Restart, Spider-Man! [176]

Xia Luo picked up the dragon bone fossil from the ground. “I’m confiscating this.”

“No!”

Wade clutched his face, the whites of his eyes widening dramatically.

“Don’t do this to me, please! For the love I have for you, give it back!” he cried, pounding his chest in over-the-top heartbreak.

Xia Luo’s eye twitched. “You weren’t using this to, uh, fix Tony’s little… overactive issue, right? But even with the fossil’s boost, I can’t imagine you moving that fast.”

Hands on his hips, Wade threw his head back in a maniacal laugh.

“Hahaha, Spider-Man, allow me to enlighten you.”

He mimed drawing on an imaginary chalkboard, sketching a rough outline of a human figure, then said with mock seriousness:

“The dragon bone fossil’s energy accelerates human movement, but it’s the time force inside that’s the real game-changer. If you use a substance that drives time force, you can harness it to reach ridiculous speeds.”

Xia Luo raised his hand. “And what, exactly, drives this time force?”

“Excellent question, Xia Luo,” Wade said, folding his hands behind his back. “To tap into time force, you need time itself—specifically, the user’s lifespan. In other words, it costs aging.

By sacrificing life force, you get even more time force, which is why one dragon bone fossil is enough to give me super-speed without having to strap them to my legs.”

Xia Luo nodded in realization. “So it’s similar to what happened to Adrian, but his speed wasn’t nearly this intense.”

“Tut tut tut,” Wade waggled his finger in Xia Luo’s face. “Borrowed life force and your own life force work totally differently. The efficiency’s like night and day.

But enough talk! I’ll show you!”

“No thanks. I get it.” Xia Luo stepped back. “I’m not looking to jumpstart retirement.”

Pocketing the fossil, he added, “This is staying with me, and you’re not causing any more trouble—at least, not until Tony pays my confidentiality fee.”

“No!”

Wade stamped his foot. “No way! That guy insulted my dignity, stomped on my pride, and dissed my handsomely rugged face. I have to get him back.”

“Wade, you don’t have any of those things. You’re out of reasons for revenge.”

“Says who?”

Wade yanked off his mask, pointing at his face passionately. “Look closely—is this handsome or what?”

Xia Luo pulled off the celebrity poster Wade had plastered to his face. “How about now?”

“Oh no!” Wade clutched his scarred face in horror. “Please, don’t give me a mirror.”

“Wasn’t planning to.”

Xia Luo patted his shoulder. “But hey, S.H.I.E.L.D. just hired a brilliant new scientist, and rumor has it…”

“Is she hot?” Wade interrupted.

“Shut up!” Xia Luo snapped. “She’s developed a nano-printing technology that could give you a nice, smooth face. Tempted?”

Wade’s eyes sparkled. “Absolutely! I’ve never dated a hot scientist!”

Xia Luo: “…”

“Alright, I’m over this. Goodbye.” He shot a web and began to swing away, only for Wade to latch onto his leg.

“Take me with you.”

“I’m going home.”

“Then take me home.”

“Nope. Not happening.”

“Fine, I’ll just steal another dragon bone fossil.”

“Alright, alright! Just talk less.”

“Relax, I’ll hardly say a thing.”

“Damn it, I just told you to talk less.”

—

Queens, Blake Street.

In the early morning hours, Xia Luo quietly opened the door, dressed in his regular clothes.

“I’m back,” he whispered.

Beside him, Wade, now wearing a freshly pressed suit, tilted his head.

“Why are you whispering?”

“Don’t want to wake anyone up.”

“Then, why speak at all?”

“It’s called a ritual.”

“Ooh~ I like that.”

Wade wandered into the living room and immediately spotted the baby crib.

“Whoa, what an adorable baby.”

He crouched by the crib, reaching out to poke the sleeping baby Kingpin’s cheek.

Sensing movement, baby Kingpin blearily opened his eyes, and, in an instant, the sight of Wade’s scarred face sent him into a fit of terror, resulting in a very wet diaper.

“Eeyah~”

What the heck is that?!

So ugly!!

Baby Kingpin let out a shrill scream as Wade threw his hands up.

“He wet his diaper! Who’s going to change him?”

“Obviously, you,” Xia Luo said, listening for signs of life, but it seemed Uncle Ben and Aunt May weren’t home. They were likely working late.

Being in charge of Hell’s Kitchen was a busy gig.

“Alright, nobody’s here. You’re sleeping on the couch,” he added, pointing to the sofa.

“Fine by me.”

Wade glanced toward Xia Luo’s room with curiosity.

