When Xia Luo arrived home, the first thing he noticed was a crib set up in the living room.
“Oh, my dear Xia Luo, you’re finally back!”
Aunt May, who was standing by the crib mixing formula, tossed the bottle carelessly onto the mattress and hurried over to greet him.
“Let me take a good look at you—have you lost weight?”
She cupped Xia Luo’s face with both hands, grinning from ear to ear.
Xia Luo looked around in confusion, backing out to check the nameplate on the door, then scratching his head.
“This is… my house?” he asked, still uncertain.
Aunt May nodded. “Silly boy, of course it’s yours…”
Ahem.
A young man cleared his throat, stepping forward with a smile.
“You must be Xia Luo Parker?”
Xia Luo nodded. “That’s me. And you are…?”
“Oh, I’m your cousin. I’ve been abroad for a while and just got back recently,” said Ben Parker.
Xia Luo: “…”
He’d expected them to have some perfect cover story.
But this?
Ben Parker’s words seemed to remind Aunt May, who suddenly remembered the transformation. Thanks to the power of the Monument of Time, she and Ben had become younger.
To avoid any trouble, they’d adopted new identities with the help of Spider-Man’s “friends.”
Too excited to think clearly, she hadn’t expected this to slip out. Hopefully, Xia Luo hadn’t caught on.
She forced a stiff smile. “Uh, I’m your cousin too!”
Xia Luo’s eye twitched.
Cousin Ben looked exactly like Uncle Ben, and Cousin May was a dead ringer for Aunt May.
Something was off.
Then it clicked.
“Oh, now I remember! Uncle Ben did mention you two once,” he said with a smile.
Aunt May looked at Ben, blinking.
You mentioned us?
Ben blinked back, startled.
I never said a word.
Aunt May blinked again.
Then who told him?
Ben blinked one more time.
He must be mistaken.
Xia Luo blinked too.
Is this Morse code?
“Uh… where are Uncle Ben and Aunt May?” he asked, glancing around the room in confusion.
Ben jumped in. “They went on a long trip. They probably won’t be back for a while.”
“Yes, a very long time. Very, very long,” Aunt May added, nodding eagerly.
Xia Luo: “…”
This family was getting stranger by the second.
Seeing the doubt on Xia Luo’s face, Ben grew nervous.
“We’re staying here for now… is that alright?”
He was worried Xia Luo might kick them out.
Fortunately, Xia Luo, ever the considerate one, just smiled. “Of course. We’re family, no need to be so polite.”
Aunt May let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you so much, little cousin.”
Xia Luo scratched his head awkwardly. “No problem, cousin.”
Since they were trying to keep their cover, he decided not to press further.
After all, he’d pulled this kind of trick himself plenty of times.
Turning toward the crib, he couldn’t help but smirk mischievously.
Baby Kingpin, you’ve fallen right into my hands.
“Wow, is this your baby? So cute!”
He reached out to pinch the baby’s chubby cheeks, mimicking Aunt May’s exact motions.
“Yes, that’s our baby. Feel free to play with him,” Aunt May replied absently as she dragged Ben into the other room.
“Looks like Spider-Man didn’t tell Xia Luo about us.”
“Spider-Man might not even know. We were wearing masks back then.”
“Oh, that’s true.”
“Should we tell him the truth?”
“Let’s wait. He’s still young; he might not handle it well.”
“I don’t know… He’s pretty mature.”
“But how would we explain it? The Time Monolith is a secret we can’t reveal. If he brags to his classmates, we’d be in a mess.”
“Well, he’s kept Spider-Man’s secret. I doubt he’d spill ours.”
“True. Then you tell him.”
“I’m not going. What if he thinks we’re con artists and throws us out?”
“Actually, I think this is kind of fun. I can’t wait to see Xia Luo’s reaction when he finds out the truth.”
“You’re terrible. Me too.”
And so…
They exchanged a look and reached a silent agreement.
Meanwhile, in the living room, Baby Kingpin squirmed uncomfortably under Xia Luo’s relentless pinching, letting out a series of grumpy coos.
“Oh, are you hungry? Here, I’ll feed you myself!”
Xia Luo aimed the bottle’s nipple at Baby Kingpin’s face, jamming it haphazardly into his mouth.
“Drink up, come on. Eat! If you don’t eat, I’ll make you eat. Go on, drink!”
Baby Kingpin: “…”
He’s a devil!
At that moment, Ben and May returned to the living room, and Xia Luo turned around with an exasperated expression.
“This little guy’s so naughty! He broke the bottle.”
As he spoke, he crushed the bottle behind his back, spilling milk all over the crib.
Baby Kingpin: “?!?!?!”
“Waaah~ Waaah~”
He started wailing, pointing a tiny, accusatory finger at Xia Luo, muttering incoherent baby curses.
He’s slandering me! He’s framing me!
Hearing the cries, Aunt May frowned and hurried over to the crib. Seeing the broken bottle, she glanced at Xia Luo’s hand.
“You didn’t get burned, did you?” She held his hand gently, blowing on it.
Baby Kingpin: “…”
“Waaah~ Waaah~”
I protest! You didn’t treat me like this before he got back!
To make matters worse, Baby Kingpin watched in horror as Xia Luo’s smile took on an ominous, devilish edge.
Baby Kingpin: “!!!!!”
Demon! He’s a demon! I’m just a baby!
Why am I in some ridiculous drama of adults fighting over baby privileges?!
I’m the Kingpin of the underworld, for crying out loud!
I need to fight back!
I want to go home!
Let me out, and I’ll willingly go to jail!
“Cousin, the baby’s crying,” Xia Luo said, feigning concern as he picked up the little troublemaker. “Why don’t you two go cook while I put him to sleep?”
Aunt May looked touched. “You’re such a good boy. I’ll leave it to you, then.”
She led Ben into the kitchen with a proud smile.
“Looks like Xia Luo really likes children.”
Ben chuckled. “Yeah, consider this early practice. He’ll make a great father someday when he has his own kids.”
“Oh, thinking about that makes me so emotional.”
“Me too.”
While they busied themselves in the kitchen, Xia Luo placed Baby Kingpin on the couch.
“Alright, are you ready? We’re going to play a fun game.”
He grabbed a rubber band, stretching it between his fingers and placing a paper wad on it, aiming right at Baby Kingpin’s diaper.
“Your open-crotch pants are quite… stylish.”
Baby Kingpin: “!!!!”
Devil! Devil!
Why is there such a vile, shameless person in this world?!
I’m just a baby, a helpless little baby!
“Waaah~ Waaah~”
With tears streaming down his face, he tried to wriggle away, but Xia Luo had strapped him down with Ben’s belt.
“Stay still. If I miss, we’ll just have to try again!”
With that, the paper wad struck its mark, and Baby Kingpin’s eyes brimmed with tears of utter humiliation.
“Come on, pose for the camera. Let’s take a photo.”
Why aren’t you smiling? Come on, smile for me! Don’t tell me you’re mad at me?
Under Xia Luo’s not-so-subtle threats, Baby Kingpin placed his tiny hands in front of his diaper, forcing a grim, strained smile.
“Hmm?”
Xia Luo frowned. “Hands down, no covering up!”
Baby Kingpin: “…”
Silently, he lowered his hands, enduring an unparalleled sense of disgrace.
Xia Luo Parker, I hate you!!
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