I, Goldie, Am Going to Be a Foolish King! [25]

I’m about to hit them. No, I have to do something.

Gilgamesh looked at the Kish army right before his eyes. With Clairvoyance, he could even see the shock on the King of Kish’s face, right down to the pores on his skin. Gritting his teeth, he put away the axe and wrenched the Boat of Heaven Maanna hard to one side. After successfully ramming into three people, the Boat of Heaven Maanna finally completed its drift.

“At this speed, it will not halt—AAAAAAH!”

Gilgamesh became a streak of golden light and shot off in one direction.

This counts as fleeing before the enemy, right? Whether it’s Kish or Uruk, they should all look down on my weakness, incompetence, and foolishness now, right?

“All forces, charge! Capture Gilgamesh alive!”

The King of Kish’s heart surged with excitement as he ordered his army to pursue.

Uruk’s army was just as fired up.

“As expected of the king. He actually sacrificed himself to lure Kish’s army toward the densest part of the minefield.”

Gilgamesh wanted to cry, but no tears came. “What did you say? What lies ahead?”

“Damn it, halt!”

Mr. Goldie really wanted to cry.

“It will not stop! What, am I supposed to ascend into the heavens or something?”

Wait… I actually can fly into the sky, can’t I? The Boat of Heaven Maanna is meant to fly, right?

BOOOM!

Gilgamesh tilted the nose of the craft ninety degrees and shot upward. Then he summoned dozens of shields from Gate of Babylon and stacked them beneath him, but that force…

“This is stronger than TNT! And you call this mere gunpowder?”

Mr. Goldie was blown senseless. The army pursuing him was blown senseless too.

The King of Kish stared at his army, now in tatters, and muttered to himself, “As expected of King Gilgamesh. He risked himself and destroyed my army single-handedly.”

The blast wave swept Gilgamesh back before Uruk’s army. His whole head had turned into an afro, his face was covered in soot, and he spat out a puff of white smoke. His ears were ringing and his vision swam, but in that state, Gilgamesh had somehow mastered how to control the Boat of Heaven Maanna.

“My king, are you all right?”

Ahad was dressed in armor, looking valiant and imposing, but his eyes were filled with worship.

“You… Who are you?”

Gilgamesh could barely see the person in front of him.

“I’m Ahad! You met me when you promoted the alternating-field method!”

So it’s that blockhead, the one who had complaints about me. Let me think. Kish’s great army has been defeated, and Uruk barely paid any price. That won’t do. The people definitely won’t see me as a Foolish King anymore. I have to do something… I’ve got it. This guy has a problem with me, doesn’t he? He’s connected to the nobility too. This one’s in the bag.

Gilgamesh smiled strangely. “Ahad, this king shall grant you a tale. Listen well.”

“My king, the urgent matter right now is…” Ahad did not understand why he was telling him a story now.

“Silence. I will be brief. Once, there were two peasants named Chen Sheng and Wu Guang. A tyrant forced them to build a city, and because they failed to arrive at the construction site on time, they were sentenced to death. Rather than submit to such an end, they gathered slaves and commoners and rebelled against that tyrant. They hid a message inside a fish that read, ‘Great Chu shall rise, Chen Sheng shall be king,’ using it to draw the god-fearing commoners and slaves to their side and raise the banner of revolt. Do you understand?”

Gilgamesh’s face was solemn.

This one’s in the bag. Hurry up and tell the nobility to spread the gods’ will like this and screw me over. Don’t show me any mercy. Take the slaves back, start a revolt, and denounce me as a Foolish King.

“My king… I don’t quite understand.”

Ahad looked like an honest man and even scratched the back of his head.

“You do not understand? How can you fail to understand something so simple?”

An arrow suddenly shot over and lodged in Gilgamesh’s afro.

“Forget it. This king has already made his arrangements. No matter what happens, do not make a fuss. Simply act as I instructed.”

It’s a little dangerous here. I should find somewhere to take shelter first.

Mr. Goldie silently removed the arrow from his hair.

Everything else can be discussed as long as I’m still alive… Come to think of it, the Boat of Heaven Maanna really is great. It’s amazing for running away. If only Ishtar stayed in the Underworld forever… No, wait. Based on my tendency for nothing I wish for to come true, right now I should—!

“Ishtar must return from the Underworld… Ishtar must return from the Underworld…”

Gilgamesh silently repeated it over and over, trying to hypnotize himself.

“I-I didn’t expect you to care so much about this goddess. Hmph. Earlier, you acted so indifferent… Well, not exactly indifferent, but you were a little cold. If you want to pursue this goddess, you should be just a tiny bit more passionate.”

When a certain foolish goddess’s voice sounded from behind Gilgamesh, he knew things were definitely over.

So when Ishtar appeared before him, looking a little bashful, Gilgamesh remained expressionless. He even steadily sat down on the Boat of Heaven Maanna.

However, this Ishtar was a little young.

“…A young Rin?”

Gilgamesh spoke in confusion.

“I-Idiot. This goddess turned into this to look for you. That damned Goddess of the Underworld. Hmph!”

Hey, even that last hmph had a babyish lilt to it.

Then a certain foolish goddess naturally burrowed in front of Gilgamesh.

“We’re setting off!”

Gilgamesh wanted to stop her, but why could Ishtar control the Boat of Heaven Maanna without even holding the front?!

“This goddess knows you want to go to the front. No need to thank me.”

Ishtar tossed her hair.

Mr. Goldie’s face darkened. “Ishtar. Your beauty is going to be the death of this king.”

“W-Why are you suddenly saying that…?”

Ishtar blushed a little.

But that was not the point. The point was—

“Stop, you fool!!!”

BOOM!

Mr. Goldie was thrown off by the bashful Ishtar and, carried by inertia, became a human Anti-Army Noble Phantasm as he smashed into the battlefield, right beside the King of Kish.

As Gilgamesh was seized by the King of Kish, he had only one thought in his mind.

Ishtar, you’d better not let me catch you. If I catch you, I’ll make sure you get what’s coming!

“Gilgamesh is here! Stop attacking!”

The King of Kish shouted loudly, making both Uruk’s army and Kish’s army stop fighting.

“Your king has been captured by me. Surrender!”

“No need to surrender! The king told me just now! He has his own arrangements! The goddess Ishtar can testify!”

Ahad climbed onto a high place and shouted at the top of his lungs.

Gilgamesh smoothed out his hair, expressionless.

Impossible… This can’t be happening. We’re all Gilgamesh, so why do the other Mr. Goldies never suffer? At most, they get their elbows cut off. Even in his own epic, he’s one of the greatest, so why doesn’t that work for me? Did I transmigrate into a comedy? Is a chibi Gudako going to come out and fix Human Order in a minute?

Mr. Goldie shivered for no reason.

This is a fan translation of 我金闪闪要当昏君 by 五色猫 Rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!