“There’s an extra room here. Why’s the crib in the living room?”

“That’s my room.”

“Wait, so the baby doesn’t get his own room?”

“Of course not. He’s a little troublemaker, doesn’t deserve his own room.”

Baby Kingpin: “…”

Finally, he understood.

Why the crib was in the living room.

Xia Luo’s room was for Xia Luo alone.

No one could ever replace him.

Sniff… What a touching family.

“Uh-oh, baby’s crying,” Wade observed.

“Just scare him with your baby face,” Xia Luo replied, heading to the bathroom to wash up.

Wade grinned, drawing one of his katanas slowly.

“Baby, no more tears, or Mr. Sword here might just snip off something important, got it?”

The blade hovered over baby Kingpin’s tiny form, and he instantly forced an awkward smile.

Bad news—Spider-Man was back.

Worse news—Spider-Man’s friend was a maniac.

It seemed he’d never escape the clutches of the Parker family.

Seeing the baby smile, Wade looked delighted.

“Looks like he loves this game!”

He lightly tapped baby Kingpin’s cheek with the tip of his sword, and the baby’s face darkened immediately.

“Wow, he can change expressions! Are you sure he’s not an African prince or something?”

Wade continued to tease the poor baby, while Xia Luo, freshly washed up, reentered the room.

“Stay here for now. I’ll take you to S.H.I.E.L.D. tomorrow.”

“Alright. Seems like you know them well—can you put in a word for me? I wanna join the Avengers—”

BAM!!

Xia Luo slammed his door shut, right in Wade’s face, causing him to stumble back with a bruised nose.

Snore~

Wade instantly passed out on the floor, snoring away. Baby Kingpin, peeking over the crib’s edge, stared at the strange, scarred man, his eyes gleaming with curiosity.

He doesn’t seem too bright… Maybe I could…

Contemplating a new scheme, baby Kingpin grinned, flashing a mischievous smile.

—

After a long sleep, it was yet another beautiful night.

“Hey, you’re awake.”

Xia Luo walked out of his room to find Wade wearing an apron, emerging from the kitchen.

One look at the two overcooked eggs on the table reminded Xia Luo of Wade’s usual shenanigans, and his appetite vanished.

“No thanks, I’m good. You can have it.”

“Well, don’t mind if I do!”

Wade began licking the plate in a disturbingly suggestive way, making Xia Luo grimace.

“Eugh…”

With a look of disgust, Xia Luo moved to another corner of the room to prepare some formula for baby Kingpin.

“So, how’ve you been? Still eating well?” he asked, eyeing the baby’s chubby cheeks.

“Hm, maybe a bit too well. Guess I’ll cut down the amount a bit and help you watch your weight. No need to thank me.”

Baby Kingpin: “…”

Just as he was about to protest this cruel oppression, the door creaked open, and Uncle Ben and Aunt May finally came home.

“Oh, I’m exhausted! Maybe I should just break up the team—there are too many people to manage,” Ben groaned.

“It’s okay, just read up a bit more. You’ll find a way,” May encouraged.

“If you can’t lead the team, you’re stuck working till you drop, huh?” Xia Luo mused, picking up a book from the table with a wry smile.

Seeing him, Uncle Ben and Aunt May’s faces lit up.

“Oh, Xia Luo, you’re finally back!” Aunt May pulled him into a warm hug, tears shining in her eyes.

“Hey, cuz—Uncle Ben’s going to get jealous if you keep that up.”

Xia Luo’s comment made Uncle Ben pause for a moment.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Wade’s eyes widened, nearly bursting with disbelief.

“‘Cuz’? Wait a second, did I just hear that? Is this… a family tradition?”

“Ahh!!”

Seeing Wade’s face, Uncle Ben and Aunt May recoiled in shock.

Wade: “…”

Soon enough, everyone sat around the table, exchanging glances in awkward silence.

“Uncle Ben, you and Aunt May look younger than ever. I’m actually shocked,” Xia Luo said calmly.

Uncle Ben and Aunt May exchanged a look.

“I’m sorry, Xia Luo. We wanted to give you time to adjust, but you were away so long on that mission. We didn’t get a chance to tell you the truth,” Uncle Ben sighed.

Aunt May patted his cheek. “You look so thin after being gone so long. You must have had such a hard time,” she said with a look of concern.

Xia Luo didn’t have a chance to respond before Wade leaned in, nudging his own face toward Aunt May’s hand.

“What are you doing?” she asked, startled.

Wade batted his eyelashes. “I just thought… maybe my lovely young aunt could give me a little pat too?”

