“You’re underestimating the Director!”
Hu Tao puffed up her cheeks in protest as Jiang Bai kept trying to instruct her.
“I’m not underestimating you, Director Hu. I’m just… sharing my experience,” Jiang Bai sighed heavily. If he kept this up, he felt like he might have a heart attack.
“I’ve roamed Liyue for so many years—I have my own way of doing things!” Hu Tao shot him a glare and continued as she pleased.
Jiang Bai fell silent, giving up entirely on trying to teach her.
Fine, do whatever you want. Just don’t make me eat it.
But, of course, that was wishful thinking.
Once the skewers were done, Hu Tao handed him two. “Here! Try it! I guarantee it’ll amaze your taste buds!”
Jiang Bai’s heart sank as he looked at Hu Tao’s dangerous smile.
She put all sorts of weird seasonings on these… Clearly, she never intended to eat them herself!
“Director Hu, can I… not eat this?” Jiang Bai asked weakly, feeling small and helpless.
“Nope!”
“Can I at least have just one? If you don’t try your own cooking, wouldn’t that be a shame?”
Hu Tao thought about it, then nodded, handing him only one skewer.
He did work hard grilling, after all. I’ll go easy on him this time.
Jiang Bai cautiously took a bite. It was bitter, with a bit of sourness, but… still edible. At least it didn’t give him a near-death experience like last time.
After finishing their meal, Jiang Bai collapsed onto the grass, gazing up at the starry sky, too exhausted to move.
It wasn’t just physical fatigue—it was mental.
Teaching Hu Tao how to grill was more tiring than walking all day.
It wasn’t that she didn’t know how to cook; she just chose to go down the strangest possible path!
Who the hell puts vinegar on barbecue?!
Clearly, she never intended to cook for normal people.
Meanwhile, Hu Tao was still analyzing her creation.
One bite—hmm, strange.
Another bite—still strange.
One more—strange, but kind of interesting…
Jiang Bai turned his head away, deciding to let it go.
Director Hu’s cooking is… unique. Better not waste my energy trying to change her.
…
Morning sunlight streamed into the cave, marking the start of another day of travel.
The forest at dawn felt different from the afternoon. Mist curled around the trees, dewdrops clung to wild grass, and birds flitted between branches. A crane danced by the creek, while small beasts scurried through the underbrush.
And, of course, Hu Tao was singing some strange song.
“One Hilichurl’s sick, Two Hilichurls check,”
“Three Hilichurls gather herbs, Four Hilichurls stew,”
“Five Hilichurls die, Six Hilichurls lift,”
“Seven Hilichurls dig a hole, Eight Hilichurls bury it~”
“Director Hu… what is that song?” Jiang Bai shivered. “It’s kind of creepy.”
“This is an original Hilichurl ballad, composed by yours truly! Isn’t it catchy?”
“Haha… yeah… catchy.” Jiang Bai let out an awkward laugh.
Not just catchy—it’s straight-up haunting.
The last time he heard it, it looped in his head for days.
Just then, something caught Jiang Bai’s eye.
“Hey! Director Hu, look! A whole patch of Sweet Flowers!”
Before Hu Tao could respond, he had already scrambled up the slope, reaching for the biggest, most beautiful Sweet Flower.
“Wait—”
Before she could finish, the flower he grabbed transformed in an instant, turning into a blazing-hot creature.
Jiang Bai yelped, pulling back his burned fingers, staring wide-eyed.
Where’s my Sweet Flower?! Where did my big, beautiful Sweet Flower go?!
Did this thing eat it?!
Thinking this, he summoned a Geo shield, coating his hand in elemental energy, then grabbed the creature around what seemed to be its “neck.” He pried open its petal-like mouth and peered inside.
“…Nothing?”
The Whopperflower was dumbfounded.
It had planned to teach this foolish human a lesson, showing him the dangers of the world. But before it could do anything, he had grabbed it by the throat, forced open its mouth, and was now shaking it violently as if trying to make it cough something up.
I’m a monster, damn it! Not some plush toy!
Furious, the Whopperflower gathered flames, its body growing hotter as it prepared to attack—
But then it met with a swift and brutal punch to the face.
“Damn it! That Sweet Flower was huge, and now it’s gone!”
Nothing had fallen out of the creature, leaving Jiang Bai enraged. Without hesitation, he finished it off, sending it back into the ley lines.
Still fuming, he harvested all the Sweet Flowers nearby, gathering a whole armful before finally turning back to Hu Tao.
“So, Director Hu… what were you about to say?”
Hu Tao: (⊙o⊙)…
She was speechless.
Sure, Whopperflowers weren’t the strongest monsters, but wasn’t that a bit too effortless?!
“I was going to say that the thing you grabbed was a Whopperflower. It disguises itself as a plant to lure in prey.”
“Ohhh!” Jiang Bai finally understood. “So my Sweet Flower wasn’t eaten—it was the Whopperflower.”
“What a shame… That Sweet Flower was huge. If it were real, I bet it would’ve been so sweet…”
He smacked his lips in regret.
Hu Tao: …
You don’t have to love Sweet Flowers that much…
Sighing, she handed him a basket. Jiang Bai hummed a tune as he carefully packed the flowers inside, treating them like treasure.
“♪ Sweet Flower, oh Sweet Flower~ I love my Sweet Flower~ ♪”
Humming happily, sipping Sweet Flower nectar, Jiang Bai looked completely content.
Hu Tao, on the other hand, couldn’t bear to watch anymore. “Can you sing any worse?”
“Director Hu, your singing isn’t much better—” Jiang Bai cut himself off mid-sentence, immediately clamping a hand over his mouth.
I messed up. I really messed up!
He could already see Hu Tao’s anger meter rising.
Without hesitation, he bolted.
A crimson staff materialized in Hu Tao’s hands, flames dancing in her eyes.
“You! Stop right there!”
Jiang Bai ran for his life, clutching the basket of Sweet Flowers to keep them from spilling. As he rounded a bend, he spotted a figure practicing martial arts under a tree.
The man was tall and muscular, his punches cutting through the air with force. He moved faster and faster, to the point that the swirling leaves around him almost made it look like he was about to take off.
That guy looks like a master fighter!
For the sake of his survival, Jiang Bai sprinted straight toward him without a second thought.
“Hey! You up ahead!”
The man paused mid-punch and looked at Jiang Bai, confused.
“…Are you talking to me?”
“Yes! You!”
Jiang Bai darted behind him, seeking refuge.
“A warrior as strong as you wouldn’t ignore someone in need, right?!”
The man blinked in bewilderment. “Uh… What?”
“Doesn’t matter! Just protect me for a second!”
—
T/N: LMAOOO
This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!
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