After spending most of the day preparing Rudolf’s victory banquet, the exhausted Kagura barely made it through her wash-up before collapsing onto the hotel bed. The moment her head touched the pillow, she was out.
Ever since becoming an Uma, her sleep schedule had become much healthier. She always woke early—and today was no exception. Having finished washing up and changing clothes, she happened to glance out her room window. Through the light morning mist, she saw a familiar chestnut-haired figure out on the street.
“Ojou-sama? It’s only six o’clock… she’s up already?”
Rudolf seemed to be jogging. She was panting, clearly having run quite a while already.
Kagura guessed she would circle back soon. With nothing else to do for the moment, she filled her flask with warm water and grabbed a towel before heading downstairs.
The sun had only just peeked above the horizon, the sky still dim. A summer morning, not yet hot—but damp after the recent rain. The air clung sticky against the skin, hardly fit for strenuous exercise.
After several laps, Rudolf slowed her pace, regaining her breath. With her speed dropping, she noticed the figure waiting by the hotel entrance—too early for passersby. A small black-haired Uma.
“Kagura?”
She stopped, calling out the name. Even through the haze, she wasn’t mistaken.
Seeing her stop, Kagura walked forward, holding out the flask and towel.
“Good morning, ojou-sama. You’re up very early—do you always train at this hour?”
“This morning I woke up with nothing to do. Felt wasteful just lying around, so I came out for a run… Thanks, it’s kind of you to bring water and a towel.”
“Just doing my duty—it’s nothing. But… didn’t Speed-sama and Tojo-san both remind you yesterday to rest well?”
Exercise was good, yes. But she had just burned herself out in a hard race yesterday. That kind of strain needed recovery time. Speed-sama and Tojo Hana knew that well, which was why they had warned her. And clearly Rudolf had ignored it.
“Ah… well, it’s just jogging. Doesn’t really count as exercise… right?”
“Ojou-sama, you’re soaked. That kind of exertion is obvious. You wouldn’t want Speed-sama or your trainer to hear you’ve been out here running yourself ragged at dawn, would you?”
Kagura’s gentle smile somehow carried an unexpected weight. Rudolf felt it, a pressure out of place on a child’s face—like a doctor chiding a patient who had left their sickbed too soon.
“Better to slip back now, shower, and change before anyone else wakes up, don’t you think, ojou-sama?”
“…You’re right. Fine, today I’ll stop here. But… Kagura, you’ll keep this to yourself, won’t you?”
“Of course. My lips are sealed.”
Kagura pressed a finger to her lips, promising silence.
It wasn’t fear Rudolf felt toward Speed-sama or her trainer—not exactly. More the dread of being nagged, of worrying them unnecessarily.
Kagura had thought to head back herself, to curl up in her room’s lazy chair for a rare idle morning nap. But Rudolf insisted on talking, and dragged her along upstairs instead.
Naturally, Rudolf went straight to shower. Kagura sat waiting on the edge of the bed, swinging her legs idly.
“I heard from the old lady—you lost a lot of memories, didn’t you?”
The voice came muffled through the bathroom door. So much for soundproofing in this hotel.
“Yes. I don’t remember anything about my family.”
That was the explanation Eclipse had advised her to use, and Kagura kept to it consistently.
If Eclipse counted, then she wasn’t without kin. But Eclipse didn’t want Kagura revealing her yet—for Kagura’s own safety, she said. So Kagura never spoke of her.
“I see… no wonder you don’t seem to mind it much.”
“Well, I can’t remember anything, so… ojou-sama, you don’t need to tread so carefully around the topic.”
“That’s not right. Even if you forget, knowing you’ve forgotten leaves a knot in the heart. Sorry. I won’t bring it up again.”
The bathroom door clicked open. Rudolf stepped out, wrapped in only a towel. Kagura had to admit: all Uma had excellent figures. And Rudolf’s was flawless, the kind that made a short little thing like Kagura ache with envy.
“You don’t seem afraid of me at all. You talk to me so naturally.”
Quickly dressed again, Rudolf sat at the bed’s edge. Kagura slipped behind her with a dryer, gently working through her damp hair. Each pass of the small hand through her locks carried a calming warmth. Relaxation seeped in, making even Rudolf, usually so vigorous, feel drowsy. She had the sudden urge to lean back and sleep in Kagura’s lap.
“Afraid? Why? What’s scary about ojou-sama?”
Kagura asked lightly, kneeling behind her.
When she had first met Rudolf, yes, she had thought: Not easy to approach. But that was all. Kagura had faced too many patients and bosses in her past life to be intimidated by such things. Compared to some of those people, Rudolf was just a student council president type—stern, serious, but still just a student. Hard to approach, yes, but not impossible.
And from what Speed-sama had said, Rudolf had once been far more hot-tempered. Now she seemed much better.
