I, Goldie, Am Going to Be a Foolish King! [16]

When Gilgamesh woke and saw everyone standing before him with worship in their eyes, he felt deeply uncomfortable.

I’m clearly trying to be a foolish king. Where exactly did I go wrong?

After dismissing the nobles, Gilgamesh prepared to begin the day’s work.

Clay tablets were brought forward one after another. Looking at the correct solutions written on them only made him feel worse.

Why are all of you loyal ministers? Is Siduri the only true treacherous minister I have?

Gilgamesh sighed, then asked Siduri, who stood below the steps, “Siduri. How fares Ahada?”

Siduri replied, “My king, Elder Ahada is the same as ever.”

“And the bards? Has word of the matter been carried throughout Uruk?”

Gilgamesh was already growing impatient. So many days had passed, and he still had not managed to draw the lottery. What was he supposed to do?

“My king, the bards are still being gathered.”

Siduri looked somewhat helpless.

Gilgamesh could not wait any longer. He slapped his forehead and made up his mind.

“Enough. Go. Summon every noble and every citizen of Uruk. This king shall go to the riverbank and let them witness my magnificent judgment.”

“My king! That is rather too…”

Siduri wanted to step forward and remonstrate.

“Hoh?”

Seeing Gilgamesh’s expression, Siduri knew there was nothing she could do. She obediently went to notify the nobles and citizens.

…

Then the whole group rushed noisily toward the riverbank. Along the way, some people looked puzzled; these were the ones who did not know how Ahada had been treated.

Others were already cursing the foolish king in their hearts and spent the entire journey in a daze.

Gilgamesh looked at these people and felt extremely pleased. This time, victory was assured. All of Uruk would soon know just how foolish he was, and how he had persecuted an old retainer of three reigns. Foolishness Points—his Foolishness Points—were finally coming.

“Bwahahahahahaha!

Gilgamesh let out a delighted laugh.

Those who did not know the situation found it strange. Those who did felt that this king’s tastes were far too twisted.

When they arrived at the riverbank, everyone saw a man with graying hair and a dark, filthy face covered in who-knew-what. His clothes were tattered and caked with mud, and his hands were in the river as he washed them, yet no matter how he washed, they would not come clean. He looked as miserable as miserable could be.

Gilgamesh was extremely pleased. “Behold. That man is Ahada, an old retainer of three reigns. I imagine many of you know his name. For those who do not, this king shall tell you. He served the two Kings of Uruk before me, and even in this reign, he continued to offer his counsel. Though born a noble, he never drowned himself in pleasure. His character is upright, his loyalty precious, his spirit worthy of praise…”

Gilgamesh went on and on, praising Ahada to the heavens. In short, the more loyal and noble Ahada was, the more foolish Gilgamesh would look in a moment.

“Then… why did my king send Elder Ahada to the riverbank?”

One bystander who did not know the truth raised the question.

Good. You know how to play along. Next comes this king’s performance.

Gilgamesh stood.

“That is because this king—”

“My king, I have not failed your expectations!”

?

Ahada, who had been washing his hands by the river just moments ago, suddenly appeared before everyone. After bowing to Gilgamesh, he looked at him with a face full of excitement.

My king’s wisdom truly is beyond ordinary men’s imagination. Knowing I had already completed my work, he led everyone here. As expected, my king knew long ago that I would create something concerning the people’s livelihood. As expected of my king.

Gilgamesh was dumbfounded. What do you mean, “not failed your expectations”? Did I ever give you an order? Didn’t I just tell you to look at the stars, the moon, the sun, and nature?

He carefully thought back over everything he had done. Nothing was wrong. It was all exactly what a foolish king should do.

Then inspiration struck, and he understood. Ahada was a loyal minister! Even after Gilgamesh had reduced him to this state, he bore no resentment and was unwilling to let Gilgamesh’s image worsen in the hearts of the people of Uruk.

But Gilgamesh did not need loyal ministers, nor did he need a good image. All he wanted were Foolishness Points.

“Ahada. This king ordered you to observe. Then answer me—what did your eyes grasp?”

Trying to give me an excuse to step down, are you? I’ll ask you directly. If you can’t answer, the effect will be the same, won’t it?

Gilgamesh smiled.

Ahada raised his head. When Gilgamesh saw the fervor in his eyes and his haggard face, he suddenly felt that something was wrong.

“I saw that river water always flows from high to low, and that apples by the riverbank always fall from above to below. From this, I reached a conclusion. In truth, the land beneath our feet, the world we live in, is a sphere. This sphere rotates every day, divided into twenty-four hours. The reason we can stand upon it is because there is a force of attraction from the center of the sphere pulling us in. The people can use these hours to regulate their daily work and rest, though for now, I still do not know what use this force has.”

Ahada began proudly explaining his accomplishment.

Gilgamesh looked as though he had seen a ghost.

Ahada took out a clay tablet and handed it to Gilgamesh.

Gilgamesh took one look at the clay tablet, and half his heart went cold. Why could you come up with a calendar just by looking at things? Old retainer of three reigns, you really are a damned talent.

You really are one clever old bastard. I’ve picked up a ghost this time.

“My king, this is a wonderful thing that will benefit the people’s livelihood! No wonder my king had us all come here. It was to witness this moment!”

“Yes, yes! Exactly, exactly!”

This thing was far too important. It could increase Uruk’s grain production, so no one cared about Ahada’s suffering anymore. After all, he had done it willingly, and this achievement was enough to wipe away every stain.

Gilgamesh’s vision went dark, and he nearly collapsed. Only Little Di supporting him from the side kept him from losing his composure.

“My king, you need not be so delighted! The people will all remember your benevolence!”

“That’s right! King Gilgamesh! How wise and great you are!”

Seeing Gilgamesh so overjoyed for their sake, the surrounding people shouted in unison.

“King Gilgamesh!”

“King Gilgamesh!”

“King Gilgamesh!”

The waves of sound came one after another, and Mr. Goldie’s vision darkened even further.

Gilgamesh was tired. Looking at Ahada before him, he felt that he absolutely could not let him stay by the riverbank watching the stars anymore.

Where should he send him away to next?

T/N: WHATTTT BRO DISCOVERED PHYSICS??????????????? IN GILS ERA?

This is a fan translation of 我金闪闪要当昏君 by 五色猫 Rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!