I, Goldie, Am Going to Be a Foolish King! [28]

News always traveled faster than people. Before Gilgamesh had even returned to Uruk, “I Have a Dream” and the rumors surrounding him had already reached the city, making Ishtar burst into loud laughter.

Good thing this goddess guessed right. If I’d guessed wrong, I would’ve lost all dignity. Well done, Gilgamesh.

Ishtar felt not the slightest shame over the fact that her interpretation of Gilgamesh’s story had been nothing but a random guess. Even so, she summoned the Boat of Heaven Maanna and personally went to Kish to bring Gilgamesh back to Uruk. Perhaps even she did not know why she was doing it.

…

Little Di held his clay tablet and began writing with reverence. “As expected of King Gilgamesh!”

The tablet was densely covered in writing, and beside it lay piles of tablets, some already filled and some still blank.

When the great battle between Uruk and Kish was on the verge of victory, King Gilgamesh saw that if Uruk won, the future would only plunge Uruk and Kish into endless war. Thus, with matchless courage and wisdom, the king went alone to Kish, having Ahad and the Goddess of Venus lay the groundwork for slave liberation. He personally directed the slaves in achieving their own salvation, yet restrained them from descending into revolt. He became the new king of Kish, punishing the guilty, rewarding the meritorious, and making reward and punishment clear. Even after the liberation of the slaves, the people of Kish continued to live peaceful lives, and all of Kish gave him their hearts. He utterly conquered Kish alone. For such a great feat, Gilgamesh may be crowned with the title King of Conquerors!

After finishing that side of the clay tablet, Little Di excitedly ran to find Siduri, who praised and affirmed his work.

“Little Di, you’ve done well. I’ll have the bards sing of the title King of Conquerors at once!”

…

“King of Conquerors? What an imposing title. But given Gilgamesh’s age and pace, conquering this land is only a matter of time. If he conquers all the land, what will be left for him to conquer?”

Anu spoke with some helplessness.

The gods looked at one another. With their wisdom, they naturally understood that once Gilgamesh conquered the earth, his next step would surely be to conquer the sky—and the gods.

“Enkidu—the Chains of Heaven—is complete.”

Enki suddenly spoke, breaking the silence.

“This is Enkidu—the Chains of Heaven?”

The gods looked at the figure before them, something like a clay craft that could change form at will.

“Yes. It can freely alter its shape according to the situation. Its entire body is essentially a weapon of the gods. However, it does not yet possess a human-like mind or emotions, and in general, it is no different from a beast of the wilderness.”

Enki answered, but Anu still seemed uneasy.

“We already have the Bull of Heaven as a beastlike weapon. Besides, whether this weapon can deal with Gilgamesh is another matter. That man possesses the wisdom of both gods and humans, while the Chains of Heaven has no wisdom.”

Enki smiled. “My king, we have set the Chains of Heaven so that when it sees the first demigod, it will transform into the form that demigod most desires in his heart. With that setup, as long as we arrange for it to meet Gilgamesh, it will be able to lull Gilgamesh’s guard and strike him with the most effective blow.”

“Good,” Anu praised.

The other gods nodded one after another.

“Gilgamesh, this time your end has truly come!”

…

“A little to the left. Now a little to the right. Yes, yes, there. Hah… not bad. You may continue.”

Gilgamesh lay on the bed, receiving an absolutely superb massage.

Kish is too comfortable. Return to Uruk? Slowly, slowly. What’s the rush? There might be risks once that useless code of laws comes out? I’ll think about that when the time comes…

Mr. Goldie happily enjoyed the Kish-style massage he had yet to experience in Uruk.

“Gil↗ga↘me↑sh↓!”

That voice… Oh no!

Gilgamesh threw on his clothes and was about to flee, only to be hit by a violent collision that made him cough up a mouthful of blood.

“I crashed again. Honestly, I think I hit something just now… Whatever. This goddess absolutely won’t pay compensation!”

Ishtar showed not the slightest embarrassment, and instead curiously examined the golden ripples constantly forming around her.

“Receive this, Ishtar! A twenty-meter-radius Gate of Babylon barrage!”

Gilgamesh’s voice rang out from the rubble, followed by a burst of booming explosions.

“What are you doing, you jerk? Hurry up and stop!”

As expected of humanity’s oldest illegal street racer, Ishtar displayed her superb driving skills in this life-or-death moment, dodging with ease through the weapons fired from Gate of Babylon one after another.

“I came to take you back!”

Take me back? I was living so happily here, and the moment you arrive, not only do you collapse my palace, you even want to drag me back? Today, I’m settling old grudges and new ones together! Ishtar!

Gilgamesh took out the great axe named Power of the King and stopped using Gate of Babylon. That was a waste.

As everyone knew, Mr. Goldie was a frugal man.

“Ishtar. Come here. This king will show you a treasure worthy of your eyes.”

Sure enough, Ishtar, whose mind had grown childish along with her body, obediently drove the Boat of Heaven Maanna closer to Gilgamesh.

Entered effective attack range.

Gilgamesh glanced at the great axe and said with a vicious grin, “It says we may enter.”

…

Half a minute later, Gilgamesh, now heavily injured and being carried aboard the Boat of Heaven Maanna, covered his face and did not dare say a word, looking utterly helpless.

“Gilgamesh, why would you ever think to challenge a goddess to close combat when she can hone her martial skill by taking just the smallest bit of time out of endless years?”

Ishtar sounded a little curious.

Gilgamesh said nothing.

[FOOLISHNESS POINTS]: 140

Ignoring Ishtar’s chatter beside him, Gilgamesh sighed.

These nobles have way too much patience, don’t they? Can’t they just call me a foolish king outright? Keeping it bottled up must be so uncomfortable. Honestly.

[LOTTERY DRAW]

[REWARD]: BEAST AFFINITY

?

Gilgamesh froze. Was his future path that of an archdruid?

What use was this thing? Beast Affinity! He was not going to be called “Beast Senpai” by druids in later generations, was he?

Gilgamesh could not help feeling disgusted. He would never use this skill. Not even if he died. From now on, if he saw a beast, he would walk around it.

This is a fan translation of 我金闪闪要当昏君 by 五色猫 Rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!