“At school… no one dares talk to me. In the cafeteria, whole circles around me sit empty. They respect me too much. Authority is good, but if it builds walls, it defeats the point. A student council president should be close to her peers.”
“Mm… a trouble only the exceptional would know~”
Seeing the frown on Rudolf’s face, Kagura nodded in sympathy. She understood all too well. Back in school, she too had avoided her own student council officers—brilliant, dazzling, untouchable. Between ordinary and genius, there was always that invisible wall.
And Rudolf kept sensing it—the odd maturity, the composure in Kagura’s eleven-year-old self that sometimes surpassed her own. Maybe asking her would yield surprising answers.
“Perhaps it’s also that you always speak too formally. Nobody wants to feel like every chat is official business.”
“I’ve always been that way. Hard to change… Kagura, do you have any ideas? How can I be more approachable?”
“Try relaxing a bit. Learn what’s popular now? It’ll give you topics to share with other students. And as for sounding too stiff… maybe read some joke books? Even if you don’t use the jokes, the sense of humor could soften your speech.”
Kagura thought carefully before answering. She couldn’t know how much this advice would torment future members of Tracen’s student council.
“…Trends and jokes, huh. I’ll give it a try. Kagura, do you know what’s popular now?”
“Eh? Why ask your maid about that?”
“You’re a teenager yourself. You should know what kids like.”
Kagura hesitated. She’d only just gotten a phone, hadn’t touched much entertainment. She’d seen the younger maids chatter about dramas, but never mobile games. Still, she mentioned games and anime. She’d seen plenty of commercials at the electronics store, even recognized some titles she liked.
“I see… ordinary students like those? I’ll look into it.”
Rudolf nodded, thoughtful. Kagura felt—this serious ojou-sama must have drowned in responsibilities too early, cut off from what girls her age usually enjoyed.
“If it helps, I’m glad. Well then, ojou-sama—shall I tie your hair up?”
“No need. I rarely do anything with it. This is fine.”
Dressed and neat, Rudolf turned to face her. Kagura, still seated properly on the bed, smiled up. So docile, so endearing—it stirred something sudden. Rudolf reached out, gently pinching her soft cheeks.
Ah… I knew it. Why is it everyone likes to pinch me? Is it really that nice to the touch?
Kagura didn’t resist, letting her knead. She was used to it by now. Maruzensky, the maids, even Speed-sama all seemed to enjoy it—pinching her face, hugging her without warning. She knew it was affection, but sometimes the enthusiasm overwhelmed her.
A few seconds later, Rudolf jolted back to herself—her hands were fully cupping Kagura’s cheeks, kneading like dough. Kagura’s face, resigned, betrayed only weary acceptance.
“No—what am I doing… Forgive me, Kagura. I shouldn’t have done that without asking.”
She quickly drew back, flustered.
“It’s fine. I don’t really mind. You’re not the first, anyway. But… I am curious. Does it really feel that good?”
Kagura’s smile was helpless, but amused.
“…Well, it does feel nice, I can’t deny that. Ah—by the way, Kagura, have you ever measured yourself?”
Embarrassed, Rudolf changed the subject. She had actually meant to talk about uniforms—this was just an unintended detour.
“No, why?”
“Since you’re coming to Tracen, you’ll need a uniform. Every student has one. I happen to have a measuring tape. If you don’t mind, I’ll take your measurements now?”
“If it’s a requirement, then… please go ahead. Should I take off my clothes?”
After some time, Rudolf finished measuring her. Kagura dressed again, glancing at the numbers. As expected, all were perfectly childlike.
“Mm~ don’t be discouraged. You haven’t undergone maturation yet. You’ll grow.”
Seeing her dissatisfaction, Rudolf patted her shoulder warmly.
“I get the feeling… even after maturation, I won’t grow much…”
Pulling her clothes back on, Kagura sighed at her flat chest and short stature. She missed her old 170 cm body. Now, barely over 140 cm, she had to crane her neck just to meet Rudolf’s eyes.
“Don’t be down. For your size, Kagura, your figure’s excellent—not too thin, not chubby. Just the right softness is best.”
Rudolf smiled gently, brushing her head.
True… I can eat like an adult and not gain weight. What child has ‘just right softness’? This kind of body only exists in anime… My friend used to rave about it, and maybe she wasn’t wrong.
Kagura thought wryly. Her proportions were ideal for her age—and totally unrealistic. Except for the flat chest, it was a two-dimensional kind of perfection.
“Alright. I’ve sent the sizes to the supplier—they’ll prepare your uniform quickly. It should be breakfast time now. Let’s head down.”
—
T/N: THE JOKE BOOKSSSS
This is a fan translation of 你这后勤马娘有问题啊 by 惰性大发 All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!
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