Hu Tao Is Monetizing My Existence. [14]

Jiang Bai leaned on his hoe, silently watching Hu Tao as she scrubbed the statue and muttered to it.

Logically speaking, a god shouldn’t be able to feel through their statues—otherwise, if someone with ill intent came along to desecrate it, wouldn’t that be absolutely disgusting for them? Not to mention, these statues were exposed to the elements year-round…

Shaking his head, he swung his hoe and uprooted the overgrown weeds, then used a pair of shears to trim some of the small shrubs.

By the time Hu Tao finished wiping down the statue, she turned around—only to be shocked by the sight of the surrounding shrubbery.

Triangles, squares, pentagons, hexagons… and a bunch of other bizarre shapes she didn’t even have the energy to count.

Even with her endless imagination, she found herself momentarily speechless. Her little ghost peeked out from her body, covering its eyes as if it couldn’t bear to look.

Absolutely not. There was no way she’d ever let this guy trim the plants at Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. She didn’t want to see a bunch of weirdly shaped bushes every time she walked in.

Hopefully, the Lord of Geo won’t find this an eyesore… she prayed silently.

Resisting the urge to torch the strangely shaped shrubs, she settled for burning away the fallen leaves instead.

Jiang Bai watched the flames spread, but at the same time, he couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was watching them. He turned his head abruptly—but saw nothing.

Not far away, a figure in teal robes, gripping a long spear, stood observing the chaotic mess of bushes.

The corners of Xiao’s mouth twitched.

He had been passing by after eliminating some monsters when he noticed activity at the statue. Initially pleased to see mortals tending to the shrine, he had stopped to watch for a moment.

And then…

I should not have stopped.

Still, the human boy’s perception was sharp—he had actually sensed Xiao’s gaze.

Xiao lingered on Jiang Bai for a few moments longer before vanishing from sight.

—

Unaware of the Yaksha’s brief presence, Hu Tao glanced at the sky and then spread a cloth over the steps in front of the statue. She pulled out a small incense burner from who-knows-where, placed three incense sticks inside, and arranged the meat pies they had brought before the burner.

“Lord of Geo, we brought some food for you. Please, have some first.”

After bowing three times, she finally picked up a meat pie and handed one to Jiang Bai.

“Why didn’t we offer incense before coming up here?” Jiang Bai asked, staring at her ritual with some confusion.

“Because this place was a mess! We had to clean it up first, obviously.”

Seated on the stone steps, Hu Tao took a bite of her pie before elaborating:

“Before coming up, we let the Lord of Geo know we were visiting. But since we’re eating, we can’t just eat alone—it’s only proper to offer some to the Lord first as a sign of respect. As for the incense, well… I do happen to carry a burner around with me.”

The Lord of Geo valued tradition, but he had no strict rules when it came to his followers offering prayers.

Nor would he grant wishes on a whim.

Jiang Bai: “…”

You talk too much, but… fair enough.

“As I was clearing weeds earlier, I noticed some abandoned structures over there.” Jiang Bai took a bite of his pie and brought up what he had seen.

“Those were built a long time ago. They’ve turned into ruins over the years.”

After a pause, Hu Tao added, “You shouldn’t go exploring ruins on a whim. Even if there is something valuable left behind, treasure hoarders have probably already taken notice. Plus, ruins often have Ruin Guards—those things attack anyone who gets too close. Without a Vision, it’s incredibly dangerous.”

“Treasure Hoarders? Ruin Guards?” Jiang Bai echoed, hearing the terms for the first time.

“The Treasure Hoarders are a loosely organized group of thieves who search for treasure. They show up in ruins and remote areas all the time. As for Ruin Guards… no one really knows where they came from. One day, they just started appearing in ruins.”

“They weren’t there from the start?” Jiang Bai was surprised. He had assumed they were ancient automatons tied to the ruins themselves.

If they had suddenly started showing up, then their origins were rather intriguing.

Hu Tao, seeing his curiosity, warned, “It’s fine to be curious, but only if you have the strength to back it up. If you go searching for answers and end up as a monster’s next meal, what’s the point?”

“Ruins may or may not have treasure, but they’re definitely filled with dangerous creatures.”

“I get it.”

Jiang Bai was merely curious—he had no intention of diving into ruins just yet.

Maybe someday, when he had the ability to handle whatever was inside.

…

After lunch, Hu Tao reached into her pocket like a magician and pulled out two contracts, a writing brush, and a red ink pad.

Handing them to Jiang Bai, she grinned. “Under the Lord of Geo’s witness, once you sign this contract, you’ll officially be a disciple of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor!”

Jiang Bai’s eye twitched.

So after all this time, I wasn’t even officially part of the parlor yet?

As he read through the contract carefully, Hu Tao explained,

“The Lord of Geo values contracts. Since you’re joining Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, it’s only natural to have one. Otherwise, if you suddenly up and left, or if we kicked you out, neither side would have any guarantee.”

“This is both a contract and a work agreement. If you ever decide to leave, we can dissolve it peacefully through discussion.”

Just as she said, the contract was a standard labor agreement. It even included clear terms for termination if he ever wanted to leave.

More surprisingly, it also detailed a retirement plan—after thirty years of service, employees would receive lifelong support from Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.

Huh. That’s actually pretty generous.

No wonder Hu Tao was always thinking about expanding the business. Supporting employees post-retirement had to put a strain on the parlor’s finances.

“Director Hu, what happens if someone breaks the contract?” Jiang Bai asked curiously.

“Under the Lord of Geo’s watch, once a contract is formed, breaking it means facing the wrath of the rock!'”

Hu Tao stood beneath the statue, backlit by its golden glow, making the declaration seem even more imposing.

Admittedly, it looked quite intimidating.

Jiang Bai had zero intention of finding out what “the wrath of the rock” entailed. He doubted it was anything pleasant.

Seeing no issues with the contract, he signed his name and pressed his fingerprint onto the paper.

The moment he did, he felt something shift.

A faint, indescribable connection formed—one that extended from him to the contract, then from the contract to Hu Tao, and further still, all the way to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor in Liyue Harbor.

So this is the power of contracts…

Simply signing wasn’t just a formality. He could actually feel the contract’s presence, as if it were something real and binding.

Liyue was filled with countless contracts, with new ones forming every moment. And every single one was overseen by a god.

Just how powerful must the Lord of Geo be…?

“Two copies—one for you to keep.”

Hu Tao tucked the signed contract into her pocket and handed the other to Jiang Bai.

Then, she reached into her robes once more, pulled out a scroll, and unfurled it before the statue.

—

T/N: i-i-i-incense burner?

This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!