I, Goldie, Am Going to Be a Foolish King! [21]

Shaken by the spy incident, Mr. Goldie now looked as if he couldn’t trust a single thing, his heart deeply unsettled.

Goddammit, why? Don’t tell me this Hell difficulty means the difficulty of me becoming a foolish king is Hell?

He found himself cursing without thinking. His system did not even come with a pretty assistant or anything. It simply told him to act foolish, then gave him Foolishness Points for lottery draws. But from the look of things now, maybe it was not the enemy he faced that had been set to Hell. Maybe it was the difficulty of becoming a foolish king. No—maybe not even that. Maybe both the enemies and his odds of becoming a foolish king were set to Hell.

At that thought, Mr. Goldie’s heart went cold.

Don’t tell me my ending is going to be getting beaten to death by the enemy without enjoying a single thing first?

Gilgamesh shook his head and began carefully considering the current situation. Kish’s great army was about to attack. The gunpowder he had made should be enough to deal with them. Probably… But judging by the timing, Enkidu should be about to appear soon too, right? And he did not have the original Gilgamesh’s Sha Naqba Imuru: The Omniscient Omnipotent Star, Gate of Babylon, or Ea. What was he supposed to use against Enkidu, his head?

No, wait. In that case, Enkidu is Enkidu—the Chains of Heaven, created by the gods to admonish me. If I let him speak of the gods’ displeasure with my foolishness and incompetence, and let him say it in public, then stage a scene where Gilgamesh either flies into shameful rage or proves too weak and useless to fight back, the nobles’ impression that I’m incredibly powerful will be gone. They’re definitely resentful that I took away their slaves. Kish’s army attacking has only drawn their attention for now. Once it’s over, a me without great power will definitely be settled with after the fact. But I’m the Wedge of Heaven, so the Chains of Heaven won’t just watch me get into trouble. At most, the nobles will only be able to spread my evil reputation.

“Hah. The board is already in this king’s hand.”

Gilgamesh smiled in delight.

But the main contradiction is that my reputation is still good right now, so I need an evil reputation. Let me think. When Kish’s army arrives and gets blown up by gunpowder, there’ll definitely be a lot of wounded and crippled soldiers. If I gather those injured men at Uruk’s gates and put them on public display, that’ll definitely earn me a reputation for cruelty. That should be enough.

Gilgamesh was brimming with confidence. All that was left was for Kish’s army to arrive, and his plan could be put into action.

“Siduri.”

Gilgamesh lifted his chin.

“Proclaim it to every soul within Uruk. Tonight, this king shall hold a banquet before the palace. Rank and station are irrelevant. Those this king freed from bondage may attend as well. Prepare the feast at the highest standard. Since it is held in this king’s name, mediocrity will not be tolerated.”

That should count as reckless extravagance, right? Building the walls already cost quite a bit, though the completed walls really do give a sense of safety. The slaves have been settled too.

Mr. Goldie rubbed his chin.

Siduri, who had been just about to suggest the same thing, smiled.

As expected of my king. I had planned to suggest holding a banquet before the battle to raise morale, but to think my king had already thought of it himself. Truly, my king’s wisdom is unmatched.

At that same moment, the gods in the distant heavens were also filled with confidence as they watched the incomparably powerful Chains of Heaven, gathered from their divine power, about to be born.

The god Enki smiled in satisfaction, his face full of wholesome confidence, and could not help saying, “Gilgamesh’s hour of reckoning has come.”

…

That night, at the banquet, Gilgamesh carried wine from table to table, drinking with everyone without putting on the airs of a king.

He had already made up his mind. This time, he was here to create class conflict. The worse his relationship with the nobles became, the more certain he could be that word of his Foolishness Points would spread.

As for winning over the other social classes, that was not worth mentioning at all. At this time, most nobles were temple clergy. Their actions could practically be called the will of the gods. Commoners generally trusted what they said. He had only one mouth, and he did not intend to explain himself anyway.

First, he went to the nobles’ tables. Gilgamesh ate and drank with them, treating them as equals, which made the nobles sigh that the king truly knew how to honor the worthy and humble himself before his subordinates.

