I, Goldie, Am Going to Be a Foolish King! [18]

The bards crossed mountains and rivers and arrived in another country—Kish.

It was a city even more powerful than Uruk, but the bards were not afraid in the slightest, because their king was the hero who had overawed the goddess Ishtar and defeated the Goddess of the Underworld.

They walked through the streets and alleys, spreading King Gilgamesh’s mighty name. The people of Kish all longed for this King of Uruk, especially the slaves. When they heard that Uruk had freed its slaves, a fire suddenly kindled in their hearts.

This made the King of Kish extremely unhappy. He was a skilled warrior, fierce in battle and violent by temperament, and he could not stand seeing Uruk’s king become so popular in Kish.

If you, Gilgamesh, have a greater reputation for wisdom in Kish than I, its king, do, then who is the King of Kish—you or me?

His temper flared at the slightest spark, and he immediately ordered those bards arrested. But after thinking it over, would arresting them not amount to admitting that he, the King of Kish, was inferior to King Gilgamesh of Uruk?

If he was going to do it, he would do it big. The King of Kish immediately summoned its nobles and clergy and decided to attack Uruk.

There was no attempt to hide it. Kish had attacked many countries over the years, and for the most part, it had won. Their soldiers were the strongest, and the King of Kish himself was a demigod.

So they released the news: in three months, they would attack Uruk.

The bards were deeply worried when they learned of this and quickly sent the news back to Uruk.

At this time, Mr. Gilgamesh was checking his Foolishness Points.

…

[FOOLISHNESS POINTS]: 201

These mongrels are kind of useless. A whole week, and this is all? That’s it?

Gilgamesh was somewhat disdainful. But it was fine. All things could flow slowly over time. The slaves would never be returned. Not in this lifetime. He would simply let those nobles and priests curse him as a foolish king for the rest of their lives. He would keep going. No matter what difficulties he encountered, he must not be afraid. He would face them with a smile. As long as he worked hard, invincibility would come sooner or later.

Just as he was about to draw the lottery, Siduri brought a group of nobles and priests to request an audience.

Gilgamesh understood that they would have grievances. It was not impossible for them to gather and come remonstrate with him. He had long since prepared himself, but his heart still muttered uneasily.

This was bound to happen sooner or later. No matter what they say, I just have to refuse to return the slaves. It’s not a big deal. They’re all afraid of me. My combat strength may not be high, but my intimidation factor sure is!

Mr. Goldie’s intelligence was normal, so he understood this perfectly well, but he still silently gripped the axe named “Power of the King.”

Do not tremble. Whatever hardship appears before us, fear is needless. Face it, laugh, and crush it beneath your feet.

Gilgamesh settled firmly into his seat, ready to receive their questioning.

“King Gilgamesh, you are wise and discerning!”

“This king will not return them!”

“…”

Silence fell over the palace. Mr. Goldie was confused. I took away their slaves, and they still call me wise and discerning?

Are these people mentally ill?

“King Gilgamesh, you foresaw this before it happened. You are truly wise and discerning!”

Siduri stepped out from among the nobles, her face full of worship.

What did I do this time? Can you people stop doing this and just let me be a proper foolish king?

“The King of Kish has ignored the divine command of the goddess Ishtar and declared that he will attack Uruk in three months. My king foresaw this, and therefore freed the slaves ahead of time, building the city walls to resist foreign enemies. Once construction is complete, the slaves will have grown strong through labor and can be converted into soldiers to supplement our military strength. My king’s wisdom is truly beyond our ability to fathom.”

Ahada also stepped forward and spoke.

“Yes, yes. They were only a few slaves, yet they can play such an important role. King Gilgamesh is wise indeed.”

“I even misunderstood my king before. I truly… truly deserve death!”

Then go die. Do you want me to help you?

Gilgamesh broke down. What was going on? Even his slow, steady stream of points was gone now, and he had to face the prospect of his country being conquered and his family destroyed. He had not even enjoyed any of the benefits of being a foolish king yet. How had it turned out like this?

No, I need to calm down. Let me think… war… gunpowder… Right, that’s it. This battlefield weapon. As long as I make this, it’ll work. I remember saltpeter, sulfur, and charcoal can be mixed at a ratio of 15:3:2. Sulfur and charcoal are easy to find, and saltpeter can be extracted from feces…

Gilgamesh’s eyes lit up. He could order people to dig up that stuff.

Who would willingly dig for something like that? Definitely no one! Then forcing them to dig would make him a foolish king, would it not? He could make gunpowder and earn Foolishness Points at the same time. Gilgamesh felt that he truly was incomparably clever.

He dismissed everyone around him, including the nobles. It would be terrible if they learned his true purpose. He kept only Siduri behind. When he saw Meshsha still standing there, he glared at her.

Meshsha felt somewhat hurt. She and Siduri were both close retainers, yet King Gilgamesh refused to let her hear the plan just because she was a traitor?

There was nothing wrong with that logic.

Gilgamesh instructed Siduri on the matter, along with the method and ratio for making gunpowder, guaranteed both its correctness and its importance, and told Siduri she had to treat it seriously. Then he ordered the bards to spread word that he was making people dig through feces.

Siduri thought carefully for a moment, and then she understood Gilgamesh’s plan.

First, he secretly has me find people to create this thing he calls “gunpowder.” Because the required raw material must be obtained from feces, King Gilgamesh is deliberately smearing his own name, making others think the king is forcing people to dig through filth and spreading the idea that he is a foolish king in order to lull the enemy into carelessness. But how could I possibly allow my king to bear such humiliation?

And so Siduri summoned a few loyal deathsworn and had them do the work instead. She also notified the bards to spread news of Gilgamesh’s foolishness to the King of Kish. This way, both sides would be satisfied.

Siduri was satisfied with her own handling of the matter.

The King of Kish was also satisfied by Gilgamesh’s foolishness.

…

Kept completely in the dark, Gilgamesh was still fantasizing about his future Foolishness Points income. But now, it was time to draw the lottery.

[LOTTERY DRAW]

[REWARD]: CONQUEROR’S HAKI

Not bad… But this isn’t right. Can’t I draw some kind of ability related to personal strength?

[LOTTERY DRAW]

[REWARD]: CLAIRVOYANCE

Clairvoyance that could see through the future? Gilgamesh’s face filled with excitement, and he tried using it.

Alas, so it was not that. Still, it was extremely powerful: Merlin’s version of Clairvoyance, which saw through the present.

That made sense. He was a transmigrator, so Clairvoyance that saw through the future probably would not be very useful to him. Seeing into the past would not be very useful either, considering he was already in extremely ancient history.

Thinking about it that way, Gilgamesh felt much more comfortable. Then he activated Clairvoyance to peep at Siduri and Eresh.

T/N:

This is a fan translation of 我金闪闪要当昏君 by 五色猫 Rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!