Hu Tao crossed her arms over her chest and looked down at Jiang Bai, still fast asleep in his coffin. A second later, she turned to Qiqi and—true to form—started pitching Wangsheng Funeral Parlor’s services again.
“So? Want to order a coffin and give it a try? I promise it’ll be a totally different experience!”
“No, no…” Qiqi waved her hands frantically as she backed away, hiding behind a large rock.
She was on the verge of a full-blown PTSD episode.
Yep. Definitely not someone I can get along with.
“…Alright, alright…” Hu Tao relented with a touch of disappointment.
She didn’t want to scare Qiqi too badly and risk her running off.
Such a prime potential client… what a waste.
With her sales pitch shut down, Hu Tao turned her attention to waking Jiang Bai.
“Rise and shine, rise and shine! If you don’t get up, the hilichurls are gonna come smack you!”
She had somehow acquired a feather from who knows where and used it to lift the blanket covering his face. With slow, teasing motions, she twirled the feather under his nose, occasionally giving it a light tickle.
In his sleep, Jiang Bai’s nose twitched. Then he sneezed.
Seeing that even that wasn’t enough to wake him, Hu Tao braced herself on the coffin’s edge, leaned in close, and whispered in a ghostly voice:
“If you don’t get up… the black-and-white wardens of the underworld will come to claim your soul~”
Jiang Bai desperately wanted to cover his ears, but Hu Tao’s voice pierced right through him like a spell, dragging him forcefully from his dreams.
He opened his eyes—and was immediately greeted by Hu Tao’s upside-down face, looming directly above his own.
Except this time, her face was very close, wearing a mischievous grin.
Startled, Jiang Bai jerked back, pulling the blanket up over himself like a bashful bride trying to escape. He scrambled to put some distance between him and that face.
Unfortunately, coffins weren’t exactly spacious.
He couldn’t retreat far.
They were so close he could feel her breath.
His heart began to race—unnaturally fast for someone who usually had an abnormally low heart rate.
Oh Archons—she’s gonna give me a heart attack!
“D-D-D-Di—Director… y-you scared the life outta me…” Jiang Bai stammered, clutching the blanket tighter.
You wake up to find your boss staring you down from inches away—who wouldn’t freak out!?
Weak, pitiful, helpless.JPG
“Pfft—hahahahahahaha! Gotcha at last!” Hu Tao straightened up with hands on her hips, bursting into triumphant laughter.
She had finally succeeded in scaring Jiang Bai!
A little ghost emerged from her body, mimicking her pose and laughing just as proudly.
Jiang Bai: (눈_눈;)
Maybe I should start building my coffins fully sealed next time…
He seriously considered it—then dropped the idea.
Not that I want to see Hu Tao’s giant face in the morning. I’m just scared that if she can’t open the lid, she’ll switch to using a sledgehammer!
He pouted, then sat up in the coffin with a big yawn.
With all that racket, any lingering sleepiness was gone.
And there was no way he was going to blame Hu Tao for disturbing his rest.
The sky is vast, the earth is wide—but the Director rules over all!
—Survival Rule #1 for Lackeys.
“Director, what time is it?”
Hu Tao waved a hand dramatically. “It’s not early anymore. Get up, eat breakfast, then get to work.”
“…Alright.” Jiang Bai knew there was no escaping the day’s labor. No point dragging it out—better to finish early and get home sooner.
After calming his still-racing heart, he crawled out of the coffin and pulled out the bedding. The coffin, shaped by Geo energy, disintegrated into shimmering particles and vanished.
Hu Tao stashed the bedding into her ring and pulled out a few meat pies.
After a quick wash, they reheated the pies over the campfire and washed them down with warm water for a simple breakfast.
The three split up, each heading in a different direction to break the amber seals.
If the mountain were shaped like a cone, then Hu Tao and Qiqi each took one half of the slope, while Jiang Bai was assigned the entire other side.
He had no complaints about the arrangement.
After all, Hu Tao had been ready to dump everything on him yesterday. Today’s setup was already an improvement.
Stuffing a few meat pies into his pack, Jiang Bai set off in search of amber to shatter.
The amber wasn’t too scarce nor too abundant. Every so often, a large crystal would stand by the roadside—easy enough to spot.
Jiang Bai rapped his knuckles against one.
It sounded like glass.
He tried punching it. With a sharp crack, fissures spread across the amber, but it didn’t shatter.
He now had a better sense of how durable this stuff was.
That punch had only used a third of his strength—but even that was considerable.
This amber was tougher than expected.
Of course, he couldn’t just punch his way through all of them. At that rate, he’d run out of energy long before the job was done.
“Reason Prevails” materialized in his hand. With two solid swings—bam, bam—the amber fractured and shattered.
A butterfly fluttered free, its wings gleaming gold in the light as it slowly took flight.
Jiang Bai was stunned. The butterfly was absolutely stunning, golden from wingtip to antenna, with wings as thin as cicada shells. As it flapped, it scattered glowing golden particles.
I smell Mora.
Such a beautiful butterfly—if he could sell it, it had to be worth a lot, right?
With a quick spring and reach, he caught it in one hand.
But just as he did, the wings disintegrated into golden motes. What remained in his palm was a gem-like object—the butterfly’s core.
Jiang Bai stared at it, dazed.
Creatures in this world really are something else…
He shrugged and pocketed the gemstone.
It wasn’t as pretty as the butterfly, but maybe it was still worth something?
One after another, the amber crystals shattered under his strikes.
Jiang Bai had his rhythm down to a science—two swings per amber, no more, no less, and every one broke cleanly.
Some of them held people. Others—more often—held butterflies, squirrels, wild boars, or hilichurls…
If he freed a person, he’d tell them to thank the adeptus and be on their way. If it was a monster, he’d exorcise it on the spot. Any wild boar that tried to charge its rescuer met a swift and immediate end.
Some people had been trapped for a week. Others, a month. A few—a whole half-year.
Yet none of them had deteriorated into corpses. They looked just as they had when they were sealed.
Were they conscious the whole time?
If so, that was terrifying.
Humans are social creatures. Left alone in isolation and darkness for too long, anyone would lose their mind in less than three days.
Thankfully, most of them only seemed a little dazed when released. Their instincts and memory were still intact.
Probably meant they weren’t conscious for long.
Jiang Bai’s progress was fast—and Hu Tao wasn’t far behind.
—
This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!
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