Hu Tao Is Monetizing My Existence. [80]

Watching Jiang Bai’s clumsy technique as he tried to wash hair, Hu Tao couldn’t take it anymore.

“Let me do it!”

She rolled up her sleeves and shoved Jiang Bai aside, placing her hands firmly on Qiqi’s head.

Qiqi’s body stiffened at once, tensing up like a coiled spring.

Her head now trapped in Hu Tao’s grip, there was no way to escape. All she could do was grit her teeth and lie there, body taut as steel.

“This is how you properly wash long hair!” Hu Tao declared as she began a live demonstration for Jiang Bai.

“First, you’ve got to get the hair completely wet. Then lather up some shampoo and work it into a good foam. Usually, the dirtiest part is the scalp, so that’s where you focus. But for Qiqi, just a gentle wash is fine.”

“You can’t just randomly claw at the scalp either. Use your fingertips—not your nails—and gently rub along the direction of hair growth. You want to make sure the whole scalp gets evenly cleaned.”

“Once the scalp is clean, move on to the ends of the hair. That part’s usually just dusty, so a light pass with shampoo will do.”

As she washed, Hu Tao explained each step in detail.

Though she’d never washed someone else’s hair before, years of washing her own had made her an expert by now.

Jiang Bai nodded along attentively. “Ah, so that’s how you do it… Got it.”

Qiqi’s rigid posture slowly relaxed.

“Fetch me some water,” Hu Tao called, motioning to Jiang Bai.

He scooped up a ladleful of water and, under her direction, poured it gently over Qiqi’s head to rinse the foam.

Hu Tao carefully parted Qiqi’s hair, guiding the water through every corner of her scalp.

“You have to rinse all the bubbles out, or the residue can cause hair loss. Even if Qiqi’s a zombie, it still matters—after all, once it falls out, it’s not growing back.”

Jiang Bai wasn’t sure if zombies could go bald, but he nodded solemnly.

If Qiqi did go bald, then she’d probably have to wear a hat forever…

He reached up and felt his own thick hair—white at the tips, maybe, but still dense. At least he didn’t need to worry about baldness.

Hearing the word “hair loss,” Qiqi, still holding her forehead talisman in place, suddenly blurted out in alarm, “Qiqi doesn’t want to go bald.”

Qiqi really didn’t want to become a bald zombie.

Hu Tao giggled. “Don’t worry—I’ll make sure it’s clean.”

After rinsing the last of the suds away, Hu Tao grabbed a towel and began drying Qiqi’s hair.

As she rubbed, she glanced over at Jiang Bai. “I just showed you everything step by step—did you learn anything?”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it.” Jiang Bai felt like his brain had learned it, but whether his hands had was still up for debate.

Qiqi sat up, wet hair spilling down her back like a curtain.

“All done!”

Hu Tao clapped her hands, clearly pleased with her handiwork.

“Once it’s dry, I’ll re-braid it for you!”

“…Okay.” Qiqi touched her damp hair, glancing at Hu Tao with a trace of surprise.

This woman isn’t always so annoying…

As long as she’s not trying to mess with me, I guess.

Under the sun, Qiqi’s hair dried quickly, and Hu Tao gently braided it back into place.

With the hair-washing complete, there was no reason to linger in the mountains any longer.

The group headed back the way they came, though this time they took the path downhill instead of retracing the mountaintop trail.

…

Elsewhere, Baizhu was walking through the forest, tracing the mountain paths Qiqi usually followed when gathering herbs. But no matter how he searched, he couldn’t find her anywhere.

“How strange… Where did Qiqi go?”

“She probably got taken away by that Wangsheng Director woman,” hissed Changsheng, the snake coiled around his shoulders.

Baizhu frowned slightly.

It wasn’t impossible.

“…Let’s keep looking. If we still can’t find her, we’ll head to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.”

Changsheng rested her head on his shoulder. Though she’d barely moved the entire time, she still felt tired.

“Sigh… If only we had something to communicate with directly. Would’ve saved us all this wandering through the mountains…”

“You’re right. This isn’t efficient at all… Next time, we should come up with a way to track people or sense their location.”

Baizhu was feeling the wear himself.

His health wasn’t great, and all this hiking had taken its toll.

Still, mountain climbing was a kind of physical training in itself, and he didn’t exactly mind it.

…

Qiqi had no idea Baizhu was searching all over for her—she didn’t have any kind of psychic sense.

The journey back was mostly uneventful, save for a few bands of hilichurls they ran into. Unsurprisingly, all of them were swiftly taken care of.

Jiang Bai also got a firsthand look at Qiqi’s combat prowess.

When she let go of her usual self-restraint, she shifted into her full zombie state. Her strength and speed both surged far beyond what she usually showed.

In truth, there was no need to worry about her traveling alone.

By the time the three of them returned to Liyue Harbor, three days had passed. Hu Tao and Jiang Bai escorted Qiqi back to Bubu Pharmacy.

As they arrived at the door, the pharmacy apprentices all stood frozen in disbelief, watching Hu Tao smiling brightly as she bid Qiqi goodbye.

Even more shocking, Qiqi didn’t shy away like before—she actually replied, “Goodbye.”

The apprentices rubbed their eyes in disbelief, wondering if they were still dreaming.

They exchanged confused looks, eyes full of dazed astonishment.

Even after Hu Tao and Jiang Bai walked off into the distance, the apprentices remained rooted to the spot, unable to shake the feeling that none of this was real.

“So… what exactly happened while Qiqi was gone?”

Qiqi looked up at them and said seriously, “She said… she won’t send Qiqi off anymore.”

The apprentices exchanged looks of even greater confusion.

“…Really?”

“Did the sun rise in the west today?”

“Well, either way, that’s a relief. At least now we don’t have to be on constant guard around her.”

They all sighed, but with genuine smiles. It was good news—and they welcomed it.

“Did you see Dr. Baizhu? He went out looking for you.”

“No.” Qiqi shook her head.

The thought of Baizhu searching the mountains for her and not finding her left her with a pang of guilt.

“I’ll go find Dr. Baizhu now,” she said, already turning to leave.

The apprentices quickly stopped her, pulling her gently aside.

“No, no, no! Dr. Baizhu will be back if he doesn’t find you. If you go out again and get stuck somewhere, that’s even worse! You just got back—take it easy and rest.”

“…Okay.” Qiqi set down her bamboo basket. Over the past few days, she’d gathered quite a lot of herbs—it was nearly full.

Some had already withered from not being processed in time.

But even wilted herbs still had medicinal value—some prescriptions even called for dried plants.

One of the apprentices took the basket from her. “I’ll handle it. You go rest.”

As the youngest helper at Bubu Pharmacy, Qiqi was someone everyone looked after.

She might have a poor memory and often mix up ingredients, but she was obedient and considerate. Everyone instinctively treated her like a younger sister—or a daughter.

“Mm.” Qiqi adjusted her hat and headed off to rest, clearly in good spirits.

—

This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!