Hu Tao Is Monetizing My Existence. [247]

“Having a good weapon counts as skill too!” Jiang Bai declared smugly.

Who said weapons weren’t part of a warrior’s strength?

Now equipped with both the wine vessel and [Baiyuan], Jiang Bai felt his combat strength had multiplied countless times—he even dared to face Zhongli head-on!

Holding [Baiyuan] in blade form, he boldly took Hu Tao’s hand right in front of Zhongli.

Her slender fingers were cool to the touch, like delicate jade—soft, icy, and utterly mesmerizing.

“What are you doing?” Hu Tao blinked, puzzled by Jiang Bai’s sudden gesture.

Zhongli’s eyes narrowed slightly. Jiang Bai flinched like he’d been electrocuted, quickly stuffing [Baiyuan] into Hu Tao’s hand, trying to appear casually generous.

“Here, you can play with it!”

He was wrong! He absolutely wasn’t brave enough yet!

Mr. Zhongli was way too terrifying!

Just one look from him made Jiang Bai feel as if the Grim Reaper had personally summoned him. It was horrifying!

Only lasted three seconds! Jiang Bai sobbed internally.

“In that case, I won’t be polite!” Hu Tao didn’t bother wondering why Jiang Bai was acting strangely. Happily gripping the sword, she swung it around experimentally a few times, decided it wasn’t enough, then darted off toward the training grounds and vanished from sight.

“Um, Mr. Zhongli, I’ll head back first,” Jiang Bai mumbled, desperate to escape Zhongli’s penetrating gaze.

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Zhongli merely glanced at him briefly without a word.

Jiang Bai grabbed the nearby slime tank and sped off in his wheelchair at top speed.

The tank bounced and rattled wildly, and the poor slime inside now had “×” marks for eyes. With each bump, it helplessly splatted against the glass walls.

Finally reaching his courtyard, Jiang Bai noticed something was wrong. He quickly opened the glass case and carefully pulled out the slime.

“Bloop! Are you okay?! You haven’t even seen your new home yet—you can’t die before your career even starts!”

He kneaded the slime’s limp body urgently, stretching and squeezing it like dough, trying desperately to revive it.

Actually, the slime felt incredibly soft and pleasantly cool, wonderfully squishy to touch.

But soon, the already dazed slime began foaming at the mouth, forcing Jiang Bai to hastily stop his frantic squeezing and gently place it into a water jar in his yard.

I spent good Mora on you—don’t you dare die on me!

Just as Jiang Bai settled the slime, before it could fully recover, Hu Tao returned.

The sword she carried had reverted to its empty hilt.

“Your [Baiyuan] isn’t much good! I barely played with it, and now it’s already out of energy!”

Jiang Bai calmly refilled [Baiyuan] with elemental energy, and the blade instantly reappeared.

[Baiyuan] itself had no inherent power; both the blade and bullets depended entirely on elemental infusion. Since Jiang Bai acted as its energy converter, continuously providing elemental power, it was essentially exclusive to him. Others could only use it briefly before it ran dry.

He wondered briefly if Aether could power it as well—maybe he’d find a chance to test it sometime.

Hu Tao handed [Baiyuan] back, losing interest in a weapon that constantly needed recharging.

“What’s wrong with your slime? It looks unconscious.” Hu Tao poked the slime floating motionlessly in the jar.

[Baiyuan] once again liquified, climbing Jiang Bai’s arm and forming into its vambrace form.

Since [Baiyuan] wasn’t native to Teyvat, it couldn’t vanish and reappear like ordinary weapons. Its vambrace form was both convenient to carry and practical for defense.

“I think it got knocked around too much on the way home,” Jiang Bai guessed.

He took out the slime’s manual, detailing care instructions, feeding guidelines, forbidden actions, and training methods.

Slimes, being elemental creatures, didn’t actually need food. Instead, they thrived in environments rich in their element.

Hydro Slimes preferred watery or damp surroundings and slightly altered their environment by leaving moisture trails wherever they moved—though these quickly evaporated.

Reading this, Jiang Bai abandoned his dream of carrying it around on his head. If he did, he’d probably spend his days dripping wet.

At last, in the calm water, the slime slowly woke up.

Seeing two human faces looming above, it immediately recalled how easily these two had demolished a stone wall earlier, and it shrank back fearfully in the water.

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Jiang Bai tilted his head curiously.

Slimes lacked facial features besides eyes, so their emotions could only be interpreted through expressions and movements.

Right now, its large eyes drooped downward, filled with apprehension, making it appear pitifully frightened.

Jiang Bai smiled warmly—or at least what he thought was warm—and gently lifted it from the water.

The slime froze obediently in his hands, not daring to move.

Holding it at eye level, Jiang Bai said reassuringly, “Don’t be scared. From now on, I’m your owner.”

The slime was small enough to fit neatly in his cupped hands.

Seeming to understand his words, it rubbed gently against his palms, eyes curving happily, abandoning all dignity as a monster.

“Wow, it really is intelligent!” Hu Tao poked the slime’s belly lightly. It squished inward before bouncing back instantly, making a satisfying duang-duang sound.

Yuyu emerged from Hu Tao’s body, arms crossed, looking down imperiously at the new little companion.

After circling around the slime, Yuyu found no threat and promptly returned to Hu Tao’s body, confident it would never rival her in receiving affection.

“Since it’s my pet, it needs a proper name,” Jiang Bai declared, slipping into deep contemplation.

The slime shuffled around in his palm, inspecting its surroundings and clearly satisfied with its new home.

Comfortable home, powerful master—its future was looking bright!

Feeling content, it blew out a small bubble, making a soft “gudong-gudong” sound.

Inspired, Jiang Bai instantly decided, “Your name will be Bloop!”

“Could you have been any lazier with naming?” Hu Tao scoffed at Jiang Bai’s choice.

“Look who’s talking!” Jiang Bai shot back unapologetically.

Hu Tao had named her ghost Yuyu—which wasn’t exactly creative either.

Jiang Bai mentally noted to never let Hu Tao name their future children—the results might be tragic.

His thoughts wandered off… If we have children, should they take her surname, Hu, or mine, Jiang…?

Seeing Jiang Bai suddenly lost in thought, Hu Tao waved a hand in front of his eyes. “Hello? What are you daydreaming about?”

When he remained unresponsive, as if under a paralysis spell, Hu Tao grabbed his cheeks with both hands and tugged firmly on both sides.

Jiang Bai’s eyes gradually refocused, meeting Hu Tao’s youthful gaze directly. He immediately flushed bright red.

Internally, he harshly reprimanded himself.

The Director is still so young—what the hell am I thinking?! I’m really a beast!

—

T/N: JIANG BAI WHAAAAAAAAT NAME YOUR FUTURE CHILDREN???????

This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!