After several days out in the wild, Jiang Bai and Hu Tao returned to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor just one day before the Rite of Descension.
Although Jiang Bai had vowed never to attend the ceremony again after last year’s chaos, considering the Fatui’s potential schemes, he and Hu Tao decided they’d better attend. If something were to happen, they’d at least be among the first to know.
At around the same time, Aether and Paimon arrived in Liyue Harbor. After marveling at the city’s bustling beauty, the duo realized they had a more pressing issue: accommodation.
While camping under the stars or finding shelter in caves was fine in the wilderness, sleeping on the streets in the city wasn’t exactly practical.
Even with a fortune of one million Mora in hand, Paimon insisted on saving for future adventures. So, she hatched a plan: they’d shamelessly crash at Jiang Bai’s place!
Under the pretext of repaying their debt and casually revealing they’d have no choice but to sleep outside otherwise, Jiang Bai surely wouldn’t turn them away.
Of course, hiding their newfound riches was essential to the plan.
After rehearsing their story, they asked around until a helpful passerby directed them to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.
Standing in front of the tightly shut doors, Paimon rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “Huh? Why’s the gate closed?”
“No idea. Let’s knock and see.”
Just as Aether reached to knock, the gate creaked open—it hadn’t been closed, only slightly ajar.
The attendant on duty glanced up. “Good day. Are you here to arrange funeral services or purchase burial goods?”
Due to the closed windows, the hall was rather dark and foreboding, prompting Paimon to shiver and hug herself tightly. She suddenly regretted this plan.
“We’re here looking for someone.”
“And who might that be?”
“Jiang Bai. We’re his friends—is he here?”
“Yes, he is. Would you like me to take you to him?”
“That’d be great, thanks.”
Following the attendant, Aether and Paimon walked quietly through Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. Given its purpose and solemn atmosphere, neither said much. After all, coffins, paper offerings, mourning clothes, and urns were unsettlingly common sights here.
For timid Paimon, this was all very unnerving. As for Aether… well, he simply wasn’t the chatty type.
When the attendant knocked on Jiang Bai’s courtyard gate, Paimon finally found her voice again.
“Jiang Bai sure lives comfortably—he even gets his own yard!” she said, pouting with jealousy.
The attendant chuckled softly. “Well, Director Hu is quite fond of Jiang Bai.”
Hearing the knock, Jiang Bai opened the gate, eyes widening in surprise upon seeing Aether and Paimon.
“Oh! It’s you two.”
He had clearly just finished bathing; his hair was still damp, though the wound on his forehead was barely visible now.
“We asked all over town to find you!” Paimon declared, crossing her arms.
“Is your leg better?” Aether’s gaze dropped briefly to Jiang Bai’s leg.
Nodding thanks to the attendant, Jiang Bai invited them inside. “Long since healed! Welcome, come on in.”
“Oh! A slime?!” Paimon exclaimed, immediately spotting the slime happily splashing around in the shallow pool.
Jiang Bai had built the small pond himself recently—lined with pebbles, it served as a cozy home for Bloop.
“That’s my pet, Bloop,” Jiang Bai said proudly. “Bloop, come here.”
Bloop bounced obediently over, looking curiously at the newcomers. Jiang Bai held out his hand, and the slime hopped onto it. Grinning mischievously, he lifted Bloop toward Paimon’s face, comparing the two.
“Well? Isn’t he cuter than you?”
Paimon scoffed. “Hmph! How can a slime compare to me!”
“Bloop, show this white floating creature who’s boss!”
Bloop happily spat out a large bubble, trapping Paimon inside. Struggling for a while, she eventually burst free, stomping angrily midair.
“Hey! That was a sneak attack!”
“That wasn’t sneaky at all—it was fair and square. Right, Aether?”
Aether sighed, covering his face.
He’d come to understand by now: Jiang Bai truly enjoyed teasing Paimon.
When Aether didn’t reply, Paimon puffed her cheeks, rivaling an Anemo slime.
“Come inside, I’ll make tea,” Jiang Bai said, ushering them in.
The moment Paimon saw the black coffin placed casually in the corner of the living room, she squeaked and darted behind Aether for protection.
“Why is there a coffin in your room?!” she demanded, utterly baffled.
“It’s my future resting place, why are you scared?” Jiang Bai replied with feigned innocence, clearly amused by her reaction.
Aether’s mouth twitched slightly. “Is this normal for everyone in Wangsheng Funeral Parlor?”
“More or less. Interested in reserving one for yourself? Adventuring is dangerous, you know. One wrong step and you might—”
Before Jiang Bai could say something truly ominous, Aether hastily covered his mouth, refusing to let him jinx anything. He still needed to find his sister; such dark humor wasn’t welcome here.
Seeing Jiang Bai silenced, Paimon triumphantly placed her hands on her hips, finally avenged.
Jiang Bai shook his head with mock disappointment. “Such narrow-mindedness.”
“We came here to repay you,” Aether interrupted, handing over ten thousand Mora, suddenly eager to leave. He worried that if he stayed any longer, Jiang Bai might seriously begin planning his funeral arrangements.
“You’ve done well, earning so much already!” Jiang Bai praised, mood lifting at the sight of Mora.
“We’ve completed lots of commissions from the Adventurers’ Guild,” Aether explained briefly.
“If you’d come a month ago, I could’ve treated you both to Wanmin Restaurant,” Jiang Bai sighed dramatically. “But now I’m deep in debt, so you’ll have to treat me instead.”
Paimon fumed, “We traveled all this way, and now you want your guests to buy you dinner? How shameless!”
Ignoring her indignation, Jiang Bai calmly poured tea and offered snacks. “Come now, we’re friends. It hardly matters who pays, right?”
“Hmph!” Paimon relented begrudgingly, tempted by the snacks.
“I heard you have guests! Where, where? Let me meet them!” Hu Tao’s lively voice rang out before she even arrived.
Aether and Paimon looked up, intrigued about this “Director.”
Not bothering with gates or paths, Hu Tao expertly scaled the courtyard wall, taking just two swift strides to enter the room. She glanced at Paimon briefly, then locked eyes on Aether.
Seizing his hands energetically, she shook them with a bright, enthusiastic smile, leaving Aether somewhat bewildered.
“You two must be Jiang Bai’s friends! I’m Hu Tao, the 77th Director of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. Delighted to meet you!”
Observing Hu Tao shaking Aether’s hands vigorously, Jiang Bai suddenly felt a pang of regret, suspecting that letting these two meet might’ve been a mistake.
—
This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!
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