The Trainer With Little Time Left Just Wants to Live [34]

“No… Don’t leave me… It’s all my fault… It’s my fault…”

“President? President? Please wake up.”

Rudolf herself had no idea what state she was in, trapped in that dream. But Air Groove, who had come to the student council room that morning as usual, was startled by what she found. Especially at first, when she discovered that the student council room doors had actually been locked from the inside. If they had not been double doors, she would not even have been able to get in with her key.

The moment Air Groove entered the office, she saw Rudolf, who had worked overtime all day yesterday, sprawled over her desk, with documents scattered all over the student council room. It frightened Air Groove so badly that for a moment she almost thought Rudolf’s mind had snapped and she had died at her post from overwork.

Fortunately, when Air Groove nervously approached Rudolf, she heard Rudolf constantly murmuring in her sleep… She kept calling someone’s name over and over, her tone almost pleading, while tears streamed down her face before she even realized it.

Air Groove had been in the student council for quite some time now, but this was the first time she had ever seen Rudolf like this. She did not bother wondering whether Rudolf had slept enough or not, and immediately shook the president awake from what seemed to be a nightmare.

“Don’t leave Luna!”

Yet that one shake from Air Groove seemed to trigger some kind of stress response in Rudolf. Her eyes flew open, and she reflexively reached out with one hand, as though trying to catch the sleeve of the person who had still been in front of her in the dream a moment ago.

Unfortunately, newly awakened from that long dream, she had not been able to grasp the person she wanted to grasp even within the dream. Now, abruptly returned to reality, all she could hold was emptiness.

“…President? What’s wrong?” Air Groove stared in some confusion at Rudolf, whose expression was still dazed after waking with a start, unable to hide the odd look on her face.

Who was Luna? Air Groove actually very much wanted to know the answer to that question, but she faintly felt that it was a dangerous one, so she immediately chose to ignore it.

“I… Where am I?”

Rudolf, freshly awakened from the dream, still had not come back to herself. Her eyes swept blankly around the student council room. The next moment, her gaze focused once again on her own hands, but she could no longer find the heart-shaped accessory that had been in her palm just one second ago.

“It’s gone. Why is it gone?”

“Hm?”

“Air… Air Groove, it’s gone!”

Before Air Groove could react, Rudolf, whose eyes were still spilling tears, grew agitated again. She anxiously scanned the floor, as though searching for some keepsake left by a loved one, while continuously muttering under her breath:

“That was what he left me. That was the last thing he left me. Where did it go? Where did it go…”

“President! Calm down!”

Rudolf’s abnormal behavior finally frightened Air Groove. Air Groove immediately took one large stride forward and reached Rudolf’s side, pressing down on Rudolf’s shoulders with all her strength. When she felt Rudolf’s intense resistance, she clenched her teeth hard and forced the words out from between them:

“President, this is the student council room! You just had a nightmare! Snap out of it already!”

So strong! Air Groove clenched her teeth, veins bulging in both hands. Thankfully, she slowly felt Rudolf in her arms begin to calm down… Once Air Groove sensed that she had regained herself and carefully let go, Rudolf seemed to have burned herself out completely and dropped back into her seat.

It was all… a dream? Rudolf panted faintly, but the things she had seen in that dream echoed in her mind with unbearable clarity. What had happened in those dreams did not gradually fade within minutes, as dreams were supposed to, according to science. Instead, they seemed branded into her mind, becoming part of a life she had truly lived.

Was all of it fake? But why had every part of it felt so real? It was as if Ryuichi Kitano had lived once through her life. Whether it was his illness or every choice he had made, why had none of it felt like a dream at all?

Wait. His illness?

The moment Rudolf thought of this, the scene of Kitano’s grave illness and death surged back into her mind. Her gaze once again focused on the notebook on the desk, on the line clearly recorded there: “There is a strong possibility that Ryuichi Kitano’s physical condition is truly connected to his trainee’s performance”!

That conclusion had been fully settled yesterday, after Rudolf saw how Kitano visibly recovered his vitality once Nakayama Festa won her race. But now, as she recalled everything in her mind, all her doubts suddenly fell into place.

She understood now… why Kitano had become entangled with Mr. C.B. in her dream. Those Umamusume had said that during the Satsuki Sho, Kitano had already been so ill that he almost did not make it through. If Mr. C.B. had not won the Satsuki Sho, Kitano would never have lived to see her again.

But at the time, she… had mistakenly believed that Kitano had forgotten their promise from the past. She had not known that none of it had been his choice. How could someone who had forgotten a promise have kept the token of that promise all along? How could he have wrapped that unreturned token so carefully, even at the moment of his death?

Kitano… had cared about that promise even more than she had. Neither of them had forgotten the other. It was just… she had been the only one who failed to understand.

Even when she had already come to hate and resent him, he had still tried desperately to pull her back. He had not only been trying to pull her back. He had also been trying to save himself.

But she had refused. She had even rejected him before hearing him out… Back then, how hurt must he have been? How desperate?

And in the end, even Mr. C.B., the only one who could have allowed him to save himself, had forever lost her chance to stand on the track in that race against Rudolf. All of it… had been because of her.

With her own hands, she had pushed the boy who cared about her most… into the abyss of despair.

And she had even once felt pleased about all of it? At that moment, as Rudolf recalled everything in the dream, her stomach suddenly churned, and a violent wave of nausea surged up.

“What on earth is wrong, President?” Air Groove quietly watched the many changes crossing Rudolf’s face. Only when she felt the timing was right did she cautiously ask.

“Air Groove… I may have… done something I can never make up for in my entire life.”

