Hu Tao Is Monetizing My Existence. [116]

“Besides Geo, can you control any other elements?” Albedo posed another question.

Jiang Bai shook his head. “I’ve tried reaching out to Hydro and Pyro, but it didn’t feel anything like when I touched that clump of Geo energy condensed by Mister Zhongli. I think it might be a matter of medium, but so far I haven’t found anything that allows me to connect with other elements.”

“I see,” Albedo murmured, resting his chin in his hand as he sank into thought again.

“I have an idea that might help you access Anemo. Would you be willing to give it a try?”

“I’m open to it,” Jiang Bai said, “but I don’t have much time to spare here. I still need to retrieve the remains of an adventurer.”

Of course he was interested in gaining access to another element—but as a man with a job, he couldn’t neglect his actual work.

Right now, those adventurer’s remains were waiting for him somewhere on Dragonspine. If this experiment dragged on too long, it would have to wait for even longer.

Seeing Jiang Bai’s hesitation, Albedo was notably considerate.

“Don’t worry, it won’t take much of your time.”

He quickly tidied up his workbench. Just as Jiang Bai thought Albedo was about to start brewing some kind of concoction, he watched instead as Albedo packed a hefty amount of food and supplies into his bag—like he was preparing for a long journey.

“This must be your first time on Dragonspine, right? If you don’t mind, how about I come along? I’d like to observe you up close, and at the same time I can act as your guide and introduce you to the mountain.”

Albedo offered to accompany him, just like that.

“I mean, that’s fine by me, but wouldn’t it delay your own work?”

Jiang Bai really didn’t mind—in fact, he was glad to have company, especially someone who could act as a guide.

He just didn’t want to inconvenience the other person.

“My main interest right now is researching you.”

“…Alright then.”

Jiang Bai didn’t really understand this kind of research-obsessed type, but Albedo clearly wasn’t the same as a regular working stiff like him. Even though he was employed by the Knights of Favonius, he didn’t seem to have a fixed schedule or rigid responsibilities, and had plenty of time to pursue whatever studies he liked.

Maybe one day, when I’ve activated every ley line anchor in the ley network, I’ll be able to finish my work quickly too… and then I can do whatever I want.

“Wait here a moment.”

Albedo swiftly mixed a few potions at his workbench.

Jiang Bai watched his fluid, practiced movements. With just a few simple motions, one potion after another was complete.

Mixing alchemical reagents seemed to come to him as naturally as breathing—like it was as easy as drinking water or eating a meal.

“What’s that?” Jiang Bai asked.

“It’s a potion I made with alchemy to extract elemental energy. It’ll help test the internal flow of elemental power in your body.”

“Internal flow? What do you mean?”

“What you did earlier—condensing Geo energy—counts as external flow. Even without a Vision as a conduit, the elemental movement was perfectly normal, nothing unusual.

“This potion, however, tests the internal flow. If elemental power is being stored or accumulated inside your body in a physiological way, it’ll react with the potion.”

“So… are you saying it’ll crystallize inside me?”

Golden kidney stones?

Jiang Bai pictured that scenario, and his internal organs began to ache in sympathy.

“No,” Albedo shook his head gently. “If everything’s normal, the worst you’ll experience is temporary discomfort. It’s harmless to the body.”

“What kind of discomfort, exactly?” Jiang Bai pressed.

He wasn’t about to drink something without knowing what it might do.

Albedo answered plainly, “You’ll pass gas for a while. To put it simply… you’ll fart for a bit.”

Jiang Bai: “…”

Could he choose not to drink it?

But then again, farting wasn’t that big a deal…

After all, it wasn’t like he would be the one suffering from the smell.

Seeing Jiang Bai’s slight reluctance, Albedo added a few more points.

“If there’s any blockage in your internal elemental flow, this will help detect it. Consider it a health check. Don’t worry—I already tried it on myself earlier.”

Jiang Bai’s eyes went wide.

Wait, does that mean I was just exposed to Albedo’s fart???

No way!

If there was going to be suffering, they were going to suffer together!

He accepted the potion and examined it before drinking.

It came in a test tube, filled with an unnamed blue liquid that bubbled continuously.

He held it to his nose—no particular smell.

He downed it in one gulp. It tasted like water, with none of the strange flavors he’d imagined.

A moment passed.

Jiang Bai felt gas building up inside him, ready to burst through the valve.

Not caring whether Albedo was ready or not, he shouted—

“I’m gonna fart!”

The resulting sound could shake the heavens—thunderous and long. So long that even thick-skinned as Jiang Bai was, he felt his face start to flush.

Albedo held his breath without a word and calmly recorded the data.

I’ll have to refine this next time… maybe rename “farting” to “expelling internal gases” or something?

Jiang Bai had no idea that this tiny event would one day lead to a certain Traveler having an unforgettable toilet experience.

“Snowy mountains, cold toilet seats, fart-induced enlightenment”—hopefully that Traveler won’t mind too much.

After a fart that went on for minutes, Jiang Bai finally felt clear and unblocked inside—thoroughly refreshed.

Albedo gave his conclusion. “Everything’s normal. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

He slung his bag over his shoulder. “Let’s go. I’ll take you to a place where you might be able to sense Anemo.”

Jiang Bai followed him out of the camp, but a question lingered in his mind.

“Why didn’t you fart?”

“My body’s structure isn’t the same as a normal human’s.”

Albedo didn’t hide it. Jiang Bai had probably already noticed something was off.

“Yeah… I’ve noticed you don’t seem to breathe.”

He’d meant to ask before, but the opportunity never came up.

“It’s not that I don’t breathe. It’s just that my body can regulate its internal temperature according to external conditions. My body matches the ambient temperature, so I don’t exhale visible vapor—and I don’t get cold either.”

Albedo explained the truth of his non-human nature calmly. His gaze drifted to the distant sky, distant and contemplative.

“Maybe one day, if my alchemy advances far enough, I’ll be able to truly become like a human. No different from anyone else.”

“You’re not human?”

Albedo shook his head, but didn’t answer directly. “The essence of my life is different from that of humans.”

He was a life form born from chalk—modeled after humans, but not truly one of them.

Nigredo. Albedo. Rubedo. Aurum. The four stages of alchemy. Four fundamental essences.

And he… was the child of chalk.

—

T/N: no way…. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww did bro fart for MINUTES LOUDLY? ALBEDO IS BUILT DIFF TRULY A MAN OF FOCUS AND SHEER FUCKING WILL, do you think he’d even analyze mating? heheh hilicrhurls

This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!