I, Goldie, Am Going to Be a Foolish King! [13]

After much effort, Mr. Gilgamesh dragged his exhausted body and battered spirit back into the palace and collapsed onto the throne.

Slouching without the slightest regard for decorum counted as Foolish King behavior too, right?

Mr. Gilgamesh, who had already begun to despair of earning Foolishness Points, comforted himself with that thought. He clearly wanted to be a Foolish King, so how had things ended up like this?

For the first time, he had escaped his old life by transmigrating. For the first time, he had become a king who could enjoy everything. When those two joys were added together, shouldn’t they have brought him twice the happiness? So why had things turned out like this?

“Hmph.” Gilgamesh let out a breath. “Even so, this king must persist in folly.”

[FOOLISHNESS POINTS]: 57

?

Gilgamesh rubbed his eyes, unable to believe what he was seeing. What was wrong with him? What was wrong with this world? What was wrong with this system?

Who am I? Where am I? What have I done?

“Siduri! Attend to me!”

Siduri slowly entered from outside the palace, looking somewhat awkward. Gilgamesh’s irresponsible proposal last time had troubled her so much that she no longer dared remain constantly at his side and attend to him.

“My king, is something the matter?”

Siduri composed her expression and asked.

Gilgamesh sat upon the throne, leaning forward with his fingers interlaced. “That is what this king would ask of you. Has any misfortune befallen Uruk of late?”

At those words, Siduri’s expression turned worried, as though she wanted to speak but hesitated.

“Speak. This king will not punish you for it on a whim.”

Mr. Goldie made that promise.

Siduri took a deep breath, her face full of worry. “My king, Elder Ahada, whom you exiled, spends all day half-mad. In the morning, he watches the sun. At noon, he goes to the riverbank to watch the water, and he does nothing at all. Sometimes he puts his hands into the water, then lifts them after a while and drinks from them. At night, he does not even return home. He simply lies down in the wilderness and falls asleep watching the stars. His clothes are in rags, and his hair is so filthy that it has grown full of lice. Everyone nearby who has seen his miserable state feels deeply pained!”

That old man is really taking it that seriously? That’s a little pitiful. No wonder my Foolishness Points increased. But this won’t do! At this rate… the points are increasing way too slowly! If I’m going to persecute him, I need to step it up!

“Who could possibly understand what you are saying?” Gilgamesh retorted without the slightest hint of shame. “Go. Send word to Ahada. Tell him to continue striving. He is to devote himself with greater fervor.”

Siduri’s face changed drastically, and she was about to step forward and remonstrate, only for Gilgamesh to force her back with a hard stare.

“As you command.”

Siduri had no choice but to prepare to carry out the order.

“Hold.”

Inspiration struck Gilgamesh.

Right now, only the people by the river know Ahada is being persecuted by me. That isn’t enough. I need to think of something.

“My king, are you going to forgive Elder Ahada?” Siduri turned back, somewhat pleased.

“No. Gather a group of men and have them spread the tale of how this king persecuted Ahada throughout every corner of Uruk. Not only that—any misdeed of mine, whether great or small, is to be proclaimed without restraint. The more diligently they labor, the greater their reward shall be.”

Gilgamesh felt that he truly was a genius. How had he not thought of this method before?

Not only would this make his negative reputation spread quickly, but enough mouths could turn rumor into truth. One person filling in the blanks could not possibly make everyone do the same, right? As long as these people did the “imagining” for them and told them just how absurd, just how foolish this king was, wouldn’t the Foolishness Points come pouring in?

Mr. Goldie could already see the peak of his life.

Siduri silently twitched the corner of her mouth. Did this king have some strange hobby? “My king, what should these people be called?”

“They shall be called…” With a grand wave of his hand, Gilgamesh added this new post. “Bards.”

“As you command. But as for their pay?”

“Leave that to Little Di.”

“Little Di? My king, I do not believe any noble has that name.”

“Little Di. You know him. The one who has attended me since childhood—Fris Dickens, who is neither as handsome nor as clever as this king.”

Gilgamesh spoke while making strange hand gestures.

Siduri opened her mouth, but in the end, she said nothing. Behind Gilgamesh, however, Little Di, who had been there the entire time, was moved to tears when he heard that he had been entrusted with an important task. He was only a slave. Even if he had grown up with King Gilgamesh, the gap in their status had always stood between them. And yet he… he too could become someone who supported the king. Little Di began scribbling on a clay tablet again. It was a habit he had kept from childhood until now, recording the deeds of Gilgamesh’s life.

“Enough. This king is weary. You may withdraw.”

With a yawn, Gilgamesh dismissed her.

“As you command.”

Siduri bowed slightly, then walked out with graceful steps.

Gilgamesh was bored out of his mind, thinking about how to stir up trouble.

There are too many loyal ministers at court. I can’t use any of them at all. How would I earn Foolishness Points if I did? Siduri may be a treacherous minister, but she’s basically my secretary, so I can’t send her out to handle things for now. Little Di… now that he holds the post of leader of the bards and is organizing people, he probably doesn’t have time either. Ahhh, why does my Uruk have so few treacherous ministers?

As he kept thinking, Gilgamesh felt his eyelids grow heavy. Yet he had a feeling that if he fell asleep like this, something bad would happen.

“Little Di.”

Gilgamesh called out, his hand blindly grabbing through the air.

“My king, I am here.” Little Di immediately ran over and took Gilgamesh’s hand.

“I…”

Gilgamesh grew dizzier and dizzier. At last, his head tilted to the side, and there upon the throne, his breath ceased. As Gilgamesh departed, Little Di’s breath faded with him.

At that moment, the guards in the vast palace noticed something wrong with the two of them. After exchanging glances, they rushed forward to check.

“N-no way.” One of the soldiers shouted in disbelief.

“King Gilgamesh has passed away!”

T/N: bro just died :sob:

This is a fan translation of 我金闪闪要当昏君 by 五色猫 Rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!