After a long silence, Rudolf slowly lowered her hands. That self-mocking smile appeared on her face again. With tears in her eyes, she seemed almost despairing as she murmured:

“I wronged a boy… and even now, I still haven’t apologized to him. And now, even if I see him again, I don’t know whether it’s already too late to say those words.”

“I did many excessive, wrong things to him too. Only now do I know what regret feels like. But can he still forgive me?”

Rudolf’s mind was in chaos. She did not know whether everything she had experienced in that dream was real or false. But now, Kitano had appeared before her exactly as he had in her dream, and that forced Rudolf to wonder whether all of this was some kind of cycle. The only thing she could be certain of was that the Kitano who had appeared here was definitely the person from her memories.

What troubled Rudolf, however, was that even if she could confirm that the person before her was the most beautiful boy in her memories, after already going through one cycle, Kitano… seemed never to have shown any sense of familiarity toward her from beginning to end.

Perhaps this time, he had truly forgotten her. But faced with such an outcome, Rudolf actually felt relieved—because if Kitano really still remembered those memories, that past, then she would have no idea how to face him.

This had nothing to do with whether she could swallow her pride… Rather, Rudolf felt that her emotions might spiral completely out of control. At that point, even she could not be sure what outrageous thing she might do.

And Kitano’s current physical condition was hardly any better than it had been in the last three months she remembered. If her emotions slipped out of control and she reacted too intensely, hurting Kitano again, Rudolf felt she would die from guilt.

Now, Kitano had already been chosen by Stay Gold and become the Gold Family’s exclusive Trainer. As someone who had once personally pushed him into the abyss, was there still any need for her… no, did she even still have any right to ask for his attention again?

“…I don’t know either, President.” Faced with Rudolf’s question, Air Groove also seemed surprised that this president of hers could actually show such a helpless expression. But sensing Rudolf’s sincere remorse, she still tried to offer her own advice.

“But I think there are some things where doing something is better than doing nothing. If you think that boy won’t forgive you, then at least do something to convey your regret to him. At the very least, that should make you feel a little better.”

“And I think perhaps everything isn’t quite that bad. If that boy is still willing to speak to you, then maybe, in his heart, he doesn’t dislike you as much as you think, President.”

“…Not that bad?”

Yet Air Groove’s words caused the utterly dejected Rudolf’s heart to stir faintly. The next moment, Air Groove saw Rudolf’s expression shift as if the storm had passed and the sky were clearing.

What happened? Air Groove was rather baffled, but unconsciously took a step back. She somehow felt that something was a little off about the president before her… She had the feeling Rudolf was acting slightly deranged. Such violent emotional swings were really not normal.

But what had Rudolf figured out? It was only that Air Groove’s unintentional remark had suddenly illuminated a blind spot in Rudolf’s heart.

That was right. If Kitano truly hated her, why would he say at the very end of his life that he could not stop worrying about her? Why would he have kept the promise they made?

Perhaps in his heart… she actually still held a very important place. Perhaps he and she were, in truth, each other’s most beautiful memory.

And even taking a step back, if Kitano had already forgotten everything they had gone through this time, did that not mean she still had the chance to make him know her again? She could still personally make up for those regrets. She could still make him the most beautiful part of her life.

The moment she thought of this, Rudolf’s heart, which had gone completely still, began to pound once more. A rare hint of joy appeared on her face. She saw a trace of hope—a hope that could change every tragedy.

She would absolutely never let him escape again. The abyss she had once pushed him into with her own hands—she would also pull him out of that abyss with her own hands!

Because they were the most important people to each other, and they would never be separated!

“Thank you, Air Groove. I’ve figured out what I should do!” Rudolf could hardly hide the elation in her heart. All at once, she felt her thoughts regain their sharpness, and all the pressure and gloom weighing down her body were swept clean away. The familiar smile, confident yet dignified, returned to her face.

“Then, what business do I need to handle today?”

“It’s all routine work. But considering you seem not to have finished yesterday’s work, President, I think you may be busy for a while.”

Although Air Groove did not understand what was going on, seeing Rudolf’s smile return eased her own mood somewhat. After stacking the scattered documents back onto Rudolf’s desk, she seemed to remember something and casually said:

“Oh, right. C.B.-senpai’s parents came to Tracen Academy today. They seem to be asking about Trainer Kitano.”

CLACK.

The moment Air Groove said that, Rudolf, who had just picked up her fountain pen, loosened her fingers. The ink-dipped pen fell onto the documents, soaking a patch of paper. But Rudolf had no attention to spare for that now. The instant she heard the name “C.B.,” her expression changed once again, from joy into glacial coldness.

“—Air Groove, where did C.B.’s parents go?”

“Hm? Probably toward the cafeteria, I think. I’d guess Trainer Kitano is there right now.”

Air Groove had only just answered when Rudolf abruptly rose from her seat again. Before Air Groove could react, Rudolf was already striding quickly toward the door. Before leaving, she did not forget to instruct Air Groove:

“I’ll have to trouble you to handle today’s work for me. There is something I need to deal with. I may not be back all day.”

“When I return, I’ll approve your proposal to expand the garden. I’m counting on you.”

With that, Rudolf rushed straight out of the student council room, leaving Air Groove standing alone and bewildered amid the messy pile of documents, unable to recover for a long time.

That’s right. How could I have forgotten you, Mr. C.B.? As Rudolf ran down the corridor, she recalled everything Mr. C.B. had done in her memories, and now it all made her grit her teeth.

This time, I absolutely won’t let you find an opening again, you heartless bastard. I will never let you get close to my Kitano again. You are nothing more than a “substitute” who took the place that belonged to me!

T/N: cat fighttttttttt

This is a fan translation of 时日无多的训练员只想活下去 by 许氏子谦 Rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!