I, Goldie, Am Going to Be a Foolish King! [3]

Gilgamesh returned to the palace in perfect satisfaction, only to see someone who looked like an elderly noble hurrying toward him, with a little girl following behind. On closer inspection, the old noble seemed somewhat familiar. He had an upright, righteous air about him.

Only after Siduri reminded him did Gilgamesh realize that this was a virtuous man who had served three generations of kings, while the girl was Siduri’s disciple.

Siduri is a treacherous minister, so the virtuous man she praises must be an even greater traitor. I need to put him to good use.

Gilgamesh was still considering what to do when the other man spoke first.

“My king is wise!”

I’m wise? How am I wise? I did something that foolish, and you can still praise me like this? Who would have thought a man with such an honest face would actually be a treacherous minister? Not bad. I’ll have to promote you properly.

“Name yourself.”

“This subject is Ahada.”

“Hmph. Acceptable. Choose a few among the nobles who are not entirely useless and gather them. This king shall call this body… the cabinet.”

Gilgamesh’s thoughts turned, and he had already settled on a plan.

No matter how foolish I am, I’m only one person. There’s a limit to how much trouble I can make in a day. But if I lift up these treacherous ministers and place them in important positions, won’t they be able to ruin far more things?

“My king, this cabinet… what is it?”

Ahada was somewhat puzzled.

“It is an organ for handling affairs of state. For the clay tablets presented each day, you will write your opinions at the bottom. Whether those opinions are worthy of action will be decided by this king.”

In consideration of the fact that the other man was a treacherous minister, Gilgamesh explained patiently.

Ahada’s body trembled, and his voice was full of emotion.

“My king, to gather the wisdom of the people and make good use of worthy men is the fortune of the nation.”

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. As expected, sycophants really do know how to say the nicest things.

“Go. Gather the personnel without delay.”

Gilgamesh was getting a little sleepy, so he waved him off.

Working overtime was impossible. If he was sleepy, then he absolutely had to sleep. Preferably with a body pillow.

He glanced at Siduri’s disciple and indicated that she should leave first.

“Siduri, attend this king back to the palace.”

Gilgamesh said it as though nothing were wrong, while watching Siduri out of the corner of his eye.

This counts as forcibly seizing a woman, right? It should be foolish enough, right? Mm-hmm. From now on, whenever I see a pretty one on the street, I’ll seize her.

“Yes.”

Siduri stepped forward and took Gilgamesh by the arm.

That’s not right. Aren’t you supposed to look unwilling and make me force you?

“Siduri. Was there such closeness between us before?”

Gilgamesh was somewhat confused.

“My king, I only began serving you after you ascended the throne and I inherited the position of Chief Priestess from my teacher.”

Siduri’s pace of speech remained as unhurried as ever.

“Then what is the meaning of this?”

Gilgamesh grew even more puzzled.

Siduri’s large eyes were filled with confusion.

“My king, in truth, we should have done this at the festival of the goddess Ishtar. As the representatives of the gods, the Chief Priestess and the king are required to offer a performance to the gods during the festival.”

?

Mr. Goldie was shaken.

“W-wait. You—no, this king… That is to say…”

Siduri walked on slowly, holding Gilgamesh’s hand.

“Also, my king, the festival of revelry will take place in a few days. During the carnival, the king is required to release himself together with the people. In the past, you excused yourself by saying you were still too young. Now that you have ascended the throne, you can no longer refuse.”

???

Was there such a thing?

Unbelievable. Was Uruk really like this? No wonder Gil did not wear clothes and said it was the citizens’ honor to admire his body.

No, no. I’m scared. I’m done playing.

“Siduri. Is this custom true? If so, then let the people enjoy themselves as they please. This king has no interest in mingling with such noise.”

Gilgamesh forced a smile onto his face.

“My king, it is absolutely true. All the citizens of Uruk know of it. The young women have been looking forward to it ever since you were a child. This may disappoint everyone.”

Fuck!

I forgot Kid Gil was made of one part humanity, two parts divinity, and nine hundred ninety-seven parts cuteness. And the girls have been looking forward to it since I was a child—are they even still girls now?

“Siduri. This king judges that festival improper. Abolish it.”

Gilgamesh’s expression was solemn.

Once and for all. What? You say I can’t take it? That’s right, I can’t.

“My king… this…”

Siduri looked troubled.

Mr. Goldie’s words were righteous and stern, his face full of integrity, as he pulled his arm back.

“Say no more. Rotten customs are to be cast into the dust. Siduri, though you have inherited the office of Chief Priestess, all such rites that demand this king’s participation are to be abolished without exception. This king is not a man who drowns himself in beauty.”

Siduri hesitated for a moment, then nodded and agreed.

“Very well. This king will stroll through the streets. You and your disciple may withdraw. There is no need to follow. See that this matter is resolved before the festival arrives.”

Gilgamesh felt that the path of forcibly seizing women probably would not work. What could he do when the other party was so willing? It was all Kid Gil’s fault!

Sigh. He might as well sleep on his own. Sleeping alone was great.

Siduri silently watched Gilgamesh’s retreating back.

“Teacher, does Uruk have this custom and festival? Why haven’t I heard of it?”

The girl tugged at the corner of Siduri’s clothing and spoke in an innocent voice.

Gilgamesh, who had not gone very far, stiffened and stopped.

He turned around and saw Siduri’s gentle, smiling face, her large eyes full of confusion.

“That festival…”

Gilgamesh had already realized what had happened, but he was not very willing to admit it.

Or rather, he still wanted to make one last effort to salvage things.

“Could it be that my king does not dare?”

Siduri said those poisonous words in a honey-sweet voice.

Does not dare…? This king, not dare?

The oldest King of Heroes, Gilgamesh, had sworn not to indulge in beauty, and so he would not indulge in beauty.

“To be fair, once this king declares he will not indulge in beauty, he will not indulge in beauty.”

He turned around again and strode forward with firm steps.

“My king is wise. Uruk shall spread the fine reputation of my king not being fond of beauty.”

Stop talking. Please stop talking.

“Some nobles had originally sent over a few maidservants, but I took the liberty of sending them back. My king does not mind, does he?”

Gilgamesh stumbled, then walked even faster.

Stop. Please stop talking.

The wind today was terribly loud.

T/N: bro got baited :sob:

This is a fan translation of 我金闪闪要当昏君 by 五色猫 Rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!