Hu Tao Is Monetizing My Existence. [185]

Shenhe: ?

Chongyun plucked the entire pig head off the table and handed it to Shenhe. “Auntie, you’re so thin! You need to eat more, build up your strength!”

Shenhe stared in silence at the enormous pig head suddenly thrust toward her.

“…I can’t possibly eat all this.”

“Pig head meat is the essence of the entire boar, you know! How can none of you want it?” Hu Tao huffed, hands on her hips.

“Clearly you just don’t know where to start. Watch and learn!”

Xiangling grabbed her kitchen knife and, with a few clean swipes, carved the whole head into thin slices, dividing them neatly into three large bowls.

While she was at it, she went ahead and portioned the rest of the meat into smaller, bite-sized pieces—easier to pick up, and easier to eat.

Chongyun, now entirely consumed by yang-fueled enthusiasm, chomped away at the rich, spicy pork. Normally he wouldn’t even look at food like this—now he couldn’t stop. He even started chatting freely with Shenhe.

“Auntie, how have you been living with the adepti? Is it tough? Anything inconvenient? Are you missing anything?”

“Are they strict? Are they nice to you? Are you happy? If not, you should just come home. You’re always welcome.”

He had so many questions he wanted to ask. This was his first real chance to try to get close to her. But both of them were naturally reserved—and with all the usual emotional barriers, this kind of open exchange never seemed possible.

Now, with his mind fogged by overflowing yang energy, none of those filters were in place.

And those weren’t questions only he wanted to ask. The elders in his family had longed for word from her too.

But the boundary between mortals and immortals ran deep, and they’d never had the chance to reunite.

Shenhe looked at her overly passionate, yang-crazed nephew, and—surprisingly—didn’t try to suppress his condition. Just like they said, maybe a little emotional release really was good for him.

She just wondered if he’d remember anything she told him once he snapped out of it.

Seeing that she didn’t reply, Chongyun pressed on relentlessly.

“So they haven’t been treating you well, huh?! Unbelievable! They take you up the mountain, call you a disciple, and then treat you like this?! Just because they’re immortals doesn’t mean they can look down on us mortals! Come on, let’s go! We’ll give them a piece of our mind!”

He actually grabbed Shenhe’s arm and started pulling her like he was ready to storm an adepti domain.

Watching this nonsense unfold, Jiang Bai let out a low whistle.
“Man, he really is like a completely different person…”

Shenhe, staring at Chongyun’s indignant face, slowly shook her head.

“My master treats me very well. Not just her—Mooncarver, Mountain Shaper, and Cloud Retainer are all kind to me. My life in the mountains is peaceful.”

Hearing that, Chongyun finally relented.

“Well, good! Just making sure. But listen, Auntie—if you ever do feel unhappy, or if something goes wrong, you come find me on Mt. Tianheng, alright? Our family will always welcome you back.”

Seeing the concern in his eyes, Shenhe felt something shift inside her.

There was a time when she believed she had no ties left in the mortal world. The places she’d once called home were long gone, and her heart, bound in red string, had become a still lake—emotionless and undisturbed.

But these people—these moments—they were like pebbles dropped into that lake, sending ripples through the surface.

The drink tasted good. The pork was delicious. The breeze felt nice.

She nodded lightly. “Mm.”

The group continued eating and chatting, the roast steadily disappearing from the table.

Jiang Bai, now thoroughly stuffed, leaned back in his lounge chair and gave a loud belch, rubbing his round stomach. He didn’t want to move an inch.

Everyone else was just as full. Even Shenhe couldn’t eat another bite.

But the wild boar had been huge, and with all its fatty, juicy meat, there was still plenty left—too much for six people to finish.

Hu Tao packed a portion of the tenderloin to bring back for Zhongli as a snack to pair with wine, then pushed the rest toward Shenhe.

“We’re full, and tossing it would be a waste. You should take it back to the adepti. Let them have a taste of mortal cuisine for a change!”

“Yeah, Auntie! I bet your master’s never tasted Xiangling’s cooking before—once they try it, they’ll be hooked!”

“…Alright,” Shenhe nodded, and began packing up the leftovers.

“But this isn’t nearly enough for a proper offering,” Xiangling said, rolling up her sleeves again. “I’ll make a few more dishes you can bring with you!”

And just like that, she was back in action—firing up the stove with the rest of the leftover ingredients.

Hot oil hissed in the pan, and before long, a dish of stir-fried pig liver was ready to serve.

Then came spicy boiled pig heart, scrambled eggs with tripe, cool and crisp pig stomach salad…

If time hadn’t been so short, she would’ve butchered the mountain chickens too and made soup.

She packed everything neatly into food containers, wiping the sweat from her brow with great satisfaction.

“I wasn’t sure what flavor the adepti prefer, so I made a bunch of different styles…”

“Thank you,” Shenhe said softly.

“No problem!” Xiangling grinned.

“I’ll deliver these to my master first,” Shenhe added. “They’re still hot—better to eat them fresh.”

Luckily, her master was currently visiting Cloud Retainer’s domain in Jueyun Karst, so she could make the trip quickly.

“Go for it!” the group called as she took off.

With Shenhe gone, the others lounged beneath the trees beside the stream, enjoying a lazy, carefree afternoon.

Then Hu Tao sat up suddenly, her eyes gleaming.

“Alright, what’d you all get me for my birthday? C’mon, hand it over!”

She was practically bouncing with anticipation.

“I got you a brocade parasol embroidered with red plum blossoms,” Xingqiu said, pulling out his gift.

It was one of the ornamental umbrellas from his family’s shop—completely impractical. It blocked neither sun nor rain, meant only to be hung on walls as luxury décor.

But luxury items weren’t about usefulness, were they?

Hu Tao accepted it with delight.

It might be useless, but it looked expensive. Hung in the parlor, it’d be the perfect centerpiece.

“Here’s a Wanmin Restaurant coupon—all-you-can-eat,” Xiangling declared, slapping her hand into Hu Tao’s, though she produced nothing physical.

“Oho! This Director will remember that! Don’t blame me if I go straight for the priciest stuff!”

“Bring it on,” Xiangling said, folding her arms. “Do I look like someone who backs down?”

“Exorcism peach talisman.”

Chongyun—still not fully recovered—tossed her a slip of talisman paper, clearly proud of himself.

“I made this myself! It’s infused with a wisp of my pure yang energy—evil spirits won’t dare come near!”

“Nice! Not that any evil spirits would dare bother this Director anyway,” Hu Tao grinned as she pocketed it.

She might not need it, but her fellow funeral consultants certainly would.

In their line of work, dealing with death day in and day out, it was easy to accumulate a bit of yin energy. For the older ones, it wasn’t uncommon to feel chronically cold. This would help.

“Hey, Chongyun—got any more of these? Gimme a few extras.”

“I have some… but they’re not free,” he said, clutching his pouch protectively, wary of her notorious shamelessness.

“How much? This Director’ll buy the lot! But you’d better charge them with pure yang, or they’re useless!”

“Fine, fine. One thousand mora each.” Chongyun started pulling them out and imbuing each one with yang energy on the spot.

That’s when Hu Tao turned toward Guoba. With a big, expectant smile, she held out her hand.

“Guoba~ what about your gift?”

Guoba’s eyes widened.
Wait—I’m supposed to give a gift too?!

Wuwuwu, my poor Director, where’s your present already…

—

This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!