Hu Tao Is Monetizing My Existence. [301]

Your Excellency—

A grown man acting cute towards another grown man—this scene really is way too bizarre!

Zhongli lightly pressed a hand to his forehead. Jiang Bai truly climbed the pole once given the slightest encouragement.

Moreover, just moments ago, weren’t you clearly reluctant to accept? Why are you suddenly so enthusiastic?

“I haven’t even had the apprentice’s tea yet.”

“Tomorrow before dawn, I’ll go gather glaze lily dew!”

Jiang Bai immediately began massaging Zhongli’s shoulders and back, looking every inch a model apprentice showing filial piety.

Zhongli fell silent again.

Why did he suddenly regret saying he wanted to take this fellow as an apprentice?

Zhongli’s gaze landed on Jiang Bai’s hand. “How are your injuries?”

Jiang Bai immediately looked pitiful. “They’re really, really serious…”

Signora’s expression grew complicated. How can a grown man say something so disgustingly pathetic?

She crossed her arms, lowering her gaze. “Taking care of your disciple isn’t part of our contract. Besides, it’s not my fault he couldn’t beat me—he’s simply lacking skill.”

Zhongli rested a hand under his chin. “According to general logic, that’s true. But purely as the mortal Zhongli, helping my disciple regain some face isn’t out of the question.”

Jiang Bai, Aether, and Paimon stared at him with sparkling eyes.

“As the mortal Zhongli, I challenge you, Signora.”

Signora’s expression turned grim.

Unsealing the ancient god had drained much of her power, and after fighting Jiang Bai, the divine power granted by Her Majesty was almost exhausted—she had yet to recover.

In other words, if she fought Zhongli now, she’d be limited to the power of her Delusion.

“It seems I have no choice but to accept.” She removed her fur-lined cloak, carelessly tossing it aside. “Come, then.”

Jiang Bai, Aether, and Paimon immediately darted to the sidelines, pulling out small benches, ready for a good show.

…

The fight between Zhongli and Signora was utterly one-sided—crushed!

Completely crushed!

Zhongli didn’t use a shred of divine power, nor even any weapons, yet Signora wielding her Delusion was utterly helpless before him.

Jiang Bai only saw two swift moves, and Signora collapsed to the ground.

“Wow, s-so strong!” Paimon was stammering in awe.

Even though she knew Rex Lapis was strong, seeing Zhongli defeat Signora without even using divine power—in just two moves—he was simply too powerful!

Seeing Signora struggling on the ground, trying to prop herself up, Jiang Bai shamelessly rushed to Zhongli’s side, massaging his hands and legs diligently.

“Shifu, are your hands tired? Let me give you a massage.” Then he glanced toward Aether. “Little Aether, quick, bring a chair! Shifu can’t just keep standing! What if he’s tired?”

Little Aether?

Aether blinked blankly. Was Jiang Bai calling him?

Paimon eagerly chimed in, “That’s right! Little Aether, hurry up and bring Mr. Zhongli a chair. What if he’s tired?”

Faced with these two shameless flatterers, Aether wordlessly brought over a cushioned chair.

Zhongli sat down with total ease.

Signora wiped the blood from her lips, forcing herself to stand, her gaze fixed on Zhongli, filled with unwillingness.

She’d never expected to lose to Zhongli so easily.

Back in Mondstadt, even Barbatos struggled helplessly against her power, despite his divinity.

Still, she was aware of her own condition and didn’t want to linger.

“Hmph. The contract is complete, Morax. Hand over your Gnosis.”

“Our contract is fulfilled. As you desire, I grant you the promised item.” Zhongli’s gaze was indifferent as the Gnosis appeared in his palm.

It was Jiang Bai’s first time seeing a Gnosis so close up.

Zhongli’s Gnosis differed slightly from Venti’s, glowing with a golden light that belonged unmistakably to Geo, but similar in shape, resembling a chess piece.

The Gnosis floated into Signora’s hands, and she turned to leave without another word.

Once Signora left, silence filled the room.

Paimon sighed deeply. “Who’d have guessed you were actually Rex Lapis? Jiang Bai even told me at first that you were the one who killed Rex Lapis!”

At this, Jiang Bai’s embarrassment resurfaced instantly.

“Stop mentioning that!”

“Oh? Why shouldn’t we mention it?” Zhongli seemed rather amused by his disciple’s embarrassment.

Jiang Bai started banging his head against the wall, making dull thunking sounds. “If you want to embarrass me to death, just say so!”

“Alright, alright, we’ll stop, just quit hitting your head!” Paimon genuinely feared he’d kill himself this way.

“Well, from a certain angle, Jiang Bai wasn’t wrong.” Aether couldn’t resist adding fuel to the fire, mischievously. “Rex Lapis did die because of Zhongli.”

When embarrassment reaches a critical threshold, surpassing it somehow makes it less embarrassing.

Jiang Bai, utterly defeated, abandoned all struggle.

“Mr. Zhongli, why would you give your Gnosis to them? And what was this contract you mentioned?” Seeing Jiang Bai give up completely, Aether stopped teasing and pressed further.

Zhongli shook his head slightly. “It wasn’t a gift. It was a transaction bound by a contract—one between myself and the Tsaritsa.”

“Fine. But why fake your death?”

“Yeah! Faking your death was too much! Everyone happily gathered for your ceremony, then suddenly a dragon fell from the sky—causing so much chaos!” Paimon complained, deeply puzzled by Zhongli’s behavior.

Before Zhongli could reply, Jiang Bai answered for him.

“Because he wanted to retire.” Jiang Bai explained seriously. “He once discussed with me whether humans truly need gods. He concluded maybe humans don’t need gods at all.”

“In dangerous times, gods can offer protection. But in peaceful eras, the importance of gods greatly diminishes.”

“He established Liyue 3,700 years ago and hasn’t rested from his duties since. Continuously guiding Liyue’s growth, tirelessly, for millennia. Anyone would feel exhausted—so, naturally, he did too.”

Zhongli nodded slightly, indicating he should continue.

He was curious how much Jiang Bai had understood after connecting the dots.

“Though he was tired, he was also afraid. Afraid that after nurturing this ‘child’ for 3,700 years, once he let go, it might disappear. So, he orchestrated his death as a test, cooperating with the Fatui to gauge whether the people of Liyue could stand on their own.”

“If Liyue survived this crisis without him, he could truly retire. If not, before Osial reached Liyue Harbor, he would’ve personally stepped in to stop it.”

“Correct.” Zhongli nodded approvingly.

Jiang Bai’s mind was actually quite sharp—except his thought process occasionally veered off into abnormal territory.

“The resolution to this event far exceeded my expectations. The answer delivered by the Liyue Qixing even surpassed what I anticipated.”

Jiang Bai was thoroughly aware of the Qixing’s recent actions and was curious to hear Zhongli’s evaluation.

“My expectations for them initially mirrored those of the adepti: protect Liyue. Yet, they seized this opportunity to replace the gods, rapidly consolidating power during the vacuum created by my ‘death.’”

—

This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!