I, Goldie, Am Going to Be a Foolish King! [11]

The harder he tried to swallow it, the angrier he became. The more he backed down, the more cheated he felt!

Especially now that everyone in Uruk was spreading the story that Gilgamesh had fallen in love with Ishtar.

Here was what happened: some well-meaning person had accidentally seen Ishtar in the palace, saying, “Go on! Any condition at all is fine!” Then they heard Ishtar say, “No, no, no, no! Not that!”

And plenty of people had also witnessed Ishtar, flushed bright red, fleeing at full speed on Maanna, the Boat of Heaven.

And so! The rumor that Gilgamesh had been so captivated by Ishtar’s beauty that he intended to use those conditions to make her his wife spread far and wide. The source of the rumor seemed to be some tall woman in purple clothes and a veil.

Forget it. It didn’t matter who it was. The problem was how to solve this!

Gilgamesh sat on his throne, teeth clenched, racking his brains over how to put an end to the rumor.

Go out and explain? No. The more I explain, the murkier it’ll get. Or should I kill Ishtar? Yes, I should just kill her. It should be fine to kill such a useless goddess, right? Once she’s dead, I can put her corpse on display, and that’ll settle it, won’t it? But Ishtar spends all day street racing. I can’t even catch her. And if someone says I killed her because love turned to hatred, that I destroyed her because I couldn’t have her… that would be dangerous.

Gilgamesh unconsciously touched his chin. “Hmph. How shall I deal with this farce?”

From the royal hall, he could see the sky outside. A few white clouds dotted the blue expanse, the grass swayed gently in the breeze, carrying a faint, fresh scent through the air, and the sunlight felt warm against his body. The earth, he imagined, must be warm as well. Sleeping on it would surely be comfortable.

Gilgamesh stood up. “Excellent. In weather this fine, there is only one proper course. Tear down Ishtar’s temple.”

What did good weather have to do with tearing down Ishtar’s temple?

Siduri faithfully took on the roles of both straight man and remonstrating minister. “My king, you must not offend the gods on a momentary impulse!”

“Oh?” Gilgamesh curled his lips. “So a king who offends the gods in a moment’s anger is what you call a foolish king?”

Siduri’s expression was full of righteous conviction. “Precisely! I am glad you understand.”

“Very well, Siduri.” Gilgamesh sighed. “Then be at ease. This is no momentary impulse.”

“What?” A bad feeling rose in Siduri’s heart.

“I have considered it at length. Therefore, I have judged that Ishtar’s temple shall be reduced to rubble!” With that, Gilgamesh picked up the axe he had named “Power of the King,” summoned three hundred guards, and headed for Ishtar’s temple.

Along the way, Gilgamesh had the guards shout at the top of their lungs, calling over every citizen of Uruk they could to witness this wonderful moment.

Duang… duang… duang.

Crack, crash, clatter…

The temple was destroyed at a speed visible to the naked eye. Most striking of all was the half-mad man standing amid the ruins. His golden hair shone with the radiance of the sun, red light blazed from his eyes, his upper body was bare, and the strange red markings on his body lent him an air of mystery. He was absolutely the kind of man countless young maidens would dream of—if he hadn’t been wildly swinging an axe while shouting, “Rejoice, Ishtar! Your shrine has earned the honor of being reduced to dust by my own hand!” and “How does it feel, goddess? Rage if you wish! Even your fury is beneath this king!” and laughing in a way no ordinary person could manage. Though his laugh was bright and hearty, there was something rather strange about it.

When Gilgamesh grew tired of chopping and could no longer lift the axe, he stopped. Watching the guards work hard to dismantle the temple, watching the priestesses look like they wanted to cry but had no tears, and imagining Ishtar’s face twisting in the future, he felt deeply satisfied.

“Hah! Splendid,” Gilgamesh said. “There are few pleasures finer than this.”

At last, the temple was reduced to ruins, and Gilgamesh returned to the palace in perfect satisfaction.

But on the road, he heard some bad news.

“Our poor king. Because he loves the goddess Ishtar too much, yet the goddess Ishtar keeps wandering everywhere, unable to bear the loneliness, he can only vent the love and anger in his heart this way?”

I don’t, I didn’t, don’t talk nonsense. I just want to hack Ishtar to death, that’s all.

“Is this the legendary yandere?”

No! And is the word yandere even allowed to appear in this era? Watch out for the Counter Force, hey!

“What a twisted love. He clearly likes her so much, yet he is bound by the responsibilities a king must shoulder and cannot fly away with Ishtar as a pair! How pitiful!”

I don’t like handling government affairs or Ishtar, hey! If I had to choose between the two, I’d definitely choose government affairs. Ishtar can go die.

“When next that woman appears before me, I shall personally reward her insolence.”

A black miasma rose from Gilgamesh’s body. Head lowered, as though he had cut himself off from the world, he paid no attention to anything around him and walked straight toward the palace.

This world… Whatever happens to it no longer matters.

So thought Gilgamesh.

So much so that he failed to notice Ishtar, who had watched everything from the skies above Uruk.

Her face was bright red now. “What do I do, what do I do? It’s all my fault for being too beautiful. Gilgamesh actually likes me this much. To think it’s gone this far. What does he mean by personally rewarding my insolence the next time we meet? Could it be—!” Ishtar instantly imagined certain unsavory scenes, and her face turned even redder. “No, no, no, no! I’m a goddess! Ishtar, you can’t do this! Mm, but Gilgamesh does seem rather good too. I’m at that age as well—ahhhh, what am I thinking?!”

Ishtar covered her face with both hands, using a white cloud as a bed and rolling back and forth on top of it.

“Idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot! Gilgamesh, you huge idiot! If you’re this direct, how am I supposed to face you? Wouldn’t it be better to slowly nurture our feelings? Damn it, damn it, damn it!”

Ishtar sighed and carefully considered her options, when a sudden flash of inspiration struck.

“Wasn’t I here to tell Gilgamesh that Eresh is coming to kill him? How did it turn into this?” She put her thumb in her mouth and bit it lightly. “But with things like this, how am I supposed to face him now? It’s so embarrassing.”

Ishtar shook her head. “Forget it, forget it. The gods all said that guy is strong, so nothing should go wrong.”

With that, she went back to rolling around on the white cloud, cursing idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot, before starting to complain about why she always dropped the ball every time she had something important to do.

What a useless goddess.

T/N: this guy is never going to get another power again LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

GILGAMESH IS SOOOOOOOOOO HOT

This is a fan translation of 我金闪闪要当昏君 by 五色猫 Rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!