Hu Tao Is Monetizing My Existence. [87]

“Wuwuwu… Director, you’re too good to me…”

Jiang Bai somehow fished out a handkerchief from who-knows-where and dabbed at his eyes.

“Enough crying! You’re a grown man, sobbing like that—what kind of look is that?” Hu Tao couldn’t bear to watch, her face full of disdain.

“Okay!” Jiang Bai instantly switched gears, tears gone in a flash.

Grinning from ear to ear, he scooted over to Hu Tao. “Director, how much did that thing cost?”

Hu Tao raised two fingers.

“Two hundred thousand?”

“As if!”

“Two million?”

“Still too cheap!”

“Twenty… million?!” Jiang Bai’s jaw nearly hit the floor.

“Pretty much! Granny Ping gave me a friends-and-family discount—it was just a little over twenty million.”

Just over twenty million.

Jiang Bai felt his soul leave his body as he listened to this utterly inhuman level of spending.

So this is what it means to be rich…

When would he be able to speak so casually about dropping that kind of Mora?

“How come it’s more expensive than the Four Directions Compass?”

Hu Tao sighed, realizing she needed to educate this clueless man. “If you count the cost of materials, the Compass is way pricier than the Sanqing Bell!”

That Fourfold Spirit Core from Mountain Shaper alone was worth a fortune.

All the bits and pieces added up to almost ten million Mora.

Jiang Bai smacked his lips. Everything in his arms was practically oozing the scent of money.

Stuff so valuable, selling myself wouldn’t cover the cost.

“Now we just need to get you some proper gear, and we can officially launch our new service!”

“Oh.”

Still cradling his pile of priceless treasures, Jiang Bai followed Hu Tao obediently into a clothing shop.

With a dramatic wave of her hand, Hu Tao summoned the best seamstress in the store.

“Make him a few custom outfits! They need to look good! Be formal! Serious! Easy to move in! And they must have that signature Wangsheng Funeral Parlor flair! Two sets for each season!”

At first, the seamstress was stunned. The list of demands was all over the place—serious yet stylish, functional yet unique? That was a tall order.

But then she heard the quantity and instantly lit up, tossing all concerns out the window.

As long as the money’s good, no request is too much.

“Director, isn’t this a bit… overkill?” Jiang Bai leaned in to whisper.

He really wasn’t used to such a generous version of Hu Tao.

“Honing the blade before chopping wood, my dear Jiang Bai. If we’re gonna do this, we’re doing it right! As they say, clothes make the man—and presentation builds credibility! Outfits like these are essential!

“From now on, you represent the face of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. And our face? It needs to shine!”

Jiang Bai looked at Hu Tao as if seeing her anew. Maybe he’d imagined the stingy director who wouldn’t even spare a single Mora.

Testing the waters, he extended a hand with a sheepish grin. “Then, Director… how about giving me a little spending money?”

Hu Tao slapped his hand away. “What spending money?! I just dropped a fortune! My wallet’s empty! You wanna spend? Earn it yourself!”

Silence.

Yup. That’s the director I know.

After getting his measurements and shoe size, the seamstress turned her focus to Hu Tao, asking more detailed questions: preferred base colors, embroidery designs, accessories, and so on.

Jiang Bai may have been the one wearing the clothes, but it was crystal clear who was footing the bill.

He quietly chimed in with a personal request.

“I’d like to hang these two items at my waist. Can you design it so they look good and don’t get in the way?”

If they were going to make him look good, they might as well go all the way.

Who didn’t want to look sharp and stylish?

The seamstress gave him a look, weighed the items in her hand, and made a note.

“In that case, I’ll design a belt. Should be convenient to access too.”

Jiang Bai had no objections.

“Can the clothes and shoes be ready by tomorrow?” Hu Tao asked.

“With such a large order and so many specifics, the designs alone will take time. No way we can finish everything in just a day…” The seamstress looked troubled.

Hu Tao pulled out a fat stack of Mora and placed it on the counter.

“Here’s the deal—get the two seasonal sets done first. I’ll come by around this time tomorrow to pick them up. The rest can wait.”

Jiang Bai stared longingly at the pile of Mora.

When will my wallet ever look like that…?

The seamstress wanted to say it still wasn’t enough time—but in the face of that glorious mountain of gold, she swallowed her words.

Worst case, she’d just get the embroiderers to pull an all-nighter.

After placing a deposit, Hu Tao led Jiang Bai out of the tailor shop and ducked into another store.

When Jiang Bai realized it was a flag shop, he was completely baffled.

“Director, what are we buying now?”

Maybe the funeral parlor’s flags are old and need replacing?

“No, we’re getting the most important thing of all!” Hu Tao replied with a mysterious smile.

“Boss! I want to commission a soul-guiding banner. Black, lightweight—needs to be wearable like a backpack or plantable into the ground. It should say Wangsheng Funeral Parlor in bold letters, easy to read from a distance…”

Jiang Bai’s jaw dropped again.

He hadn’t been this stunned in ages—not even after waking up in this timeline.

Hu Tao was full of surprises.

Judging by her tone, she definitely planned on making him carry that thing everywhere. A walking advertisement!

Jiang Bai imagined himself lugging around a giant banner as he roamed the streets… and instinctively covered his face.

Gotta admit—Hu Tao’s business instincts were top tier. Who else could come up with something like this?

Good thing he had thick skin. Anyone else might’ve crumbled.

The shopkeeper was clearly an old acquaintance of Hu Tao’s. He didn’t even bat an eye at her order and just nodded. “Got it. Come pick it up tomorrow.”

Once they left, Jiang Bai asked again, “Director, are we done shopping now?”

“Of course not! But the rest isn’t for you.”

The moment he heard it wasn’t for him, Jiang Bai relaxed.

He’d been seriously worried she’d buy him a giant loudspeaker to blast funeral parlor ads on loop.

Even his thick skin wouldn’t survive that.

Hu Tao had no idea what he was thinking—if she did, she might just compliment his marketing genius and actually get him one.

With another grand wave of her hand, Hu Tao took him to a printing shop.

Now that they were launching their new service, the most important thing was publicity. How else would people know what they offered?

So it was time to print flyers!

“We’re gonna print a few hundred—no, a thousand flyers. Tomorrow, we put you in your new outfit, strap on the banner, and head out with flyers in hand to start our big promotion!”

Hu Tao spoke like she was already watching their business flourish.

“No problem! I’ll make sure all of Liyue Harbor knows about our new service!” her loyal sidekick Jiang Bai replied instantly.

He wasn’t that eager to do it, but Director had already given him so much—how could he say no?

As long as the Mora was flowing, forget flyers—

He’d deliver them straight to the Liyue Qixing if she asked!

—

This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!