I, Goldie, Am Going to Be a Foolish King! [12]

Cute little Eresh-chan was strolling through the streets of Uruk, enjoying the inexplicable vacation she had inexplicably been granted from the Underworld while carrying out the equally inexplicable mission of attempting to assassinate Gilgamesh. Never mind why she had to assassinate Gilgamesh, the Wedge of Heaven. The fact that they had specifically emphasized the word “attempting” was enough to make Eresh-chan panic inside.

Even so, Eresh-chan had still left the lifeless Underworld and breathed in the unique air of the earth.

At last, I can walk upon the earth too.

Eresh-chan thought this with no small amount of grievance, but she quickly cheered herself up.

Come on, Eresh-chan! You’ve worked so seriously and responsibly all these years! You’ll definitely complete this mission perfectly too. Mm… First, I should give this mission a name. Let’s call it—“Eresh’s Bizarre Adventure”!

She wandered into Uruk, admiring the city’s prosperity and the strangeness of humans, and felt truly happy from the bottom of her heart for this world so full of human life.

Mm, what is Gilgamesh doing right now? How am I supposed to find him?

She placed her index finger beside her lips, looking adorably confused. Unfortunately, there was no one there to appreciate it.

…

At that very moment, inside the palace, a tragedy against human decency was unfolding. A deeply indecent, half-naked young man with golden hair, gemlike eyes, and a powerful body was relentlessly chasing after a young priestess-like girl wearing a purple veil.

“Siduri! Halt at once! Do not make this king repeat himself!”

Yes, this was our humanity’s oldest King of Heroes (pervert).

Gilgamesh was very pleased with himself. After thinking it over from every angle, he had finally come up with a way to clarify that there was absolutely nothing between him and Ishtar, and that Gilgamesh even wanted to hack her to death—find someone to marry.

After thinking it over, Siduri was the most suitable candidate.

And so Gilgamesh ordered craftsmen to carve a ring, set it with gemstones, and make it into [Humanity’s Oldest Wedding Ring] in preparation for a proposal. But Siduri was unwilling! She could date Gilgamesh, and she could even marry him, but absolutely not as some kind of shield. Anyone would refuse that.

So Siduri sternly rejected Gilgamesh and very nearly planted her foot in his face.

Would Mr. Goldie still be Mr. Goldie if he gave up that easily?

The sunlight was very warm. In the cloudless sky, the blazing fireball was ringed by a beautiful halo, and the citizens of Uruk all loved this kind of weather—as well as Gilgamesh and Siduri, who for some reason had already chased each other all the way from inside the palace to outside it.

“The king truly is young.”

An old man sighed with feeling.

“Indeed, he is young. To think he would use a forced confession. That method has a very low success rate!”

Another old man sighed along with him.

The two old men looked at each other and realized they were acquaintances.

“So that’s why you knocked my little sister out with a cudgel back then and carried her off before bedding her?”

The first old man picked up a knife.

…

Gilgamesh grew tired again. He glanced at Siduri, who was running faster and faster without the slightest intention of stopping, and temporarily gave up the chase.

As expected, I should just find someone else at random.

Gilgamesh sighed at the thought. But because the rumors said he liked the goddess Ishtar, and because the goddess Ishtar’s attitude toward him was ambiguous and she had yet to respond, and because even after he smashed her temple, no divine punishment had descended, not a single young woman in all of Uruk—or even all of Mesopotamia—dared risk offending Ishtar.

“Why? Why does not one of them dare?!”

Gilgamesh lowered his head and walked quickly, and by accident, his head bumped into something soft.

Gilgamesh flew into a rage. He was clearly positioned as a foolish king, so why could just anyone stop him?

“Who dares bar my path?”

He raised his head and saw a girl with the same golden hair and red eyes as him looking at him curiously.

The girl was the first to ask, “Are you… all right?”

She’s a kind girl. I’m the one who bumped into her, but she apologized first. There’s no respect or fear for me in her eyes, which means she either doesn’t know me or doesn’t care about me at all. She’s pretty, and her figure is good. It’s decided. The higher-ups have decided you will become the Queen of Uruk.

Gilgamesh smiled gently. “Forgive me. My thoughts had wandered, and I failed to see what stood before me. Are you unharmed? If anywhere pains you, you may speak. This king—no, I shall see to it personally. No, cross that out.”

There was no way he could say that last sentence aloud, although he very much did want to do it directly.

The girl’s face turned red, probably because she had finally realized where he had bumped into her. Speaking of which, this slow-to-notice-it-until-now quality in a girl really did hit Mr. Goldie’s sweet spot. Not bad.

“I’m fine…” the girl said timidly.

Gilgamesh took a step forward, moving a little closer to her. “From your bearing, you are not of Uruk. Speak, then. What business brings you to my—this city? I know Uruk better than any other. If you have need of guidance, I shall permit you to ask.”

The girl’s eyes suddenly lit up. “Really? That’s wonderful! I’m here to find someone. A man.”

By contrast, Gilgamesh’s eyes went dead. “I see. Then leave by that road and turn left.”

“Eh, eh, eh! Wait! You said you would help me find Gilgamesh!” The girl stopped him.

She’s looking for me? What for? I’m just an enthusiastic citizen, Mr. Goldie. I haven’t done anything that would outrage Heaven and man.

Gilgamesh stroked his chin. “Hoh. And what business might you have with our peerless, radiant, righteous, handsome, magnanimous, noble, flawless, and supreme King of Uruk?”

The girl seemed a little troubled. “I have to kill him.”

Gilgamesh immediately had the urge to turn and run, but he soon calmed himself. She was only a weak girl. Perhaps he could even tie her up and bring her back as a lover.

“Before that, beautiful one, this king would know your name.”

When in doubt, first gather some information.

“Beautiful…? No one has ever called me that before. My name is Ereshkigal.”

Eresh-chan smiled, a little embarrassed.

But Gilgamesh was starting to panic. “Ereshkigal… Do you mean to say you are the Goddess of the Underworld?”

“Yes…”

I’ve seen a ghost. No, I’ve seen the ghost of ghosts. Why has Eresh-chan come to kill me? I clearly treat her as my wife!

Mr. Goldie felt somewhat indignant.

“Right, what is your name?”

Eresh-chan seemed to remember something and sized Gilgamesh up.

“Goldie. I am called Goldie. You may address me as Mr. Goldie. It is somewhat forward, but may I call you Eresh-chan?”

Mr. Goldie’s face was expressionless.

“Mr… Mr. Goldie… Eresh-chan or whatever, how can you address a girl so intimately the very first time you meet her? Uwaaaaah!”

Eresh-chan covered her face with both hands and ran helplessly away.

Just as Gilgamesh was feeling grateful that he had escaped with his life, he suddenly felt a chill run down his back. He turned around and saw a crowd of Urukans holding tools, carrying children, and clutching staffs, all looking at him with admiration.

“As expected of the king. He won over both the Goddess of Venus and the Goddess of the Underworld!”

“As expected of Gilgamesh. He did with ease what we could never do!”

I’m not… I didn’t… Don’t talk nonsense.

Mr. Goldie broke down.

T/N: eresh channnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

This is a fan translation of 我金闪闪要当昏君 by 五色猫 Rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!