The Trainer With Little Time Left Just Wants to Live [29]

“Here… and here… Is there anywhere else with a flaw?”

Time slowly moved into night. Unlike Mr. C.B., who was seeking comfort at her parents’ home, Symboli Rudolf had returned to the student council room at once. The moment she came back, Rudolf did not even give Vice President Air Groove and Narita Brian any time to react before sending them both out.

“I’ll handle today’s work alone. You two go take care of something else.”

“And don’t let anyone disturb me today. I don’t want to see anyone. I need to focus on something. Please.”

After giving Air Groove and Brian those instructions, Rudolf very decisively locked the student council room door behind her. Right now, all Rudolf needed was to fill her time and thoughts with the student council’s tedious affairs, so she could forget the things in her mind that made her angry.

Rudolf could not, like Mr. C.B., hide away at her parents’ home. To Rudolf, the Symboli family was not a wall she could lean on after losing control of her emotions. The impression her family had given her… was nothing but strictness, upbringing, and expectations. That place was not a sheltering harbor for her, but a heavy burden she ought to carry.

So she could only lock herself up alone and slowly forget these vexing matters by herself… She tried hard not to think about Stay Gold’s provocation, or the almost undisguised purpose she had shown toward Kitano.

None of this had anything to do with her. In the end, Ryuichi Kitano was only a stranger to her. Although she had already verified some of his secrets, in the end, her life had no connection to his. There was no need for her to keep feeling guilty toward him, and even less need to feel that she owed him anything.

She… clearly had nothing to do with him.

DRIP.

Yet just as Rudolf thought that, she noticed a tear fall onto the document in front of her. In the next moment, as if it were a precursor to the torrential rain pouring outside the window, the tears welling up in her eyes swallowed her vision almost instantly, then began to fall uncontrollably.

“Ugh… uwaaaaaah…”

Why was she crying? Why was she acting so pathetic… like a loser in love?

Why couldn’t she convince herself? This was clearly the truth, so why did her heart find it impossible to accept? What… had she forgotten?

“I have to figure it out. I have to figure it out!”

“Ryuichi Kitano! No matter who you really are, this time, I’m going to understand everything! Don’t think you can torment me forever!”

Symboli Rudolf, whose emotions had completely spun out of control, barely tried to restrain herself as she swept all the documents and materials on her desk away in one motion. With reddened eyes, she took a notebook from the bottom of her desk drawer. Frustrated and anxious beyond measure, she immediately flipped it open to a marked page.

On that page, Rudolf had recorded in detail every dream she had had each night, from the first time she met Kitano until now. Those fragments, like shattered glass, had all been written down by Rudolf. And now, she had made up her mind to explore her memories from the inside out.

Just like that, time passed second by second. Rudolf, who had been so troubled that she could not even focus on official work for ten minutes before, had now forgotten time itself. Like an ordinary high school student desperately racing through summer homework right before school started, she shut out every change around her. In her eyes, there was only the matter she cared about most now.

Finally, under the cover of night, after working for who knew how long, Rudolf at last put down the fountain pen in her hand. She did not even have time to notice how stiff her body had become from sitting for so long. Instead, she impatiently reviewed the contents she had written in her notes.

“This should be everything. All of my dreams… Even the ones I wasn’t certain about are here now.”

“If the person in all these dreams is Kitano, then his past with me…”

…seemed far too distant. At that moment, Rudolf, who had been murmuring to herself, subconsciously closed her mouth, because she discovered that the dreams recorded in her notebook were not only from her active racing days. Some were even about herself as a child.

And that was far too illogical. Rudolf could not help laughing at herself. She did not have a single good memory of her childhood, which had been accompanied by strict teaching and brutal training. In a childhood where she had not even had one playmate, how could there possibly have been a Ryuichi Kitano who was not even a member of the Symboli family?

Even taking ten thousand steps back, if she really had had a playmate like Kitano in that kind of childhood, how could she possibly have forgotten everything about him?

“All of this… was I just flattering myself after all? Could it be that my childhood, long past as it is, is still demanding to be made whole even now, to the point that I’ve started hallucinating?”

With a scoff, Rudolf could finally no longer hide her exhaustion. After more than ten consecutive hours of organizing, the delayed fatigue occupied her mind in an instant. The moment she slowly leaned back into her chair, her eyelids could no longer hold themselves up.

