Hu Tao Is Monetizing My Existence. [9]

As everyone knew, only the dead needed to be buried. But from the way they talked about Qiqi, she sounded like someone who was… alive.

Unless… she was an undead?

The term zombie suddenly popped into Jiang Bai’s mind.

So this Qiqi person was, more likely than not, a zombie.

This world was even stranger than he had imagined—there were actually zombies here.

Jiang Bai marveled at the thought. Compared to that, a talking snake almost seemed normal.

Sensing the tension in the air, he decided to change the subject. “Hasn’t anyone questioned my origins?”

“Of course they have,” Hu Tao said, crossing her arms. “But the Ministry of Civil Affairs looked into it for a few days and couldn’t find any records on you. No one came forward to claim your body, either. So in the end, we at Wangsheng Funeral Parlor had to handle it.”

In the past, Wangsheng Funeral Parlor wasn’t just responsible for conducting funerals.

Jiang Bai nodded. So basically, he had been a buy one, get one free case.

“At first, I was going to have you cremated,” Hu Tao continued. “But after a few days, your body showed no signs of decay, and there weren’t any livor mortis marks either.

“I even had Mister Zhongli take a look, and he advised against cremation. So I decided to bury you instead. To prevent your body from turning into a vengeful spirit, I even prepared all sorts of warding talismans and formations—though, in the end, I didn’t need to use them.”

As she spoke, Hu Tao pulled out a stack of talismans drawn with red cinnabar and waved them in front of Jiang Bai’s face before tucking them back into her pocket.

Baizhu narrowed his eyes. “Director Hu, that’s all very thoughtful of you… but have you considered what would’ve happened if he woke up after being buried?”

“If he was only in a state of suspended animation and you went ahead and sealed him underground, you might’ve actually killed him.”

Jiang Bai noticed that Baizhu didn’t seem to like Hu Tao very much. It was likely due to the natural opposition between Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, which dealt with the dead, and Bubu Pharmacy, which sought to heal the living. That, and the fact that Hu Tao had repeatedly tried to bury Qiqi.

Jiang Bai figured the latter was the real reason.

Hu Tao caught the thinly veiled jab in Baizhu’s words and immediately puffed up in defiance, hands on her hips.

“Do you take me for someone who doesn’t think things through? First of all, he was dead. Second, I did set up a formation inside his coffin—if there was any movement, I would’ve known immediately!”

Jiang Bai had to admit, her precautions were actually quite thorough. She had not only prevented him from being buried alive, but also safeguarded his body from being possessed by spirits if he didn’t wake up.

No wonder she hadn’t been the least bit surprised when he came back to life—she had already prepared for the possibility.

Baizhu was momentarily stunned. After a brief silence, he chose not to press the issue further.

It wasn’t that he had genuinely believed Hu Tao was careless—what bothered him was how casually she had decided to dispose of a life, even one whose status as alive or dead was unclear.

What he wanted to ask was—if she could be so considerate toward an unknown corpse, then why was she so determined to see Qiqi buried?

But he already knew what her answer would be.

To maintain the balance between life and death.

He had heard it from her countless times. No matter how he argued, she remained stubbornly set in her ways.

It would take more than a few words to change her mind.

The conversation soon shifted back to Jiang Bai’s condition.

Even as one of Liyue’s most renowned physicians, Baizhu was at a loss when it came to Jiang Bai’s unique case.

“His body temperature is abnormally low, and there’s a lingering chill inside him that isn’t dissipating. It’s likely a side effect of returning from the dead, though it doesn’t appear to be harming him for now.”

“As for the memory loss, that could also be a consequence of his revival.”

“Beyond that… this situation is beyond my expertise. If I had been there before he revived, perhaps I could’ve examined him more thoroughly. But at this point, there’s not much I can determine in the short term.”

“If he’s willing, he could stay here for further observation.”

“That’s not happening!” Hu Tao rejected the idea immediately. Jiang Bai was her promising recruit—she wasn’t about to let Bubu Pharmacy claim him.

“If even you can’t figure anything out, that just means he’s perfectly fine.”

Jiang Bai also felt that there wasn’t anything particularly wrong with his body.

As for his amnesia… other people might have been desperate to recover their memories, but deep down, he didn’t really feel the urge to do so.

If he had to guess, his past might not have been very pleasant.

Baizhu, being a responsible doctor, still recommended a few places that might help Jiang Bai uncover more about his condition.

“If you truly want to understand what’s going on with your body, you could visit an alchemist in Mondstadt. They specialize in studying non-human phenomena.”

“You could also go to Sumeru—scholars at the Akademiya might be able to research the cause of your abnormalities.”

“Alternatively, you might consider Fontaine. I’ve heard they’ve recently developed a device that uses some kind of light to see inside the human body—its bones and internal structures.”

Jiang Bai listened, looking completely lost.

Mondstadt, Sumeru, Fontaine… What even were these places?

From the way Baizhu spoke, they were likely countries. But Jiang Bai had just learned that the place he was currently in was called Liyue. The existence of other nations was beyond his knowledge until now.

Hu Tao, meanwhile, seemed to be deep in thought as she handed over the payment—her expression pained.

She hadn’t gotten any useful answers, yet Baizhu still charged her this much? Clearly, this was personal revenge!

But this was a necessary expense. Since Jiang Bai had joined Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, he was one of their own now.

Besides, once her Return to Roots business plan took off, she’d make sure Jiang Bai earned back all the money she spent on him—with interest!

Jiang Bai, oblivious to the future exploitation Hu Tao was planning, was still trying to grasp the basics of this world.

Seeing his confusion, Hu Tao gave him a simple rundown.

“This world is called Teyvat. It’s ruled by the Seven Archons. The country we’re in right now is called Liyue, and we worship the Geo Archon, whom we honor as the Rex Lapis.”

“The Geo Archon is also the God of Contracts—he values agreements and trade above all else. That’s why Liyue is so prosperous!”

“In fact, we’re the richest of the seven nations!”

Hands on her hips, Hu Tao beamed with pride.

After all, Liyue had always walked alongside its god. Every year, the Geo Archon would deliver a divine revelation, guiding the nation’s direction.

“Gods?” Jiang Bai’s expression showed his surprise. So this world really had actual gods?

“What do gods look like? Has anyone seen them before?”

“Gods can take many forms~ Who’s to say you didn’t just pass by one earlier without realizing?” Hu Tao teased, her tone playful. Then, noticing Jiang Bai’s curiosity, her eyes twinkled mischievously.

“But if you’re interested, Liyue has plenty of Geo Archon statues scattered across the land. I could take you to see one.”

“Aren’t there any in Liyue Harbor?” Jiang Bai tilted his head. He imagined divine statues to be massive, towering structures, yet he hadn’t spotted anything like that in the city.

“Nope! But every household in Liyue has one~” Hu Tao winked mysteriously, offering no further explanation.

Jiang Bai paused, then nodded slowly.

Ah… he understood now.

—

This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!