I, Goldie, Am Going to Be a Foolish King! [22]

King Gilgamesh delivered a great speech with matchless spirit—“May the glory of Uruk endure forever.” His words were brief yet refined, capturing with exceptional force the misery that would follow if Kish’s army breached the city. Everyone present was moved to righteous indignation and knelt on one knee to swear loyalty. The king laughed with joy and said, “This king will lead the charge.” He then released the aura that symbolized his mighty strength, raising Uruk’s morale to even greater heights! Every citizen of Uruk was moved to tears of gratitude toward the king. Who among them would not dare die in his service?

…

“…This king will lead the charge?”

Gilgamesh was dumbfounded.

What am I supposed to charge with, a hammer? How thick would my skull have to be? Maybe I should find somewhere to hide for a while. Saying something and then not doing it is exactly the kind of thing a foolish king should do, right?

“Ow!”

A woman’s voice suddenly came from beneath Gilgamesh’s bed.

“An assassin? You dare creep beneath this king’s bed?”

Gilgamesh reached for the great axe beside him. Why was there an assassin?

That voice sounded a little familiar. Gilgamesh stood on the bed and thought carefully, but his eyes never left the space in front of it. The moment the assassin poked her head out, he was ready to enlighten her.

“Where did I dig to?”

The woman’s voice came again.

That does sound familiar. Dig to? Don’t tell me the nobles think they can’t beat this king head-on, so they tried to dig a tunnel and assassinate me in my sleep?

At that thought, Gilgamesh felt as if, despite the blazing heat, his hands and feet had gone cold. Could a foolish king not catch a break?

“Mr. Goldie’s presence is really strong here. I should be close to him now, right? I’ll just try a little harder.”

Mr. Goldie?

A flash of insight struck Gilgamesh. So it was—

Crack!

The bed boards split apart with a sharp crack. Gilgamesh, who had been standing on them, suddenly lost his footing and fell. The scythe, however, did not slow down at all, slicing straight between Mr. Goldie’s legs.

“Ereshkigal, halt!”

The scythe dissolved into particles of spiritual energy. Mr. Goldie’s little brother was saved.

But Gilgamesh’s face was still covered in cold sweat.

“Ereshkigal… wield whatever authority you please, but retire that antiquated farming tool at once.”

Eresh laughed awkwardly. She had not expected to dig straight beneath Gilgamesh’s bed.

“Mr. Goldie, I… I’m a god of death, you know. If I don’t use a scythe, what should I use?”

Gilgamesh sat on the floor, looking like he had just survived a disaster.

“Hmph. You truly know nothing of the ways of the future. In the age to come, gods of death use notebooks.”

Then Gilgamesh told Eresh a story about a highly intelligent person who punished evil with a god of death’s notebook—a notebook that killed anyone whose name and cause of death were written inside.

After he finished, he found Eresh staring at him with a face full of worship. Gilgamesh had no idea why.

That highly intelligent person must be Mr. Goldie himself. I’m a goddess, and yet there are still things I haven’t heard of. Mr. Goldie truly is an outstanding man.

So thought Eresh-chan, whose intelligence might or might not be high under normal circumstances, but was definitely not high when in love.

“Now then, Ereshkigal. What business brings the mistress of the Underworld beneath this king’s bed?”

Gilgamesh finally remembered to ask. He looked at the hole beneath his bed, filled with the aura of the Underworld, where a ghost or two drifted past every now and then.

Come to think of it, someone on a clay tablet recently said they saw a ghost.

Case closed, Gilgamesh thought.

Eresh rubbed her hands together and turned her head away, a little embarrassed. “The Underworld is too small, so I thought I’d expand it a little. Otherwise, there won’t be enough room. I don’t know how I ended up digging to Uruk. It’s not like I specially dug a passage here because I wanted to see Mr. Goldie or anything.”

No, seriously, is your intelligence negative when you’re in love?

Wait!

A flash of inspiration struck Gilgamesh, and he looked at Eresh-chan with a burning gaze.

It made her heart pound wildly.

What is Mr. Goldie planning to do…? If he wants to do that… should I refuse? We haven’t known each other for very long, after all. But I already refused last time, and if I refuse again this time, would that be bad? Ahhh, Mr. Goldie, don’t look at me like that. At least give a girl some time.

Eresh-chan shyly covered her face.

Gilgamesh had realized the truth. Was there anywhere better to hide than the Underworld?

“Ereshkigal.”

Gilgamesh’s expression turned solemn.

“Grant this king the honor of entering your realm. Tonight, I shall dine in the Underworld as your guest.”

“There’s nothing good to eat in the Underworld… N-No, no, Mr. Goldie didn’t hear anything just now… I mean, if Mr. Goldie asks, then of course you may.”

Eresh-chan had already become completely incoherent.

And so, Gilgamesh went with Eresh to take refuge in the Underworld.

Little Di, who had witnessed everything, burned with fury in his eyes and roared, “The Goddess of the Underworld has gone too far! She actually abducted King Gilgamesh by force!”

He wrote on the clay tablet:

Two days before Kish’s great army arrived, the Goddess of the Underworld, shamed into anger by her previous defeat at King Gilgamesh’s hands, made her move at this very moment and brought King Gilgamesh into the Underworld, creating an opportunity for Kish’s army. King Gilgamesh felt not the slightest fear. In the Underworld, he waged a great battle to save Uruk!

…

Then he went out to inform Siduri, only to be told there was no need to panic, and that the news must not be spread. They had to trust the king.

Little Di thought about it seriously. “I was wrong. I should trust the king. But I can’t just do nothing either. High Priestess Siduri, please help me fill in all the holes the Goddess of the Underworld dug into Uruk!”

Siduri also felt this was necessary. If the enemy used the Underworld passages to bypass the walls and attack Uruk directly, that would be terrible.

So she instructed Little Di, “Go find Lily and have them search the Underworld passages. I’ll gather a few more priestesses and seal those passages.”

Little Di answered at once and immediately left.

…

At this moment, Gilgamesh and Eresh were in the Underworld, flirting sweetly and enjoying themselves in perfect comfort.

At this moment, Ishtar was riding the Boat of Heaven Maanna over, intending to tell Gilgamesh about the Chains of Heaven.

At this moment, the gods, having learned that Eresh had forcibly dragged Gilgamesh into the Underworld, were deeply gratified and impressed. They believed that, although she could not defeat him, her perseverance in causing him trouble was worthy of praise.

At this moment, Kish’s great army officially set out and would arrive at Uruk in two days.

At this moment, Uruk’s army, made up of nobles, commoners, and former slaves, was outside the city, arranging minefields, mine-throwers modified from catapults, burning oil, rolling logs, stones, and other defensive equipment according to King Gilgamesh’s orders.

Battle was on the verge of breaking out.

T/N: Sobbing

This is a fan translation of 我金闪闪要当昏君 by 五色猫 Rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!