression? That’s him suppressing his yang energy. In reality, he’s sweet and a bit silly. Xingqiu bullies him constantly.”

Xiangling leaned in, whispering like she was sharing state secrets. “I remember once, after he accidentally ate a chili at Wanmin, he jumped onto the long table and shouted that all the customers could eat for free—on him!”

“He grinned at every table, slapping shoulders and boasting about how awesome his clan’s exorcism arts were. Before leaving, he even stole bites from other people’s dishes!”

She couldn’t help but grin at the memory.

“Normally, he’d never act like that. He’s way too modest, always saying he’s not skilled enough. Bragging? No way. But when the yang flares up—bam. He’s loud, friendly, super talkative.”

Jiang Bai looked from the currently overwhelmed Chongyun, pinned between Hu Tao and Xingqiu, to the wild persona Xiangling was describing.

Honestly? He kind of wanted to see that side for himself.

Xiangling went on, voice animated.

“And another time, he was convinced Wanmin Restaurant had been infested with demons. He tore the whole place apart looking for them—then smacked a talisman on my forehead and declared I was the evil spirit!”

“He even chased me around with his sword until Guoba whacked him unconscious.”

“Lu-luuu~” Guoba proudly flexed his little claws. He was a hero that day.

“In my opinion,” Xiangling said, “that version of Chongyun is actually the most real. So what if he has a pure yang constitution? There’s no need to suppress yourself all the time. Whether you’re excited or happy or mad—just let it out. That yang energy needs somewhere to go. If you bottle it up too long, it’ll hurt you.”

Shenhe’s expression turned contemplative. “So… you’re saying I should let my nephew eat the chilies?”

“Exactly!” Xiangling beamed.

…

At that moment, the combined efforts of Xingqiu and Hu Tao paid off. Chongyun bit down on a piece of pork smothered in Jueyun Chili powder.

Instantly, heat surged to his head. In the blink of an eye, a switch flipped.

He snatched the rib Xingqiu had used to tempt him and threw an arm around his shoulders, flipping their positions completely.

With a wicked grin, he tore off a massive bite, then shoved the rib under Xingqiu’s nose before pulling it away again.

“Smells amazing, huh? Want some? Too bad~”

“Whoa—now that’s a transformation!” Hu Tao clapped in delight.

Of course, the applause drew Chongyun’s attention.

He turned and dangled the rib in front of her now, smacking his lips smugly.

“You want a bite? Mine. You can smell it, but that’s all~”

Hu Tao laughed. “Go on, eat up! Don’t hold back! There’s tons left! You want the pig’s head? It’s all yours! Don’t be shy!”

“…?”

Chongyun froze, turning slowly toward the untouched boar head still sitting on the table.

It was massive—bigger than his head—with its snout pointed to the sky, radiating intimidation.

Without hesitation, he shoved Xingqiu forward. “He likes pig head! Let him have it!”

“Director gave it to you! You eat it!”

“No way, you eat it!”

“I don’t like it!”

The two shoved each other back and forth, neither willing to back down. Jiang Bai sat on the sidelines, watching the show with great amusement.

Honestly, if he hadn’t known about Chongyun’s condition, he’d think the guy had a split personality—complete with shared memories.

They went back and forth for a while, inching closer and closer to the pig’s head—until Chongyun made a strategic retreat.

“Well, if neither of us wants it, let’s give it to my aunt!”

—

This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!