When he reached the knights’ tables, Gilgamesh did the same thing he had done with the nobles and received praise from both nobles and knights alike.

But when he walked over to the commoners’ tables, the nobles frowned slightly.

Seeing Gilgamesh treat the commoners as equals too, the nobles’ expressions became rather unpleasant.

Doesn’t that imply our status is the same as commoners?

The same thought flashed through all their minds. Knights were one thing, but commoners…

“The king is rallying them before battle!”

One noble suddenly spoke up, smoothing things over.

The other nobles thought about it and found it reasonable. There was no downside to doing this. When the time came, they would not have to go onto the battlefield anyway.

So they all echoed him. “Indeed, indeed. The king truly is approachable.”

The banquet returned to its joyous mood.

In the distance, Gilgamesh kept eating and drinking, while not forgetting to use Clairvoyance to see what the nobles were doing. His hearing was excellent too, so it was practically like watching a livestream.

When he saw that the nobles had returned to normal, Gilgamesh could not help feeling annoyed.

How are these people so good at comforting themselves?

By then, he was already drunk, but drunk people never knew they were drunk.

Gilgamesh decided to add more fuel to the fire.

He walked over to the former slaves’ tables and sat with them, eating, drinking, laughing, and chatting.

The commoners were still fine, but the nobles’ expressions turned even uglier.

Mr. Goldie suddenly stood up and declared in a loud voice, “People of Uruk! Raise your heads and listen!”

His face was flushed, and he was clearly drunk.

“In three days, the host of Kish will stand before our walls. Tell me, people of my city—do you fear them?”

Everyone fell silent.

“At the very least, this king does.”

Gilgamesh said those words without the slightest shame.

Seeing Gilgamesh this drunk, Siduri moved to support him back to the palace.

“But!”

Gilgamesh shook off Siduri’s support.

“Fear is not shameful. Only those too blind to see danger, or too cowardly to face it, would call themselves fearless.”

He swept his gaze across the banquet.

“Behind this king stand the people of Uruk. Your wives. Your children. The parents who raised you, the homes you built, the lives you have entrusted to these walls. And Kish’s king is a brute who knows only plunder. Ask any traveler. Ask any survivor. Of the cities Kish has trampled underfoot these past years, which was not burned? Which was not looted? Whose women and daughters were not dragged away as spoils?”

His voice grew sharper.

“So yes, this king knows fear. And still, this king will go forth. Because behind me stands Uruk. Because the glory of this city is mine to guard. Because I am Gilgamesh, King of Uruk!”

“In three days, this king shall stand at the front.”

After delivering his speech to his heart’s content, Gilgamesh looked at the nobles and added one more sentence.

“And naturally, the nobles who feast on Uruk’s bounty shall take the field as well. You did not think glory could be claimed from the rear, did you?”

Silence.

After a long silence, the first person stepped forward. Gilgamesh recognized him. It was Ahad, whom he had met in the farmland. He knelt on one knee.

“I am willing to die for my king.”

Then the second person stepped forward. It was Lily, along with her knightly order.

“I am willing to die for my king.”

More and more people knelt to the ground.

“We are willing to die for our king!”

Gilgamesh’s heartbeat grew faster and faster, pounding with a THUMP, THUMP, THUMP. At the sight of everyone kneeling before him, his Conqueror’s Haki unconsciously began to radiate outward.

Everyone felt a wave of pressure settle over them. Then their bodies suddenly lightened, and they heard Gilgamesh’s distinctive laughter.

“Good! Then carve this into your souls!”

Gilgamesh roared.

“Uruk does not fall. Uruk does not bow. So long as this king stands before you, its glory shall endure forever!”

Their hearts surged with fervor as well, and they roared in answer.

“May the glory of Uruk endure forever!”

…

When he woke the next morning, Gilgamesh stared blankly at Little Di, whose adoration looked like it was about to overflow, and at the clay tablet in his hands. He murmured, “What did I do last night?”

T/N: why is drunk bro actually just gilgamesh :sob:

This is a fan translation of 我金闪闪要当昏君 by 五色猫 Rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!