Hu Tao Is Monetizing My Existence. [3]

Hu Tao wasn’t fooled by Jiang Bai’s sudden air of loneliness. Instead, she just stared at him in surprise.

“Do you even know what we do? And you still want to follow me? What if we were some shady underground organization that specializes in sending people to the afterlife?”

“I know,” Jiang Bai nodded. “These guys just told me.”

Admittedly, Wangsheng Funeral Parlor did sound a little like a criminal syndicate at first, but given that he’d almost been personally sent to the afterlife by them, Jiang Bai had no illusions about what kind of “business” they actually ran.

Even though he had forgotten many things, common sense still surfaced when he thought about it.

“And you’re still willing to come with us? You’re not superstitious or anything?” Hu Tao tilted her head.

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor didn’t have many employees, and most of them had been working there for years. After all, few people were comfortable with this line of work—most were afraid of dealing with the dead.

Jiang Bai didn’t answer immediately. He gave the question serious thought.

It was clear that how he responded would determine how the girl would treat him.

Would he simply become another ordinary worker at the funeral parlor? Or would she see him as someone worth paying attention to? His answer would decide.

Judging from her mischievous nature, the way she conducted the funeral, and the solemnity in her expression at the time, she clearly had a deep understanding of life and death. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be so carefree in daily life.

But at the same time, she valued rituals—otherwise, she wouldn’t have carried on with the funeral without a moment’s delay, even after a supposed “corpse” suddenly sat up.

Jiang Bai weighed his words carefully. Then, with a calm and composed tone, he said:

“Funerals grant people their final dignity. Why should they be feared? Every person walks their path in life, and when they reach the end, it is people like us who help write the closing chapter. This is an honorable task.”

Hu Tao’s eyes lit up like lanterns.

She was very pleased with Jiang Bai.

Bounding over to the coffin, she gave him a hearty slap on the shoulder and said with the air of an elder, “Not bad! Not bad at all! I like you, kid!”

It was rare to find a young person who truly understood this line of work.

If only everyone in Liyue thought this way, then Wangsheng Funeral Parlor would never have trouble finding business again!

“Jiang Bai, huh? Alright then! From now on, you’re coming with me! I’ll make sure you get the best training!” Hu Tao thumped her chest confidently, making the decision on the spot.

“Much appreciated, Director Hu.”

Jiang Bai’s eyes curved into a smile. Mission accomplished.

Seeing how cooperative and polite he was, Hu Tao waved a hand in satisfaction. She had already decided—she would personally take care of this new recruit and train him into the next rising star of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor!

“Alright, let’s go home! Tomorrow, I’ll take you to Bubu Pharmacy to check on that amnesia of yours—”

“Director Hu, what about the coffin?” One of the pallbearers gestured at the abandoned casket.

Jiang Bai had already climbed out of it and carefully replaced the lid. Now, it sat at the roadside, unattended. Leaving it there would definitely scare any passersby, but burying an empty coffin was pointless.

Hu “Frugal to the Core” Tao answered matter-of-factly, “Of course, we’re bringing it back! That way, when Jiang Bai dies, we won’t even have to order a new one!”

“…”

A drop of cold sweat slid down the pallbearers’ foreheads.

Sure, everyone at Wangsheng Funeral Parlor had a pretty casual attitude toward life and death…

But wasn’t it a bit too soon to be reserving a coffin for Jiang Bai?

“Director Hu, this coffin is for me, right?” Jiang Bai suddenly leaned in close.

“Yep! What, you got a problem with that?” Hu Tao narrowed her eyes at him. “And don’t even think about breaking it! Even if it’s not top-quality wood, it still cost money to make!”

“No, no,” Jiang Bai quickly reassured her. “I just wanted to ask… can I have it in advance?”

Hu Tao arched a brow. “In advance? What for?”

“I think it’d make a great bed. It’s actually pretty comfortable.”

Hu Tao burst out laughing and clapped him on the shoulder.

“Ahaha! Great minds think alike!”

“I realized how comfy coffins were when I was seven! But you can’t sleep in them for too long—if you close the lid, there’s no airflow, and you could suffocate.”

She enthusiastically shared her vast experience in coffin-sleeping.

The pallbearers standing nearby all twitched slightly, their expressions turning odd. Their gazes flickered between Hu Tao and Jiang Bai, and internally, they all gave a moment of silence for the future of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.

One mischievous Director Hu was already exhausting enough…

Now there were two of them.

They all shivered at the thought.

“Oh? Have you ever tried using a coffin for outdoor camping? No need for a tent at all!” Jiang Bai suggested excitedly.

Hu Tao’s eyes sparkled.

“That’s genius! We should test it out sometime! If it works, we could modify coffins into portable sleeping pods! Imagine it—travelers won’t even need tents anymore! And if we solve the size and portability issue… Hehehe, we’re gonna be rich!”

She rubbed her hands together, already envisioning mountains of Mora rolling in.

Not that she was lacking Mora, but… more was always better!

“Director Hu, you’re a genius!”

Jiang Bai praised her sincerely, his admiration growing.

All he did was casually suggest an alternate use for coffins, and in an instant, Hu Tao had already calculated the entire business potential.

Truly a master of her craft!

The pallbearers opened their mouths as if they wanted to say something…

But in the end, they just gave up.

“What are you all standing around for? Pick it up! Let’s go!” Hu Tao shouted, already marching ahead.

With silent resignation, the pallbearers draped a black cloth over the coffin and hoisted it back up.

“Big Hilichurl’s sick, so Small Hilichurl calls~”

“Three Hilichurls gather, four Hilichurls brawl~”

Hu Tao cheerfully sang one of her made-up songs as she led the way down the mountain. Jiang Bai followed behind her, while the rest trailed after, lugging an entire empty coffin as they went.

Since Hu Tao was leading, and the coffin was covered, the few people they passed only gave them a couple of curious glances but didn’t make a fuss.

Jiang Bai walked along, his gaze flitting left and right, taking in everything with fascination.

Before long, a magnificent city unfolded before him.

Surrounded by towering mountains, the city stretched out beside a vast sea. A river ran alongside it, its rushing waters flowing steadily into the ocean.

Even from a distance, the sounds of life reached his ears—vendors calling out their wares, children laughing, cats meowing, dogs barking, the creak of cart wheels rolling across the streets.

And within the city itself, towering pavilions and elegant buildings stood side by side, adorned with intricate carvings and rich colors. The streets were wide and well-paved, bustling with people, their faces filled with ease and contentment.

Jiang Bai stood on a rocky outcrop, gazing down at the grand city below. His eyes reflected pure astonishment.

Noticing his reaction, Hu Tao grinned proudly.

“This is Liyue Harbor! Pretty amazing, huh?”

For any Liyuean, their city was something to be proud of.

“It really is.”

Jiang Bai had to admit—his first impression of this place was very good.

Between sleeping in a coffin under the stars and basking in the lively atmosphere of the city…

The choice was obvious.

—

This is a fan translation of 胡桃拿我冲业绩 by 余溯. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!