Hu Tao Is Monetizing My Existence. [131]

Uh… this is…

Jiang Bai couldn’t help feeling that this cavalry captain, Kaeya, was a little too friendly.

They’d just met, and the man was already calling him “brother.”

But who was Jiang Bai? If there was one thing he didn’t fear, it was overly enthusiastic strangers!

He clapped Kaeya on the shoulder with equal warmth, a wide grin spreading across his face. “Of course you’re welcome! We’re short on hands anyway! With Brother Kaeya’s help, we’re bound to pull that giant spike out!”

In no time, the two had gone from strangers to shoulder-slinging “bros.”

“But Dragonspine’s pretty far. We’ll probably be up there for a while. Are you sure it’s okay to leave your duties with the Knights, Brother Kaeya?”

“No problem at all! I’ll just let the Acting Grand Master know.” Kaeya smiled breezily, clearly unconcerned about skipping work.

With Grand Master Varka away, things wouldn’t fall apart just because the cavalry captain took a few days off.

“Besides, we’ve got Klee here, don’t we? I can help you look after her!”

Klee nodded furiously. “Yup yup! Kaeya can watch Klee! Klee will be super good and just watch quietly—I won’t get in the way at all!”

What could Jiang Bai do at this point?

Things had gotten this far—how could he still say no?

Albedo probably saw this coming too, he thought. He should know better than anyone how hard it is to say no to his little sister.

Jiang Bai had spent a full day traveling here—mostly flying, which saved a lot of time.

If he brought these two along, they’d need two or three days to get to Dragonspine, factoring in that a kid like Klee couldn’t keep up with a grown man’s pace.

If they had a means of transport, the trip would go even faster.

Three days wouldn’t delay things much. With some luck, they might even run into Hu Tao on the mountain.

“Alright then. Let’s rest here tonight and head out first thing in the morning.”

After a whole day’s journey, he was tired too.

“Yay!” Klee beamed with joy, tearing off a drumstick and offering it to Jiang Bai.

“Big Brother Jiang Bai, have a chicken leg!”

“Thank you, Klee.” Jiang Bai smiled as he took it, not even minding her greasy hands.

When she’s not being stubborn, Klee really is adorable.

“Klee~ don’t tell me Big Brother Kaeya doesn’t get any love? I did bring you sticky honey roast, you know~”

Klee plucked a wing and handed it over. “Big Brother Kaeya gets a chicken wing!”

The dinner table was filled with laughter and conversation, the mood light and relaxed.

Between bites, Kaeya casually steered the conversation toward the mountain.

“Come to think of it, I’ve never actually been to the top of Dragonspine. How did you two get up there?”

“Ah, well—this ties into Wangsheng Funeral Parlor’s newest business venture!” Jiang Bai cleared his throat dramatically, never one to miss a chance for a good promo pitch.

He fished out a flyer and handed it to his new “brother” Kaeya. “Our latest service: Falling Leaves Return to Roots! No matter where you are, we’ll bring you home!”

“That said, our main business is still funeral services. We also sell funeral supplies. Right now we’ve got a deal going—buy one get one free, half off your second tombstone!”

Kaeya: ?

A big question mark practically appeared over Kaeya’s head.

Wasn’t he supposed to be explaining how they reached the summit and discovered the spike?

Why was he suddenly getting a marketing pitch?

He looked down at the flyer in his hand. The more he read, the more speechless he became.

I’m still young… why is this guy trying to sell me a funeral package?

Jiang Bai threw an arm around his shoulder and raised a finger.

“Come on, Kaeya-bro, we’re calling each other brothers now, right? I wouldn’t shortchange you! No matter what service you need—just tell ’em my name at Wangsheng, and you get a 20% discount!”

Kaeya had never met someone who advertised funeral deals like this. All he could do was smile awkwardly. “I got it. I’ll, uh… keep that in mind if I ever need it.”

Klee watched them in confusion, having no clue what they were talking about.

Kaeya poured Jiang Bai a drink and steered the conversation back. “Jiang Bai-bro, you were just getting started. I want to hear the rest.”

“Well, like the flyer says, we started this new service called Falling Leaves Return to Roots. One adventurer booked it in advance—he was determined to conquer Dragonspine, and made arrangements in case he died.”

“When we got word that he had… I set out right away to retrieve his remains.”

“I ran into Albedo on the mountain. Once I told him my purpose, he joined me. With the guidance of our Parlor’s rituals, we followed the traces the adventurer left behind all the way to the summit.”

Jiang Bai recounted it plainly, skipping over the dramatic flourishes he’d used when speaking to Zhongli. The story lacked flair, but Kaeya listened intently.

Every time he had a question, he asked it directly.

“I’ve tried reaching the summit myself,” Kaeya said. “But I never found any path up.”

“I’m not sure how he found it either,” Jiang Bai admitted. “But he did.”

He spread his hands. Only Cartis knew how he’d made it up there in the first place.

“As far as I know, he spent the last few years exploring Dragonspine. He was probably the most familiar person with the mountain. So I guess it’s not surprising.”

Kaeya pressed further. “What was the adventurer’s name?”

“Cartis.”

At that, Kaeya’s expression shifted with recognition. “Ah, him…”

As a regular at the taverns of Mondstadt, Kaeya knew just about everyone—and he’d definitely known Cartis.

They’d even shared drinks once, and Cartis had told him a few tales about his Dragonspine expeditions.

Hearing of his death now brought a rare twinge of sorrow.

Jiang Bai continued. “At the summit, we found a massive pillar—vertical, embedded deep in the ground, wrapped in layers of ice. The adventurer died right in front of it.”

“But Cartis’s soul hadn’t passed on. For certain reasons, he remained in this world. His final wish was to remove that spike—the very thing that turned lush Dragonspine into the frozen wasteland it is now.”

“So Albedo and I came up with a plan: try blowing it apart with explosives. That’s the story.”

“I see…”

The amount of information seemed to leave Kaeya momentarily speechless.

Klee, on the other hand, had only latched onto one phrase: “explosives.”

Her brows shot up.

“Klee wants to help! Let’s blow up that awful spike!”

“This is something grownups should handle,” Jiang Bai said gently, dropping the last wing into her bowl. “You just watch from the side, okay?”

But Klee was already too fired up to think about food anymore. Her head was full of explosions.

“Nooo! Klee is the Spark Knight! Spark Knights do explosive support! I have to help!”

Jiang Bai was at a loss. Fortunately, it was Kaeya who stepped in, putting a stop to her growing rebellion.

“Klee. Do you remember what you promised just a few minutes ago?”

He leaned in, voice cool and gentle—but with an unmistakable weight.

“If not… I’ll have to hand you over to Jean.”

—

This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!