Hu Tao Is Monetizing My Existence. [198]

“I need someone to make sure the information I want passed on gets delivered after I die. Can you do that?” Diluc stated his request plainly, no hesitation at all.

“Huh?” Jiang Bai was momentarily stunned.

How come none of our clients ever actually want a proper burial?

Maybe we really ought to change the name of this business…

“You can’t do it?” Diluc sounded disappointed.

“No, it’s just… surprising.” Jiang Bai quickly recovered. “But as a matter of professional ethics, I never pry into a client’s private affairs. Whatever’s written in the contract, we’ll handle the client’s posthumous matters exactly as requested.”

He deliberately emphasized those last words.

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor does funerals. Not all this weird stuff!

But for Diluc, this was exactly what he wanted taken care of after death.

“Good. Once all this is over, I’ll come find you.” Diluc nodded, not intending to say more on the subject.

Kaeya couldn’t help sighing. “Isn’t that a bit much? You’re still young—already thinking about what happens after you die?”

“Big Brother Diluc, are you going somewhere really dangerous?” Klee looked up at him.

Diluc ignored Kaeya, but he did offer Klee some reassurance.

“No, it’s just a precaution.”

Klee didn’t really get it, but everyone else seemed unconcerned, so she didn’t push further.

“Hey, don’t just ignore me like that!” Kaeya grumbled. Being treated like air by Diluc, yet again, was really getting on his nerves.

At last, Diluc turned to him, but his tone wasn’t friendly.

“What, does the Knights want to fight me now?”

Kaeya forced a laugh, quickly changing the subject.

“So, what do we do with this Abyss Mage?”

He looked at the still-unconscious Cryo Abyss Mage, his face turning serious.

“I get the feeling this whole Stormterror rampage is tied to the Abyss Order!”

Jiang Bai crouched by the Abyss Mage, curiosity piqued, and poked the strange, furry creature with his finger.

Klee wanted to get a closer look too, but Kaeya held her back.

Abyss Mages were dangerous. Klee was still a kid—it wasn’t safe for her to get too close.

Jiang Bai had run into a few Abyss Mages before, but the ones at Guyun Stone Forest had left the deepest impression.

But honestly, he didn’t know much about them.

Diluc’s blows had been perfectly calculated—not lethal, just enough to knock it out cold. Even with Jiang Bai poking at it, the mage didn’t wake up.

Jiang Bai inspected the mask on its face, noticing it seemed to be fused with the furry hood. Grabbing the two ear-like flaps, he gave them a tug.

The whole hood came off in his hand, revealing the Abyss Mage’s true face beneath the mask.

How to describe it?

Without its cloak, an Abyss Mage was ugly. Really ugly.

It looked like an ice-blue stick figure—no fur, and on what passed for its face, just two pitch-black holes and a mouth for speaking.

On top of its head were two limp antennae that barely counted as ears.

After seeing its real face, Jiang Bai quickly pulled the hood back on.

No wonder they wear masks—they definitely look better that way.

But the Abyss Mage’s robes were striking: intricate patterns, bright colors, and a certain elegance—not something you’d expect from a run-of-the-mill monster.

“These Abyss Mages really are different from the other monsters I’ve met.”

The only creatures he’d encountered before were hilichurls, geovishaps, slimes, whopperflowers… but Abyss Mages were nothing like those low-intelligence monsters. They were smarter, far more adept at using elemental powers, and could even command hilichurls.

Diluc stepped over, his eyes cold as he regarded the diminutive mage.

“Abyss Mages are the foot soldiers of the Abyss Order. They can manipulate hilichurl minds. Individually, they’re not that powerful, but their intelligence makes them much harder to deal with.”

This was the second time Jiang Bai had heard mention of the “Abyss Order,” and he couldn’t help but ask:

“So what exactly is the Abyss Order?”

He’d never heard of them—not even the Director probably knew much.

“They’re a vast organization, spread all over Teyvat, always up to some new plot or scheme. These Abyss Mages are just the lowest rung.”

Jiang Bai thought for a moment.

“So all the hilichurl weapons and gear—those are supplied by the Abyss Order? Even the ballistae—they must have learned from these mages. The Abyss Order uses hilichurls, manipulating these lesser monsters to cause chaos and destruction.”

Diluc nodded, a trace of approval in his eyes.

He hadn’t mentioned the hilichurls’ ballistae being standardized weapons, but Jiang Bai had noticed their abnormality and quickly connected the dots.

Sharp mind.

Still squatting, Jiang Bai didn’t see Diluc’s approving look.

Chin in hand, he started thinking further.

“But what’s their goal? Is it just an irreconcilable clash between species? Or is there something else at play?”

Humans and monsters belonged to different species, but he’d had friendly encounters with hilichurls before. From a distance, it was easier to set aside human biases and see the roots of their conflict.

Humans need territory, and so do hilichurls. When their ranges overlap, there’s conflict—chasing, fighting.

That’s true for different species, and even among the same species.

This was the fundamental conflict between humans and hilichurls.

Over time, these basic tensions snowballed—grief over lost loved ones, the pain of losing home and land. Hatred built up over generations, soaking into the bone. Eventually, both sides viewed each other as mortal enemies, peace forever out of reach.

But if the two sides didn’t cross paths, humans wouldn’t bother with the hilichurls living deep in the mountains.

And hilichurls rarely came near cities—those that did were exceptions.

Abyss Mages, though, were on a different level, with human-like intelligence. If creatures this smart are pulling the strings just for petty species rivalry—just to hurt a handful of people—wouldn’t that be beneath them?

Unless their real goal is to wipe out humanity entirely, to make all of Teyvat a land for monsters.

But with the gods watching over humanity, that’s impossible—unless the Abyss Order has the strength to challenge gods themselves.

If they did, would they really be hiding in the shadows, playing little tricks like this?

Or is it just that they know their true goals are out of reach—so they settle for making life as miserable for humans as possible?

—

T/N: man i wonder what jiang bais past is like

This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!