Hu Tao Is Monetizing My Existence. [284]

Qiqi nodded, placed Bloop on top of her hat, and took the prescription to fetch the medicine.

“Everlasting incense… everlasting incense…” She held the prescription and climbed the ladder with practiced ease, rummaging through the medicine shelves. She found all the other things Jiang Bai had casually scribbled in, but the everlasting incense was nowhere to be seen.

After thinking for a moment, she took the prescription to the backyard to find Baizhu.

“Bai-xiansheng… everlasting incense… can’t find it.”

Baizhu was processing medicinal herbs. At her words, he wiped his hands, took the prescription from Qiqi, and glanced over it.

After a moment, his brow furrowed.

“…This is a prescription?”

It looked for all the world like something scribbled at random—no illness specified, no dosage for the ingredients, no method for preparation—just the names of a few flowers.

“Jiang Bai-ge… wants everlasting incense.”

“Oh? I’ll go have a look.” He set aside the unfinished herbs and walked with Qiqi toward the pharmacy.

When he saw Jiang Bai and Zhongli, he asked curiously, “What do you two need everlasting incense for?”

“It’s for the Rite of Parting.”

“So that’s it.” Baizhu nodded in sudden understanding—then immediately named his price like a lion’s opening roar: “Three million mora. Absolutely top quality.”

“—! You’re gouging us! You’re absolutely gouging us!” Jiang Bai’s eyes widened.

These past two days, with so many purchases for the Rite of Parting, the moment the shopkeepers heard what it was for, they either gave discounts or gifted the goods outright. Only Baizhu, upon hearing it was for the ceremony, set a sky-high price!

Weren’t doctors supposed to be benevolent?! This was just a profiteer!

Baizhu smiled with narrowed eyes. “Everlasting incense should only be available here. If you don’t want it, you’re free to leave.”

Zhongli rested his chin in his hand. “Three million… at first glance it’s nothing much, but from a perspective of common rationality, it is indeed somewhat… difficult.”

“Forget common rationality—just say how much you want! If you won’t give a discount, I’ll bring the Director here and have her haggle you down.”

At the thought of Hu Tao’s shameless, relentless haggling power, Baizhu’s smile froze. “…In that case, how about a discount—two million nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand.”

“What difference is there between that and three million?! That’s not even a ninety-nine percent discount!” Jiang Bai was furious.

Zhongli kept resting his chin in his hand. “Mn… two million nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand. At first glance, it’s nothing much, but from a perspective of common rationality, it is indeed one million less than three million.”

“Zhongli-san, can you stop with the common rationality already and just haggle?!” Jiang Bai was nearly driven mad.

This was the worst part of going out shopping with Zhongli.

This man who never carried money never looked at prices, and never bargained!

If the price was worth it, fine—but this was blatant price-gouging!

Qiqi tugged at Baizhu’s sleeve, looking up at him with innocent eyes. “Bai-xiansheng… cheaper…”

Baizhu sighed. “Alright, alright… since Qiqi’s asking, I’ll give you a ten percent discount.”

“Done. Send the bill straight to the Northland Bank—to Childe.” Jiang Bai couldn’t be bothered to haggle further. It was nearly dark, and they still had to collect the incense balm.

If Childe wanted to make a ‘gesture,’ then this was the simplest and most direct way.

The everlasting incense was exactly that—incense. Three enormous sticks meeting the formal specifications for the Rite of Parting.

With the finely crafted sandalwood box holding them, Jiang Bai strode out of Bubu Pharmacy.

Bloop, who had been forgotten, saw his master leaving and quickly leapt down from Qiqi’s hat. It duang duanged across the ground, trying to hop up onto Jiang Bai’s shoulder.

But Jiang Bai was too tall; after several tries it couldn’t reach, so it flattened itself like a lump of dough against his clothes and wriggled upward bit by bit.

Qiqi stared blankly at the departing slime. “The toy… ran away.”

Baizhu’s large hand patted her head gently. “Too dangerous, keeping a monster. I’ll have Changsheng catch you a little finch instead.”

“Finch… good.” At the mention of a finch, Qiqi instantly forgot the slime.

…

Back at Yujing Terrace, the everlasting incense was placed into the censer. Surveying the fully prepared surroundings, Zhongli looked rather satisfied.

Jiang Bai glanced at the sky. “About time to go collect the incense balm.”

“Incense balm, huh? Let’s all go! I want to see what kind of scent Miss Ying’er has made.” Hu Tao clasped her hands behind her back and hopped along beside them.

The three made their way to the Spring Fragrance Kiln. Ying’er leaned in the doorway, looking at them in surprise.

“Oh my, that handsome young fellow didn’t come?”

“He had other matters—we came to collect it first.”

“What a pity. I was going to give him some advice—be careful when you’ve got three boats under your feet, or you’ll capsize.”

“Advice? Three boats? What?” Hu Tao was confused.

Seeing she wanted to keep asking, Jiang Bai quickly diverted the topic. “Miss Ying’er is just joking. Director, let’s look at the incense balm instead!”

Hu Tao’s gaze fell to the three boxes of balm on the table—each with a distinct and different scent.

Ying’er introduced them one by one. “This first balm—sweet and dreamy—is every young girl’s favorite. This second—rich and imposing—is loved by wealthy young ladies. And this third—its fragrance hazy yet lingering, like dim light through mist—is most beloved by mature women.”

Jiang Bai thought all three smelled nice. He looked at Hu Tao. “Director, what scent do you like?”

“Zhongli should like the second one, the rich and imposing. As for me… I think the third smells pretty good. But I prefer the clean chill of plum blossoms—subtle, lingering, and long-lasting.”

Jiang Bai silently noted her preference. But he suspected making a balm to match Hu Tao’s standards would be difficult.

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor did have a few plum trees, but only the large one in Hu Tao’s own courtyard had the purest scent and the fullest blossoms. But he couldn’t exactly strip it bare.

Otherwise, before the balm was even made, he’d be dead.

Troubled.jpg

After paying, they carried the balm to the Statue of The Seven, to let the Lord of Geo choose.

A thought suddenly struck Jiang Bai. “If the Lord of Geo picks one, what do we do with the other two?”

“Of course, we keep them for ourselves,” Zhongli said matter-of-factly.

Balm wasn’t only for wearing—just placing it somewhere would let its fragrance linger. It was perfect for studies, living rooms, or bedrooms.

Such fine balm was rare. It shouldn’t be wasted.

“Then let’s hope the Lord of Geo leaves the third one.” Jiang Bai voiced his hope.

Zhongli gave him a silent look.

At the statue, under Zhongli’s guidance, Hu Tao placed the first balm before it, murmuring words as she did.

“Lord of Geo, we’ve prepared three balms for you—smell each and see which you like.”

She waited after speaking, but the statue didn’t respond. Then she placed the second balm.

Still no reaction.

But when the third balm was placed, before long, the statue gave a faint glow.

“Huh? Lord of Geo actually likes the sweet and dreamy scent?” Hu Tao was surprised.

She had thought the Lord of Geo would prefer the one with the soft, hazy scent like dim light through mist.

“Since the statue has chosen, Director, you keep this balm. This one will go in my study.”

Zhongli handed the hazy balm to Hu Tao and tucked the rich and imposing one into his own pocket.

Jiang Bai looked at the statue, then at the balm in Hu Tao’s hands. He couldn’t shake the feeling…

…That someone had just pulled some strings.

—

T/N: ZHOINGLIIIII

This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!