Just like this… I should sleep properly. Maybe after I sleep, I’ll forget all of this.

Thinking that, Rudolf finally persuaded herself to close her eyes. Before long, accompanied by the sound of slow breathing, Rudolf, who had not had a single good night’s sleep in an entire week, seemed to finally fall into the deep sleep she had wished for.

And at that moment, her dreams no longer tormented her mind the way they had before… Perhaps because Rudolf had recorded all of those dreams, this time, her dream was no longer made up of intermittent fragments like before. Instead, they connected smoothly into one.

What did Rudolf dream of? She dreamed of herself with a different starting point, yet the same ending. She dreamed of a completely different life for herself in another world.

…

Rudolf had sometimes thought that if her life could remain frozen forever on a single day, she would choose her childhood without hesitation.

Rudolf had once read a certain line: “The fortunate are healed by childhood all their lives, while the unfortunate spend their whole lives healing from it.” Rudolf felt that perhaps she was one of the “fortunate.”

All of this had to be told from the very beginning. Even now, Rudolf still remembered that she had first met him at Tokyo Racecourse. She had followed her parents there to watch a race. She had originally thought that, for once, she could go out and have fun with her parents, but what she received from her father was a denial.

“This isn’t play, Rudolf. As a future Umamusume of the Symboli family, you will have to face this track sooner or later. Now, you must familiarize yourself with all of this in advance together with us.”

“…”

Her father, who had once been her mother’s Trainer, swept away all of little Rudolf’s joy in an instant. When Rudolf learned that her parents had taken time out of their busy schedules for the purpose of teaching her, not because they loved their daughter, she immediately showed great resistance and disgust.

At the racecourse, while the crowd was enormous, Rudolf deliberately took the chance to get separated from her parents. Yet perhaps due to the restrictions brought by the strict education she had received since childhood, even when young Rudolf rebelled, her rebellion was very measured. She did not run out of the racecourse, but only ran to the other end of it, the place farthest from her parents.

Just running there already made Rudolf extremely satisfied. But just as she was feeling pleased with her “resistance,” her gaze focused on a very conspicuous boy.

The reason she called that boy conspicuous was because she noticed that there were no adults by his side, just like her. His height was only barely enough for him to see the track. But unlike her, this boy was paying incredibly close attention to everything happening there, as if the race Rudolf found so boring was something this boy, who was only a few years older than her at most, could actually understand.

Perhaps he had only gotten separated from the adults too and was simply staring off into space? Rudolf, who had been praised as clever by countless adults since childhood and hated losing, looked at this boy before her, who seemed much more mature than she was, and a small feeling of defiance rose in her heart. Driven by that feeling, she walked forward. Although she meant to offer help, she could not hide her pride as she struck up a conversation.

“What’s a little kid like you doing at a racecourse too? Do you really understand Umamusume racing? If you got separated from your family, Aneki here can take you to find them, you know?”

The instant she said it, Rudolf felt she had gone a little too far. Her tone… had it been a little too arrogant? She hoped her words would not make this boy think she was some strange delinquent girl. Or make him burst into tears on the spot.

However, before the slightly uneasy Rudolf, the boy only turned his head slightly, revealing skin even paler than hers. His deep eyes, which did not match his age, shone with an expression Rudolf could not understand—until his next words arrived.

“I’m sorry. My family has all passed away. Aneki, can you really take me to find them?”

—That night, Rudolf could not sleep.

Rudolf had already forgotten how she went back with her parents, or how she endured the long scolding. Her mind spent the entire day in a daze.

In the end, Rudolf, unable to restrain the condemnation of her conscience, went deep into the night to find her grandmother, Speed Symboli. Under her grandmother’s slightly surprised gaze, this rebellious little Umamusume laid bare for the first time the worry that had troubled her for so long.

“I’m sorry, Grandmother. I know the way I spoke before was bad, but this time I really didn’t know—please. I want to find that boy. I want to apologize to him in person. Otherwise, there’s no way I’ll be able to sleep afterward.”

“…This is the first time you’ve ever taken the initiative to apologize to me, Rudolf.” After a brief moment of astonishment, Speed Symboli smiled at Rudolf’s unexpected experience. The head of the family did not think too much before immediately expressing her stance.

