Hu Tao Is Monetizing My Existence. [249]

“What are you saying! Paimon is just Paimon! Not some strange thing!” Paimon protested loudly from within Aether’s coat.

“Ah, my apologies.” Realizing his question was rude, Albedo quickly apologized.

After passing through a narrow pass, Albedo led them into his camp. “We’re here.”

Paimon emerged from the thick coat, eyes wide with amazement. “Wow! Such a big cave!”

“This is one of my research sites.” Albedo removed a lid from a pot warming over the fire and served two bowls of thick vegetable stew along with hot water for his guests.

“It’s simple fare, but it’ll warm you up.”

Sitting near the crackling fire, Aether and Paimon happily drank the steaming stew, feeling the chill finally leave their bones.

It was undeniably one of life’s greatest pleasures—enjoying hot soup in freezing weather.

Albedo stirred the fire, making it burn even brighter.

“I’ve heard a lot about your performance during the dragon incident. Your exceptional control over elemental energy and various mysteries surrounding you have piqued my interest greatly.”

Aether turned curiously toward Albedo, wondering what exactly he was leading up to.

“Would you both be willing to help me conduct some research? Of course, you’ll receive appropriate compensation.”

“Research? What kind? Like that time when you suddenly made that flower appear?” Paimon asked curiously.

Albedo shook his head. “Partially related.” He looked at Aether, asking calmly, “You came here from another world, didn’t you?”

Aether froze, startled by how effortlessly this man, whom he’d just met, had seen through him.

“How did you know?”

Very few people currently knew this, and Albedo definitely wasn’t among them.

“You have the scent of the stars on you—just like a friend of mine.”

“Friend? Could you tell me who this friend is?” Aether immediately wondered if this friend was Lumine.

Albedo paused briefly, contemplating.

At present, very few knew about Jiang Bai’s true identity. According to Jiang Bai, only he himself and Zhongli were aware, not even his boss Hu Tao. Given that Jiang Bai carried a fake [Vision], it seemed he preferred to keep his unique nature hidden.

Considering this, under Aether’s expectant gaze, Albedo gently shook his head. “Sorry, without his permission, it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to reveal his identity.”

“What kind of research is it?” Aether asked.

Albedo took out a seed. “This seed is from another world, brought to me previously. With help from that friend, I’ve discovered a way to make it bloom, but I still need more experimental data.”

“I have a question—what will this seed grow into?” Paimon floated closer.

“I’m unsure, but the result isn’t important. The key lies in the process. If I can awaken life from another world here in Teyvat through alchemy, my understanding of life’s essence will deepen. Eventually, even true creation might become possible.”

With the ability to create life, Albedo would bring his own existence closer to true humanity, at least fundamentally.

“I don’t really get it… but there’s only one thing I care about: how much will you pay us?” Paimon eagerly rubbed her hands together.

Albedo considered briefly, “Hmm, in terms of value… perhaps one million Mora? Is that too little?”

“One million Mora!” Paimon’s eyes instantly became Mora-shaped, immediately accepting, “No problem! We’ll take the commission!”

Aether’s mouth twitched, but it was already too late to interject.

Judging by Albedo’s tone, they definitely could’ve negotiated for two or even three million Mora…

Thanks to Paimon’s impulsiveness, he’d instantly lost two million Mora.

If Jiang Bai were here, he’d shamelessly push Albedo to double or triple the reward. Unfortunately, Aether was not Jiang Bai. He silently swallowed the loss.

“Then rest a bit first, and we’ll begin the first experiment shortly.”

“What’s the first experiment?”

“It’s related to elemental energy. I’d like to observe if your elemental manipulation matches that of my friend’s. But first, I need to ask you a few questions.”

Aether nodded, signaling he was ready.

Albedo took out his notebook, intending to compare notes from Jiang Bai’s previous experiment.

“Firstly, do you have any unique organs? Like a second heart or a fourth stomach?”

“I don’t think so.”

“What about differences in your internal organs compared to normal people from Teyvat? Strength, activity, regenerative ability… anything notable?”

Aether was stumped.

He honestly had no clue—he didn’t exactly know how strong or active Teyvat natives’ organs were.

“I… don’t know.”

“Then wait here for a moment.”

Albedo moved to his lab bench, quickly concocting a potion.

“This potion will allow me to measure the activity of your internal organs.”

Paimon became anxious, asking worriedly, “Is it safe?”

“It’s safe. It has minor side effects, but nothing harmful.” Albedo assured calmly.

“What kind of side effects?”

“It will cause temporary gas expulsion.”

This potion was similar but not identical to what Jiang Bai had previously consumed. After that earlier mishap, Albedo had improved it significantly. The expelled gas now was harmless, odorless, and safe.

Aether suspiciously drank the potion.

It was tasteless and felt like plain water.

Soon, however, he felt gas swiftly moving throughout his body, rushing through his limbs until it finally found its exit—

Pfffft——!

A loud, drawn-out fart reverberated throughout the cave, stretching endlessly like air escaping a balloon—for at least half a minute.

Aether’s face instantly reddened from neck to forehead, his embarrassment overwhelming. He was as bright red as a roasted wild boar.

Albedo and Paimon struggled to maintain straight faces, shoulders trembling with suppressed laughter.

As Aether wished he could bury himself deep in a snowdrift forever, the prolonged fart finally ceased.

Completely drained, he collapsed weakly into his seat, all dignity evaporated.

He’d suffered complete social death—all for one million Mora…

“You said it was just minor gas expulsion! How did this happen!” Paimon angrily demanded justice for poor Aether.

“My apologies… It seems I overlooked something…” Albedo sincerely apologized.

The previous potion he’d given Jiang Bai resulted in unpleasantly pungent gas. He’d improved the formula to eliminate odors, but clearly overlooked the emotional trauma inflicted on his subjects.

Next time, he thought, perhaps a potion to encourage intestinal movement would be preferable.

—

This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!