I, Kiriko, the Cheater! [64]

It was a dark space, empty as the void.

Pinpricks of starlight shimmered faintly in the black. A thin mist drifted over a checkered floor of alternating black and white, like a chessboard—hazy enough to feel almost like a fairyland.

And somewhere in that darkness sat a compact office setup: a desk and chair, a 4K curved monitor on the tabletop, and a top-end enthusiast PC build beneath it.

In front of the computer sat a girl with long, water-blue hair.

She looked about sixteen. Her eyes were the same watery blue as her hair, which was tied into a loop with a blue gemstone at the crown. Her expression was holy and coolly distant; when she wasn’t speaking, she gave off a sharp, untouchable aura.

She wore a feathered robe—something you’d normally only see in myths or xianxia dramas—but on her, it somehow looked perfectly natural.

The beautiful girl’s name was Aqua.

And believe it or not, she was a goddess.

Aqua had originally been the goddess in charge of reincarnation guidance for the Japan region. Among the people she’d sent off to other worlds were: a Demon King who leveled up just by casually grinding mobs, the inventor of a mobile city-destroyer who could build anything, and a whole crowd of young otaku who died early while carrying bugged items…

One of the worlds under her jurisdiction eventually fell under the Demon King’s terrifying rule.

To save that world—to save the people suffering under the Demon King’s tyranny—Aqua went there personally.

After a string of sweeping adventures, epic enough to be called legendary, the Demon King finally fell at Aqua’s feet, and that world was redeemed at last.

When Aqua returned to the heavens after accomplishing such a feat, she recorded her firsthand experiences and published them as a book.

Today, the volume Aqua wrote herself—From Beginner to Master: Aqua’s Hands-On Guide to Being a Reincarnation Goddess—was required reading for every newly appointed goddess, and it was also mandatory material on the heavens’ annual exams.

And Aqua, who had successfully defeated the Demon King, was promoted from handling reincarnations for Japan to overseeing reincarnations for the entire Greater Earth sector—and was additionally granted the divine status of the Goddess of Wisdom.

Now both the Goddess of Water and the Goddess of Wisdom, Aqua was currently doing something important.

Something extremely important…

“Dead!”

At the sight of the blood-red “DEAD” on the screen, the cool, sacred aura around her evaporated instantly.

“F—f—f—f—f—f—!”

She launched herself onto the desk, then rolled along the edge of it a few times like she was trying to exorcise the rage out of her body.

Damn it. Dead again.

She’d been stuck on the very first boss monster for nearly five hours and still couldn’t get past it…

She was remembering this game’s producer.

When that guy died, she’d reincarnate him into a world where whether you lit the First Flame or snuffed it out, it made no difference—there was no hope either way.

Hmph!

After rolling around a bit more, the fury finally eased. Just as Aqua was about to queue up another attempt, a pop-up appeared in the bottom-right corner of the monitor.

[Aqua-sama, a new reincarnator has appeared. Please carry out reincarnation guidance.]

Recently, the heavens’ business scope had expanded rapidly. They’d started with just Earth, but now their territory covered the entire Milky Way.

Not just Earthlings—Moon people and even Trisolarans fell under the heavens’ jurisdiction now.

“Understood.”

Aqua patted her cheeks, reined in the idiot expression from earlier, and replaced it with the cool, dignified air befitting a goddess. Then she snapped her fingers, and a young man appeared out of thin air—sitting in the chair before her.

He looked completely lost, clearly trapped in the classic philosophical trio: Who am I? Where am I? What is this place?

“Let me check this reincarnator’s name…” Aqua glanced at the computer screen, then put on a gentle smile. “Kiriko… so you’re Kiriko, right?”

“Nice to meet you. My name is Aqua. I’m the goddess responsible for guiding your reincarnation…” Her smile stayed soft. “And although this may be sudden, please accept my condolences. Your life is already over.”

“Huh?”

The boy stared at the stunning girl—beautiful, icy, and calling herself a “goddess”—with a blank, dazed expression.

“What do you mean my life is over?”

“It means you’re dead.”

Aqua said it with clinical bluntness, showing not even the slightest awareness of what “tact” might be.

“What?!”

Kiriko shot up from the chair, eyes practically bulging out of his head.

“You’re saying… I haven’t even graduated from my virginity, and I’m already graduating from life?!”

“That’s about the size of it,” Aqua said.

Kiriko’s brain clearly refused to process this. He stood there, empty for a few beats, then slowly sank back into the chair.

“You said I’m dead?”

“Yes.”

“But I was just at home, on my computer, watching My Great Sword—how could I drop dead on the spot?!”

“It happened very suddenly, and it’s hard to explain properly.” Aqua tilted her head. “Tell you what—I’ll show you. You’ll get it.”

She pulled a fountain pen from under the desk and set it on the tabletop. Somehow, she made it stand upright.

Then she took a business card and placed it on top of the pen.

The pen—cap removed—pressed its nib steadily against the underside of the thin card.

Finally, she picked up an apple and gently set it on the card.

A single upright pen, yet it held the business card—and the apple on top—perfectly in place.

“What’s this supposed to mean?”

Kiriko still didn’t understand.

“Don’t rush. We’re not done yet—this is the important part.”

Aqua smiled and snapped her fingers.

Pshhk!

It was as if a thousand tons of force slammed down. The pen’s nib pierced the business card as easily as paper, then drove deep into the apple.

At least half the pen’s body disappeared into the fruit, and a huge split tore open across the underside of the apple.

Kiriko understood immediately.

Not only did he understand—his face went ashen, and he felt his “friend” tighten in sheer terror.

“T-This, this, this… this is real?!”

Aqua nodded.

“No way! How can that even happen?!”

Kiriko clutched his head, like he wanted to crawl into a crack in the ground and vanish.

“Haha… hahahahaha!” Aqua’s lofty goddess aura vanished without a trace as she laughed like a—like a goddess who’d completely lost it. “This is the first time I’ve seen someone scare himself to death in his sleep!”

—

T/N: WHERES MY KIRIKIO?????? WHOS THIS VIRGIN BOY

This is a fan translation of 我，桐子，封弊者 by 延夏. Rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!