Uncle Ben gritted his teeth and quietly headed to the kitchen to fetch a knife.

“No! I was joking! I’m hilarious, right?” Wade quickly returned to his seat. “Time for my intro. I’m Wade from Gotham City. Folks call me Batman. I’m Xia Luo’s colleague and best friend.”

“Batman?” Ben and May exchanged bewildered glances.

Xia Luo rolled his eyes. “Ignore him. I have a mission later, so I’ll be heading out.”

“Working late again?” Aunt May asked, her voice filled with worry.

Wade nodded solemnly. “Bats are nocturnal, so Batman works nights. Spiders do, too.”

Ignoring Wade’s rambling, Aunt May pulled a wad of cash from her purse and handed it to Xia Luo.

“Here, some pocket money. Take your colleagues out for coffee—especially the pretty ones. Don’t let any slip by,” she whispered.

Xia Luo: “…”

Looking at the stack of bills in his hand, he couldn’t help but marvel.

Aunt May’s made it big, even splurging a bit.

From now on, Spider-Man’s no longer the broke hero!

Just then, a thought seemed to hit Aunt May.

“Oh no, the mortgage next month…”

She took the money back from Xia Luo, then pulled out a single bill and handed it to him.

“A kid like you doesn’t need much; this’ll do.”

Xia Luo: “…”

As they left, Wade clapped him on the shoulder, reading the hopelessness on Xia Luo’s face.

“No worries. I’ll sell my body to support you. Trust me, the cash flow will come,” Wade said confidently.

Xia Luo sighed, “Thanks. Appreciate it.”

“No problem.”

Wade’s gaze shifted toward the neighbor’s place, where a young woman was leaving the house late at night. His eyes lit up as he started limbering up.

“Target acquired! Look, she’s headed this way. When she asks for rates, don’t say a word—I got this.”

But to Wade’s shock, Mary Jane swept past him, throwing herself into Xia Luo’s arms.

Wade: “!!!!”

Xia Luo: “…”

Something’s definitely off.

A second later, he felt tears soaking through his shirt.

“I know. I know everything,” Mary Jane whispered, her voice trembling. “In every universe, Peter Parker and Mary Jane are meant to be.”

“But their endings are never happy. Spider-Man is always… alone.”

“I know you’ve realized this. That’s why you keep avoiding me, isn’t it?” Her words made Xia Luo frown.

How did she know all this?

Before he could ask, Mary Jane continued, “I met another Spider-Man. He came looking for me. His name was Peter Parker. And in this world, Peter Parker is you—Xia Luo Parker.”

“Spider-Man, it’s you. I know it.”

She looked up, her tear-streaked face stirring a flicker of excitement in Wade.

“Together forever! Together forever! Together for—ow!”

Xia Luo silenced Wade with a punch.

“When did you find out?” he asked Mary Jane.

“The day Spider-Man disappeared.”

Xia Luo’s eyes narrowed.

The day of the revival rounds?

In that reset, only two Peter Parkers appeared, while two others never showed up. If they could find Mary Jane, then surely they could find Gwen as well.

So…

Spider-Man’s life was still falling back into its usual tragic pattern.

Mary Jane, Gwen… who would be next?

Xia Luo’s frown deepened.

Looking at Mary Jane now, he didn’t know what to say.

As silence lingered, Mary Jane seemed to understand.

She took a step back, wiping her tears.

“I get it. So… go.”

Her gaze grew resolute. “Until I can protect myself, I won’t get in your way. You don’t have to worry.”

“Spider-Man, continue writing your story. You deserve a life with no regrets.”

“And so do I.”

With that, Mary Jane took a deep breath and turned away.

Xia Luo watched her go, saying nothing.

From his corner, Wade clung to the wall, sobbing.

“Boo-hoo~ So moving! Poor Spider-Man! So sad, so tragic!!

“Why… why did I have to witness this unrequited love? My heart aches!”

Xia Luo: “…”

“Let’s go.”

He hauled Wade up from the floor.

“You’re not sad?” Wade asked.

Xia Luo smirked. “Spider-Man’s almost unemployed. Who has time for love?”

Wade looked at him in awe. “So true. That’s why you’re my idol.” He gave a thumbs-up.

Xia Luo took a final glance at Mary Jane’s house, shaking his head slightly.

Did he really have to endure this soap opera nonsense?

He turned to Wade. “Hey, can I borrow your fourth-wall-breaking ability?”

Wade looked intrigued. “What for?”

“I’m taking down Stan Lee and Steve Ditko.”

“Oh no, you might be talking to the wrong guy for that.”

—

T/N: I wonder what happened to his apartment