I, Goldie, Am Going to Be a Foolish King! [30]

Getting bored, Humbaba casually flung a lump of mud that pinned Ishtar to a tree, then went back to playing with her little e-scooter.

Ishtar tried to break free, only to find that she actually could not. She clenched her teeth in anger.

I want a powerful pet like this too!

The thought suddenly flashed through Ishtar’s mind.

“Gilgamesh, hurry up and come save me!”

Gilgamesh, who had been sleeping very comfortably inside the mud, heard Ishtar’s cry for help and slept even more soundly.

“Hah… as expected of this king. Even in dreams, I can manifest something so splendid.”

After leaving behind those sleepy words, Gilgamesh made no more sound.

Ishtar was simply left hanging there. The wind blew past. For the body of a god, cold and warmth should not have been necessary concepts, yet at that moment, Ishtar experienced the concept of cold firsthand.

Once it finishes playing with the Boat of Heaven Maanna, it’ll come play with me next, won’t it? Nooooooo! How can this goddess be touched by a beast like that?

Humbaba, the legendary guardian of all the world’s treasures, the guardian divine beast to whom the wealth of the Underworld was sent for safekeeping, was currently joyriding to its heart’s content. Even when it smashed itself into a splatter of mud, it would recover in the next second. Time passed, minute by minute.

An hour later, Gilgamesh woke. His complexion was rosy, though everything before his eyes was still dark, and he could no longer sleep.

And so, they began to communicate.

“Enkidu, Chains of Heaven. Release this king.”

“No… synchronization… not complete.”

“What is required to complete it?”

“Physical contact.”

Gilgamesh’s face darkened.

“Then bind yourself to this king without obstructing his movement.”

Hearing that, Enkidu seemed to think it made sense. He—Enkidu was neither male nor female, but the narration would use he here—turned into lengths of chain and wrapped around Gilgamesh’s body.

Gilgamesh’s face darkened even further.

“Can you not assume another form?”

Enkidu did not respond, as though he were thinking carefully.

Gilgamesh looked at Ishtar and smiled. He smiled brightly, like a great hero.

Seeing Gilgamesh struggling toward her with great difficulty while wrapped in Enkidu’s chains, Ishtar blushed.

Even bound by the Chains of Heaven, he still thinks of me. The moment he heard my cry for help, he rushed over to save me without regard for anything else. Is this what a hero is?

Gilgamesh summoned the axe named Power of the King and felt this one was in the bag.

Of your seven divine tools for defense, only the Boat of Heaven Maanna is left. Part of your divinity has been stripped away, making you childlike, and now you’re bound by the divine beast Humbaba and can’t move.

The axe in his hand shone with light. Gilgamesh laughed brightly and swung it straight down.

His body was suddenly yanked backward.

Not good. He missed.

The mud binding Ishtar had actually been chopped off by him. Hey, that made no sense. Mud that even Ishtar could not break free from was this easy to cut?

Gilgamesh’s expression turned ugly as he put away the axe. After all, if he did not put it away, he would be the one dying in a moment.

He turned to see where the force that had pulled him came from, and caught a glimpse of green hair and a white robe.

“This king has wanted to ask this from the start. Why are you granted white garments the instant you take human form?!”

“This? I changed according to the form your heart desired.”

Enkidu answered calmly.

So that’s it. The Enkidu I recognized in my heart was genderless and beautiful, gentle to all things, the image of the original Gilgamesh’s one and only friend! What a loss. This is such a loss. Otherwise, I could have…

Before his thoughts could go that far, Enkidu looked somewhat surprised.

“You actually think you and I are friends?”

Gilgamesh sighed and decided he had to answer. After all, he could not beat him.

“When you were still a beast, did you not also seek friendship with this king?”

“For some reason, I kept feeling a sense of closeness toward you before. Now that I possess human thought, that sense of closeness has disappeared. Can you explain it to me?” Enkidu answered honestly.

How was he supposed to explain that? Tell him he was an archdruid? He would just have to act his heart out.

“Perhaps because this king loves this land.”

Gilgamesh bent down, scooped up a handful of soil, then gently loosened his grip, letting the earth fall bit by bit from his hand. His gaze grew distant.

Enkidu watched him curiously, not understanding what meaning there was in this. “Is that so? But I have heard that you are a tyrant, a foolish king, and disliked by the gods.”

“Ishtar. Do you favor this king?”

“I do.”

Amazing. This counts as completing one of the major events in the Epic of Gilgamesh, right? Rescuing Ishtar and making her admit she likes me.

Gilgamesh silently looked toward Enkidu.

Enkidu frowned, unsure what to say.

Looks like no one in this era has proposed yet that using a tiny number of individual cases to deny the whole is troll logic.

Gilgamesh smiled and said, “Even if you are a weapon forged by the gods, do not mistake that for a command to obey every divine whim. Know this: gods can err. Gods can quarrel. Gods can act against one another.”

I’m so glad we don’t have to fight…

He was secretly rejoicing when he suddenly heard Enkidu say, “How do you know I am a weapon made by the gods? The gods strictly ordered that this not be told to you. The goddess Ishtar should not have told you, correct?”

Ishtar, who had just said she liked him, decisively shook her head. “Enkidu, you know it wasn’t me. If it were me, I never would have come looking for you together with Gilgamesh.”

Enkidu nodded. That did fit Ishtar’s personality.

Gilgamesh fell silent again.

Incredible. You’re gods. Such a powerful group, and you can’t just go straight in? For the sake of one weapon made by the gods to deal with me, you even strictly ordered secrecy? Embarrassing. Even I feel ashamed on your behalf. Ptui!

No choice. He had to keep acting.

“The land told me.”

Enkidu looked curiously toward the ground, only to see weapons shaped from earth rising one after another from the soil.

Coach, I want to learn this. It saves money, and its power isn’t even inferior to Gate of Babylon. No, wait, this isn’t the time to think about that. Does this guy have the Authority to control the land?

“Every god gave me a blessing. In theory, I can do anything each god can do.”

Gilgamesh stared, dumbfounded.

To deal with one tiny little demigod like me, every god actually took turns blessing Enkidu? Incredible. Let me ask first.

Gilgamesh’s expression turned grave.

“Then can you hear the land’s voice?”

“No.”

“Then the land told me.”

T/N: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

also bro really tried to merk ishtar…………

ALSO ENKIDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

CLAY IS GAY! AND GAY IS LIFE! SO CLAY IS LIFE!

This is a fan translation of 我金闪闪要当昏君 by 五色猫 Rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!