“Still, this is precisely the quality an Umamusume of our Symboli family should have. I understand. I’ll have people look into that boy’s information. Rudolf, what you need to do is bring a gift tomorrow and go apologize to him in person. Can you do that?”

“Absolutely!”

The overjoyed Rudolf did not know that this apology and meeting would create so many interactions between the two of them afterward.

She had forgotten how she entered that boy’s home after he invited her in. She only remembered that the moment she said her name was “Symboli Rudolf,” he stared at her with an incomparably astonished gaze. His expression was as if her name held an infinite attraction for him.

“It’s nothing. I just feel that hearing this name makes me think you’ll definitely become an incredibly strong Umamusume in the future.”

“My name is Ryuichi Kitano. I suppose I’m someone who wants to become a Trainer someday. I’m truly very happy to meet you, Symboli Rudolf.”

To Rudolf, Kitano was a very strange person. She had clearly said such excessive things the first time they met, yet Kitano was so warm toward her. And although he was not part of the Symboli family and had never met her before, his words revealed a deep understanding of her in every way.

For example, the second time they met, he brought her Fuji apples, her favorite food. And when she asked how he knew, he only smiled without saying a word.

Or for example, she had clearly never mentioned anything about her family, yet he somehow knew that she had a younger sister, Sirius Symboli. He also always told her to get along properly with Sirius, so that in the future, their relatives would not use the two of them to compare against each other.

Or for example, he was clearly only a child too, yet he understood Trainer knowledge especially well, and was even no worse than some of the dedicated Trainers in her family.

Her willfulness, her rebellion, her bad temper, and her competitive spirit… Unlike her family, Kitano accepted that version of her completely, and tolerated that version of her completely.

They played together, ran together, and went to buy little accessories she would originally have looked down on. Everything was so simple. There was no pressure, no worry—only the simplest joy.

And through each meeting, Rudolf gradually learned many things about Kitano… his parents, his life, and… his incurable illness.

“It’s all right. I know my own illness. But instead of crying about it, I think I’d rather do something grand with the limited life I have.” Even now, Rudolf still remembered that when she heard about Kitano’s incurable illness, the boy spoke of his dream in an unconcerned tone.

“I want to go to Central Tracen Academy and become a Trainer. I want to train Japan’s first undefeated Triple Crown Umamusume.”

“—Then let me make your dream come true!” At that moment, Rudolf almost blurted out those ambitious words. She grabbed one of Kitano’s arms and, in a voice full of fighting spirit and conviction, spoke of a dream she had never thought of before.

“We’ve made a promise, okay? In the future, we’ll meet at Central Tracen Academy. When that time comes, let me help you become the Trainer of an undefeated Triple Crown Umamusume!”

This boy, whose life had been filled with tragedy from the moment he was born, used an optimism and cheerfulness that should never have belonged to him to heal, time and again, the heart of this girl who had been born into glory, yet whose childhood was filled with strictness and bitterness. To the point that she made a dream even she did not know whether she could realize.

But Kitano still acknowledged her dream, just as he always had. From Kitano’s eyes, Rudolf saw recognition and certainty, and he said to her softly:

“—Mm. I believe you can do it.”

Kitano’s voice was not loud. Yet that one sentence filled Rudolf with more confidence than a thousand words of expectation from the elders in her family.

At that moment, for the first time in Rudolf’s life, she showed shyness. She tried her best to hide her emotions and chose to answer in her most confident voice:

“We will do it! Dummy! Don’t you dare forget me!”

As she spoke, Rudolf took off the heart-shaped accessory necklace she had always worn around her neck and forcefully placed it in Kitano’s hand, making him accept this token of their promise.

“If you forget me on your own, I’ll never forgive you! When we recognize each other again at Tracen Academy, you have to return the necklace to me!”

At that moment, if time could have stopped… Rudolf wished she could stay forever on that day. That little Umamusume had met the first—and only—light in her life. She did not know that this light would remain in her heart forever in the future, supporting her through countless hardships.

Whenever she shrank back, whenever she felt things were bitter or difficult, she would never forget that somewhere, there was a foolish boy who wanted to become her Trainer, waiting for her, waiting to meet her at Tracen Academy.

T/N: WAJOFJOAJFOSJOFJAS

This is a fan translation of 时日无多的训练员只想活下去 by 许氏子谦 Rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!