Hu Tao Is Monetizing My Existence. [336]

It was several days later when Jiang Bai finally returned to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.

He’d lost some time in Mondstadt, spent even more on the journey back, and lingered for a while in the Hilichurl cave—altogether, the delay added up significantly.

Despite all that, Jiang Bai hadn’t forgotten about the tea ceremony. Each morning, before dawn, he’d teleport via the nearest Teleport Waypoint to Dihua Marsh to collect Glaze Lily Dew.

Counting what he had gathered earlier, he now had exactly seven days’ worth.

“Shifu, I’ve collected enough Glaze Lily Dew. So, when do you want to drink my apprenticeship tea?”

Jiang Bai eagerly massaged Zhongli’s shoulders, shamelessly flattering his biggest and most valuable patron.

“Oh? Already?” Zhongli seemed surprised.

He’d assumed Jiang Bai’s travels would delay things longer.

“In that case, let’s do it now,” Zhongli said casually. “I happen to have the tea leaves right here, so you won’t have to make another trip.”

Now it was Jiang Bai’s turn to protest. “Shouldn’t we pick an auspicious day or something? Take a bath, burn incense—wouldn’t it be too casual otherwise?”

Holding a cup of tea, Zhongli lifted an eyebrow, clearly amused. “Weren’t you reluctant about becoming my disciple before?”

Jiang Bai feigned ignorance. “Did I say that? Impossible! Your memory must be getting fuzzy with age.”

He theatrically gazed at the sky. “You know what, today’s pretty auspicious after all. Wait a moment—I’ll go take a proper bath, burn some incense, and invite the Director along…”

“Ha ha…” Zhongli chuckled softly as Jiang Bai dashed off, a gentle smile tugging at his lips.

With someone as lively as him around, retirement was proving unexpectedly entertaining.

Back in his courtyard, Jiang Bai lit some incense, bathed thoroughly, and put on his finest clothes. Standing before the mirror, he realized just how much he’d changed since arriving at Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.

Back then, he had no memories, no past, and no vision for the future—he was simply drifting.

There was nothing wrong with that, yet something had always felt missing.

But now, he had a home. He had friends, people he cherished deeply, and even someone he wished to spend his life with. He no longer had to wander aimlessly.

His golden eyes gleamed with radiant confidence, no longer dull and uncertain—bright as the sun in the sky.

Looking at his reflection, Jiang Bai broke into a dazzling smile.

“Are you done yet~?” Hu Tao’s voice called from outside.

She sat atop the stone table beneath the tree, casually swinging her pale legs. Her injuries had healed, and she’d regained all her usual vigor. She was exceptionally excited about Jiang Bai’s formal apprenticeship.

“Coming, coming!”

Jiang Bai stepped out into the warm sunlight, glowing in high spirits.

Hu Tao clasped her hands behind her back and circled him once, nodding approvingly. “Wow, cleaned up nicely, didn’t you?”

“Of course—it’s an important occasion. I can’t be sloppy!”

Jiang Bai was completely serious about officially becoming Zhongli’s disciple.

“Then hurry up already! I can’t wait!” Hu Tao dashed off toward Zhongli’s courtyard, with Jiang Bai following closely behind.

Guoba bounced along, anxious to catch up to Jiang Bai. He didn’t quite understand what was happening, but it felt important. Seeing this, Jiang Bai knelt down, letting the little creature hop onto his shoulder.

While Jiang Bai took the apprenticeship ceremony seriously, to Zhongli, it wasn’t anything particularly special. After living for such a long time, few things remained that could genuinely be called “important.”

Zhongli poured the fragrant, carefully-collected dew into the teapot, waiting patiently as the water gradually came to a boil.

Jiang Bai sat respectfully across from him, Hu Tao standing beside them.

He watched attentively as Zhongli slowly placed the tea leaves into the pot, pouring in the Glaze Lily Dew he’d spent seven days collecting.

The leaves gracefully unfolded, releasing their precious, intoxicating fragrance. Just inhaling it refreshed the spirit.

“After drinking this tea, you will formally be my disciple,” Zhongli stated.

“Yes.” Jiang Bai lifted the teacup solemnly to his forehead, then presented it to Zhongli with deep reverence.

“Shifu, please accept this tea.”

He wasn’t sure if there were supposed to be more elaborate rituals, but since Zhongli mentioned only drinking the tea, he’d follow suit.

Zhongli took a sip and nodded approvingly at the taste.

“This is a gift from your shifu, marking the occasion.”

Zhongli took out the item given to him by Venti.

Jiang Bai’s eyes sparkled as soon as he saw it. If Zhongli considered it worthy as an apprenticeship gift, it had to be incredibly valuable.

He accepted it gleefully. “Thank you, Shifu!”

Zhongli simply smiled without explanation.

Even though it was something he’d received from an old friend, Zhongli figured that old friend wouldn’t mind at all.

“Achoo—!”

…

Meanwhile, back in Mondstadt, Venti sneezed suddenly.

“I’m already so far away, how did cat hair manage to reach me here? Guess I need to stay further away from The Cat’s Tail…”

The green-clad bard sighed mournfully, keeping his distance.

“Ahh, I really want a Diona Special right now…”

…

With the apprenticeship tea ceremony complete, Hu Tao, as the official witness, proudly patted Jiang Bai on the shoulder.

“From now on, it’s your job to take care of the old man’s retirement! So earn lots of Mora, got it?”

She gave him the classic motivational push of a boss.

Jiang Bai, still basking in the joy of finally securing his powerful patron, suddenly felt tremendous pressure.

He discreetly checked his wallet. Still good—still manageable.

“Heh heh, no worries! I can handle it!” Jiang Bai slapped his bulging coin pouch confidently. “Today’s a special day—let’s celebrate at Wanmin Restaurant tonight!”

Hu Tao crossed her arms skeptically. “On a special day, shouldn’t we go to Liuli Pavilion or Xinyue Kiosk instead?”

“Those places might be famous,” Jiang Bai countered earnestly, “but if we’re talking about taste, Wanmin’s obviously superior! Besides, good food should be affordable!”

He absolutely refused to admit it, but Liuli Pavilion and Xinyue Kiosk were undeniably too expensive.

With his limited savings, he had to be smart about spending, right?

“Tch, just admit you’re cheap.” Hu Tao rolled her eyes, seeing through him easily.

Unfazed, Jiang Bai happily sidled over to Zhongli, refilling his tea. “Shifu, wherever you want to go, we’ll go.”

“Then Wanmin it is. Xiangling is cooking today, so naturally, we should eat at Wanmin.”

“By the way, how did the negotiations between the Qixing and Snezhnaya go?” Jiang Bai asked curiously, having been away for the past few days.

Hu Tao laughed gleefully at the mention. “Naturally, we won a landslide victory!”

“Thanks to you handing Childe over to Ningguang, those diplomats nearly passed out when they learned she had him in custody. They looked ready to expel Tartaglia from the Harbingers on the spot!”

Jiang Bai burst into laughter. “Haha! Glad he was useful!”

…

Meanwhile, Tartaglia, who had just been ransomed back at an exorbitant price, stared blankly at his now-empty bank account.

Where was his Mora?

Where had all those zeros gone?

How was he supposed to explain to Tonia that he’d become completely broke?

—

This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!