Hu Tao Is Monetizing My Existence. [277]

Returning to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, Aether and Jiang Bai officially began preparing the Sending-off Ceremony under Zhongli’s direction.

As for Paimon—she was more of a mascot tagging along.

Jiang Bai and Aether flanked Zhongli on either side, looking like two solemn guardians escorting him through the streets.

As they walked, Zhongli casually chatted with Aether. “I’ve heard of your exploits in Mondstadt. Since arriving in Liyue, you’ve been constantly occupied. When this matter concludes, why not stay a while longer and experience Liyue’s unique culture, quite distinct from Mondstadt’s?”

“Mm-hmm!” Paimon nodded enthusiastically.

Aether gave a small nod as well. Even without Zhongli’s suggestion, he intended to linger in Liyue for a while—Mondstadt, too.

Zhongli continued, “Preparing the Sending-off Ceremony will be tiring, but the process itself will enrich your journey and broaden your horizons.”

“Mr. Zhongli’s way of speaking is a bit fancy; you might not get it fully,” Jiang Bai suddenly interjected, immediately drawing everyone’s attention.

Hearing this, Zhongli raised his gaze toward Jiang Bai, genuinely curious about how his future disciple might interpret such a straightforward statement.

With his hands clasped casually behind his head, Jiang Bai ignored Zhongli’s puzzled stare and confidently explained:

“What Mr. Zhongli means is: though the Sending-off Ceremony will exhaust you and provide no tangible reward, the mere act of participating is valuable. Later, you can brag about it to others—saying that you personally helped organize the Geo Archon’s Sending-off Ceremony. Then everyone will look at you in awe…”

Zhongli: “…”

He felt somewhat inclined to refute this interpretation, yet Jiang Bai wasn’t exactly wrong either.

Forget it.

“There was all that hidden meaning behind a single sentence?!” Paimon exclaimed, gaining a whole new respect for how indirect people in Liyue could be.

Aether glanced awkwardly at Jiang Bai, slightly worried Zhongli might suddenly decide to smack him.

Zhongli merely sighed softly, feeling quite helpless.

His future disciple had a uniquely unconventional way of interpreting things.

Deciding not to dwell further, Zhongli moved on. “The first step in preparing the ceremony is to obtain Noctilucous Jade of a quality befitting a god.”

The group soon arrived at Jade Mystery, a shop specializing in precious minerals. Seeing customers approach, Shitou, the shopkeeper, enthusiastically greeted them.

“Welcome! Care to try your luck with some uncut stones?”

“No, we’re here for your best-quality Noctilucous Jade,” Jiang Bai interrupted directly.

He’d casually visited Jade Mystery a couple of times before out of boredom, but with no expertise in minerals, he’d always ended up empty-handed.

He recalled Hu Tao mentioning that Zhongli had once unearthed some extraordinary pieces, though whether it was at this shop, he wasn’t sure.

“We require Noctilucous Jade at least of the ‘Lustrous’ grade,” Zhongli stated calmly.

The moment Shitou heard this, he realized they couldn’t be easily fooled. Ordinary people wouldn’t know about the detailed grades of Noctilucous Jade.

“Please wait a moment; I’ll fetch the best we have.”

In no time, Shitou brought out several brocade boxes, each containing top-tier Noctilucous Jade.

“How about these?” Shitou eagerly presented them to Zhongli, clearly recognizing him as the decision-maker. “Look at this quality! Truly exceptional—as if blessed by Rex Lapis himself. Choose whichever you like!”

Everyone’s eyes immediately fixed upon Zhongli, as only he knew exactly what they required.

“Mr. Zhongli, which one do we buy?” Paimon asked curiously.

Zhongli glanced briefly at the three premium jades in front of him. “Naturally, all of them.”

Jiang Bai pressed a hand to his forehead, feeling deeply worried about his financial future.

My future master spends Mora far too freely. How am I ever going to support him?

Overjoyed, Shitou immediately began packaging the jade, cheerfully flattering Zhongli, “I knew right away you were extraordinary—such generosity!”

“Wait, wait. He doesn’t get the final say—we’ll only buy one,” Jiang Bai quickly interrupted.

Even though Hu Tao promised reimbursement, this was just the first purchase—it wasn’t wise to spend recklessly.

“That’s right!” Paimon chimed in. “If the ceremony only requires one, buying three is way too wasteful!”

Zhongli paused, as if only now remembering the concept of budgeting. “I didn’t consider that aspect just now. Forgive my oversight.”

“Huh? How can you shop without considering Mora?” Paimon stared in disbelief.

“You’ll get used to it. Our dear consultant never checks prices,” Jiang Bai muttered under his breath.

I really need to cure Mr. Zhongli of this habit, or I’ll go broke someday!

“If everything is limited by Mora, doesn’t that mean you’re allowing Mora to control you?” Zhongli argued solemnly, justifying himself.

“Is that why you always forward your bills to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor?” Jiang Bai retorted immediately.

Zhongli fell silent, rendered speechless.

“I thought Mr. Zhongli was rich. Turns out, he’s just good at running up tabs…” Aether realized quietly, discovering an unexpected truth.

“Oh, he’s definitely wealthy. He just never carries money around,” Jiang Bai added helpfully. “In my opinion, Mr. Zhongli, you should deposit your Mora directly with Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. It’d save the Director the trouble of chasing you for money every month.”

Although most of Zhongli’s expenses were deducted from his wages, his spending habits far exceeded his monthly pay. More often than not, Hu Tao ended up covering the shortfall herself.

The one time Zhongli casually produced billions of Mora had genuinely been unprecedented.

Zhongli stared pointedly at Jiang Bai, prompting Jiang Bai to shrink back nervously, falling silent.

Paimon scratched her head, thoroughly confused. “This seems complicated…”

“Let’s return to the jade,” Zhongli smoothly redirected the topic. “Evaluating Noctilucous Jade is indeed troublesome. Whether good or poor quality, the raw minerals have similar texture, color, and internal patterns. Only after crafting something from the jade do some pieces reveal themselves as unworthy.”

“When you go to confront unscrupulous merchants afterward, they’ll dismiss you with excuses like ‘your crafting table is poor’ or ‘your technique was flawed’…”

“Alright, alright, Mr. Zhongli, please just choose,” Jiang Bai groaned impatiently, unwilling to endure Zhongli’s lecture.

Zhongli could elaborate endlessly on virtually any subject, sometimes talking nonstop for half an hour if he got carried away. Standing there and listening was exhausting.

Zhongli turned to stare at Jiang Bai again, prompting Jiang Bai to sheepishly step back and hold Paimon up as a shield.

Paimon, annoyed, floated upward, exposing him again.

Zhongli silently decided that at some point, he’d seriously instruct Jiang Bai on what respecting one’s master entailed.

And the first lesson would surely be: not interrupting your master when he’s enjoying an explanation.

—

This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!