Hu Tao Is Monetizing My Existence. [204]

Early morning sunlight streamed through the glass, illuminating the figure sleeping on the soft bed.

Aether’s blond hair spilled across the pillow, while Paimon sprawled out on the other side, using his long golden hair as a blanket.

Nearly half the size of the pillow herself, she slept soundly on the large double bed, even dreaming she was eating something. Naturally, the hair draped over her became a snack in her dreams.

She gnawed on Aether’s hair, drool leaking from the corner of her mouth, sticking to the golden strands.

It wasn’t until Aether woke up that the mischief ended.

Rubbing his eyes, he sat up groggily—only to feel a sharp tug at his scalp.

Following the pain, his face froze in horror.

He watched as Paimon, just like a goat that would eat anything, chomped and swallowed his hair!

He quickly yanked the remaining hair out of her mouth, wincing at the mangled, slobbery mess left behind.

He shot a look of disgust at the still-sleeping Paimon, who rolled over and smacked her lips, blissfully unaware.

Why does this emergency food eat literally everything?!

Irritated, he picked Paimon up and, meeting her confused gaze, pointed to the section of his hair she’d chewed to bits.

“Look at what you did!”

“Huh?” Paimon blinked, rubbing her eyes. “What did I do?”

“You chewed my hair! Now it’s covered in your drool!”

“I dreamed I was eating something… Was it your hair?!” Paimon’s eyes went wide with horror. “Wait, if I ate your hair, am I gonna die?!”

A vein bulged on Aether’s forehead. “Do I look like something’s wrong? The only thing wrong right now is my hair!”

Realizing her mistake, Paimon scratched her head and laughed awkwardly. “Sorry, sorry! I’ll help you wash it.”

When Jiang Bai walked into the bathroom, he found Aether gloomily washing his hair first thing in the morning.

Next to him, Paimon floated sheepishly, still damp and covered in shampoo bubbles.

“What happened to you two?” Jiang Bai asked, genuinely curious.

Aether’s face was dark, his posture as he scrubbed his hair making him look even grumpier.

“She said she’d help me wash my hair. Nearly managed to wash herself instead.”

Jiang Bai couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “You actually let this little thing—whose head isn’t even as big as yours—help you wash your hair? She’d probably drown in the sink!”

Paimon hovered awkwardly, eyes darting, poking her fingers together.

Aether glared at her. “From now on, keep your distance from my hair when you sleep. I don’t want to wake up bald one day!”

Jiang Bai eyed Paimon up and down, amazed. “You can even eat hair? That’s… impressive.”

He grabbed her by the edge of her cape. “You’re soaked—come on, I’ll dry you off.”

Resigned, Paimon let herself be carried away.

Klee’s house had plenty of alchemical gadgets made by Albedo, including a special “Elemental Hair Dryer” for Klee’s hair.

According to Albedo, the dryer used crystals infused with Anemo and Pyro. When activated, Anemo would swirl in, get heated by Pyro, and blow out warm air.

It was pretty magical—and Jiang Bai had borrowed one to use on Hu Tao’s hair before.

Now, Jiang Bai picked up the oddly shaped dryer and aimed it at Paimon, drying her off like a cat after a bath.

Paimon stretched out starfish-style on the table, occasionally raising an arm or a leg to get the warm air to hit just right.

Aether, his own hair still damp, walked over and bristled at the sight of Paimon relaxing like nothing happened.

I’m the one whose hair got chewed. I’m the one who had to wash it. And here she is, getting pampered.

Jiang Bai handed him the hair dryer. “Here, you take over. I need to wash up.”

By the time Jiang Bai finished getting ready, Aether had braided his hair, the chewed-off spot hidden out of sight.

Klee bounced down the stairs, bright-eyed and full of energy, already washed and dressed for the day.

“Good morning, everyone!”

“Klee, come have breakfast!”

On the table were some pieces of toast—Jiang Bai had thrown them in the oven earlier.

While eating, Aether suddenly remembered something. “By the way, there’s something I forgot to mention yesterday.”

“What is it?” Jiang Bai asked.

Aether thought back. “Yesterday, before I picked up that crystal, I ran into someone. It looked like he was talking to Stormterror.”

Paimon nodded vigorously. “That’s right! A guy in green clothes! He saw us, then vanished in a flash!”

Green clothes?

Jiang Bai thought for a moment. The Adventurers’ Guild wore green uniforms, and there was a bard he knew who liked green too—but that description was way too broad.

“You think that person has something to do with Stormterror attacking Mondstadt?” Jiang Bai looked to Aether.

Aether shook his head. “I saw him talking to the dragon. It looked like he was trying to calm him down.”

“Well, since Acting Grand Master Jean asked us to help, our task today is to find this person!” Paimon raised a tiny fist in determination.

“Spark Knight Klee will complete the mission!” Klee cheered.

“Let’s start by checking the Adventurers’ Guild. Everyone there wears green,” Jiang Bai suggested.

“Adventurers’ Guild?” Aether was still new to all this.

“It’s a group for adventurers. You can join, take on commissions, and earn rewards. You don’t have any mora, right? If you want to make some, the guild is perfect for you.”

Since Aether was clearly new to town, Jiang Bai stepped in as his unofficial guide, explaining the basics.

He took out a coin. “This is mora—our currency. Looks like this.”

“If you want to live in the city, you’ll need mora. You just got here, so you probably don’t have any. You helped the Knights out so much—they should give you more than just a thank-you. If you don’t want to ask, I’ll help you bring it up.”

Jiang Bai remembered well how tough it was to be new in town. Back then, Wangsheng Funeral Parlor took care of his food and drink, and he was thick-skinned enough to ask Hu Tao for cash without getting embarrassed.

But Aether was different—the Knights hadn’t even arranged a place for him to stay, probably because they were too busy. Neither he nor Paimon had remembered either.

If it hadn’t been for his help, this dragon-slaying hero would’ve spent his first night in Mondstadt sleeping on the street.

Aether shot him a grateful look. He really didn’t have a single mora to his name.

Sure, he had an honorary title, but in the end, that was just a name—hardly any practical value.

Paimon eyed Jiang Bai with new respect. “Didn’t think you were such a good guy!”

Jiang Bai flicked her crown. “Certified by the whole Wangsheng Parlor family—I’m a great guy, always have been.”

—

This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!